Where We Belong
by MelissaMargaret
Summary: As her sister's wedding approaches, Esme is forced to face things she never thought she would, while learning that old habits die hard, and some secrets can never be kept.
1. A Princess and Her BFF

"Momma, Momma, Momma!"

I looked up to see a blur of pink and green run into my classroom and straight into my arms, almost pushing me to the floor, where I sat organizing the toy cubby.

I laughed as the little girl stood up and smoothed out her Hello Kitty skirt. Her strawberry curls were tangled from running down the hall, and her large brown eyes were hidden behind pink, star-shaped sunglasses. "Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside, baby girl?"

"Because we went outside today, Momma! We went for a walk!"

"You did?"

She nodded, her sunglasses sliding down her nose as her head moved.

"What did you see outside?"

"The playground."

I laughed at her matter-of-fact answer. "Anything else?"

She shook her head. "No, Momma. Do we get to go now?" She bounced excitedly, and I heard something move in the metal lunchbox she was holding.

"Maggie Lynn, did you eat your lunch today?"

She looked down at her lunchbox and then back to me, grinning sheepishly. "I ate most of it. I promise."

I cocked an eyebrow at the sneaky child in front of me. She knew I wasn't pleased so she played on my one weakness.

She wrapped her little arms around my neck. "I love you, Mommy.

I laughed again and returned her hug. "Come on, baby," I said, standing up and taking her hand. "Let's go eat, now that I know why little miss didn't eat her lunch is so hungry."

She giggled and dragged me down the hallway and into the parking lot. I unlocked the truck and she immediately climbed into the backseat and buckled her seatbelt, smiling proudly as I climbed into the front and turned on the ignition.

I grinned and shook my head. My daughter was definitely a responsible little one.

Thankfully the drive to the diner wasn't long. By the time I pulled into the parking lot and spotted my father's police cruiser, Maggie was ready to bolt out of the truck and into the restaurant. I unbuckled her seatbelt and helped her down, laughing when she landed in a puddle and proceeded to stomp around in it. At least her shoes were machine washable.

We walked into the diner, just like we did every Friday afternoon. I waved to Lauren, the young woman who manned the register in the afternoons.

"Hi, Esme," she said. "They're all back there already."

That was all Maggie needed to hear. She squeezed my hand and ran ahead, dragging me behind her as she made her way to the large corner booth in the back.

"Grandpa!"

She released my hand as soon as my father came into view, and ran into his arms. I slid into the booth beside her, across from my mother and baby sister.

"Ready for next weekend?" I asked Bella as Maggie animatedly walked her grandpa through her day.

She nodded. "I've been ready."

I loved the sweet smile that played on my sister's lips as she thought of her upcoming wedding. Bella and Edward had dated since high school, and while some people thought my own experience with the concept of high school sweethearts would cause me to disapprove, I couldn't be happier for her.

They were smart and had decided to wait till after college to tie the knot. Now they both had stable careers, and were ready to start their lives together.

"Speaking of the wedding," Bella began, "I got a call from the dress shop, and your dress will be ready to pick up tomorrow. We should make a day of it, and spend some time in Seattle taking care of last minute things."

I nodded, loving her idea. Her time had been so monopolized by wedding planning in the last several months it felt like I had barely seen her outside of bridal appointments.

I turned to Renee. "Mom, would you mind watching Maggie tomorrow?"

"Of course not, dear. We would love to take her for the day. You know we always love having time with our granddaughter."

Maggie stopped her play-by-play of her day. "I get to go to Grandma and Grandpa's tomorrow?"

"Yes, baby girl," I said, smoothing her hair. "Mommy and Aunt Bella have some things we need to do tomorrow. Are you okay with that, if you stay with grandma and grandpa?"

"Mom, Grandma always makes me cookies. I wanna go!"

I laughed. "Okay, short stuff, settle down. I know you'll have fun."

"Did you hear, Grandpa?" she said, pulling on the sleeve of Charlie's uniform. "I get to go with you and Grandma tomorrow!"

"I heard, short stack." He looked up and winked at me before continuing. "Maybe I'll take you for a ride in the car."

Her eyes lit up. "With the lights, Grandpa? I get to play with the lights?"

"Yes, ma'am, Miss Maggie."

She squealed excitedly and everybody laughed.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched her eat her fries. So much of my life hadn't gone the way I planned, and there were brief moments when I envied Bella because her plans were all coming to fruition. The beautiful little girl beside me was my one true love, though. Nothing in the world was more important to me than my daughter.

I looked down to see her happily swirling ketchup around her plate with her last french fry, oblivious to my watchful eye, while telling Charlie about the rest of her day.

I turned my attention back to my sister, content that Maggie was happy and would let me know when she wanted to leave.

"What's on the schedule for next week, Bella?" Mom asked.

She shrugged. "All that's really left is the stuff we're wrapping up tomorrow. I guess I planned right because there's no last minute rush."

Renee nodded. "That's good, sweetie. What kind of trouble is Edward getting into in his last week of freedom?"

She put down her fork and rolled her eyes. "Evidently the boys are going camping."

I snorted and tried not to laugh out loud. I would pay money to see those boys camp without killing each other.

"Oh, to be young and getting married again," Renee said wistfully.

"Yeah, you can have it, Mom. I'm tired and ready for this week to be over. I just want to be married already."

Renee patted Bella's arm and gave her a sympathetic look. "I hear you, baby. You've never been one for a big show being made of things – especially when they revolve around you."

I smiled to myself as I watched my mother and sister. It was a running inside joke in our family to question whether we were Renee's children at all. We were both so much like Charlie it was eerie. Bella even looked just like him, whereas I shared our mother's light features.

Renee was what was once called a "wild child." She was outgoing, easily excitable, and loved to be the center of attention. Bella was the complete opposite. She shied away from the spotlight, and anytime it was on her she's tried to deflect people's attention to someone else.

She had fun planning her wedding, but I knew when the day came my baby sister would be a bundle of nerves.

For my part I just hoped Maggie would be calm and remember what she was supposed to do.

As if she read my mind, Renee suddenly turned her attention to her granddaughter.

"What about you, Miss Maggie? Are you excited for Aunt Bella's wedding?"

Her head bobbed up and down as the largest grin spread across her face. "I get to carry Aunt Bella's dress. Mommy says I have to be very careful and I can't let it touch the floor."

Maggie couldn't wait to perform her big important job. I would never forget the night she came home from an afternoon with Bella and told me what her job was. She made me sit down on the couch with her, and I watched curiously as she crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap, preparing herself for a very serious discussion.

Bella hadn't informed me that she would be asking Maggie to carry her train that day so I had no idea what was coming, and my mind raced with countless possibilities, each more terrifying than the last.

She told me in a very serious, business-like tone that Aunt Bella had asked if she would please carry her train when Bella walked down the aisle.

I blew out a huge breath and slumped back against the couch, laughing. She was completely offended and informed me that I didn't understand the supreme importance of her job.

She had been practicing for weeks. Once she discovered that one of our spare blankets was longer than I was she took it upon herself to tie it around my neck, and coerced me into walking around the house like that while she carried the bottom of it above the floor.

I giggled at the memory, causing her to momentarily forget her french-fries and look up at me.

"What's funny, Momma?"

"Nothing, sweetie. I just can't wait to see you in your dress at the wedding."

"My dress is black and white," she announced to the whole table. "And it has a red ribbon to match mommy's dress."

"Oh, I can't wait to see you in it, sweetheart," Renee said. Only Bella and I had actually seen the dress on her yet.

"You'll be the prettiest girl at the ball," Charlie chimed in.

"A ball?" Her eyes grew wide. "Like in Cinderella? Are we going to a ball? I want to go to a ball. And dress up in a big, pretty dress just like Cinderella. Can we, Momma? Can we, please?"

She was tugging on my arm, and pouting, trying to give me her best sad puppy eyes. I laughed and pulled her into my lap, nuzzling her neck playfully.

"What grandpa means is that after the wedding there's going to be a party. A big party where all of Aunt Bella and Uncle Edward's friends and family get to dance and have fun."

She put a finger to her lips and thought for a moment, before looking up with a confused expression.

"Like in Cinderella?"

"Yes, baby. Just like in Cinderella."

"Okay," she said. "But I don't want mice to help me get ready. I don't think that would be good. You can help me, Momma."

"I would be honored, baby girl."

The rest of the meal was spent casually discussing Bella and Edward's honeymoon plans, while Maggie colored on the paper tablecloth.

They were going to the Bahamas for a week, and while it hadn't been Bella's first choice, Edward's parents owned a timeshare there so their stay would be free. If there was one thing my sister hated more than being in the spotlight it was people spending money on her.

Edward was a music teacher at the high school, and while he didn't make much money, he loved to spoil Bella with what he did make. His parents', however, came from old logging money, and were more than happy to help with any expenses that came along.

Bella insisted that she and Edward pay for as much of the wedding as possible, but his parents did end up contributing somewhat. She was desperate to visit Italy and they wanted to pay for the honeymoon there, but Bella was dead set against it, even though it was her dream location.

Everyone had arrived at the compromise of a free week in the Caribbean, and every day that her trip grew closer Bella grew more and more excited. She couldn't wait for some alone time with Edward after all the hectic months of wedding planning.

We talked for what seemed like hours, enjoying the last few minutes of freedom before the wedding week would begin. By the time Maggie finished the small slice of cheesecake Lauren had brought her, I could tell she was tired and ready to leave.

I brushed the hair back from her forehead as she set her fork down. "Ready to go, baby girl?"

She nodded and tried to stifle a yawn. "Yes, please, Mommy. I wanna to watch Monsters Inc. when we get home."

Charlie put some money on the table for the bill, and Maggie lifted her arms, looking at me expectantly. I picked her up, and we said goodbye to the family. She was such a good girl all through dinner that I grabbed a couple of the chocolate peppermints from the counter when she wasn't looking. I would surprise her with them later.

By the time I got her in the truck she was nearly asleep. I knew she wouldn't make it all the way through her movie, but I put it on for her when we got home anyway. She rushed through her nightly routine of brushing her teeth and her hair, and came running back out into the living room as soon as she heard the movie.

Normally on a Friday night I would sit down in the kitchen with her while she did any worksheets the teacher sent home with her. She knew that if she did homework right after school on Friday it meant she could have fun all weekend and it wouldn't be interrupted by pesky addition and subtraction problems.

It definitely wasn't her favorite way to spend a Friday afternoon, but I was insistent about her work being done. Tonight, though, we had spent longer than I intended at the diner and she was tired. I decided to snuggle up on the couch with her under a throw blanket and enjoy her DVD instead.

She climbed into my arms when the movie started, and started playing with my hair.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Miss Maggie?"

"When I go to Grandma and Grandpa's tomorrow where are you gonna be?"

"I told you, baby, I'll be running errands with Aunt Bella."

"But where, Mommy?"

"In Seattle. Remember Seattle? I took you to the zoo there last year."

Her eyes widened. "I 'member, Momma! I got to feed the big white bird, and it wanted to play tag with me!"

I couldn't help but laugh. Edward had convinced her to feed the geese and one of them became quite interested in her. We knew it couldn't get to her, but she was convinced it wanted to play with her by the way it kept running toward the fence.

"Are you okay with that, sweetie? Do you not want me to go?"

She shook her head. "No, you go, Mommy." She stood up on the couch, ignoring my disapproving glance. She took my face between her little hands and kissed the tip of my nose. "I worry about you, Mommy."

I wrapped my arms around her, and settled her back down in my lap. "Nothing's going to happen to me, baby. Grandma and Grandpa will let you call me anytime you want tomorrow."

She nodded, satisfied with my answer, and turned her attention back to the movie. I intertwined our fingers as I watched her struggle to keep her eyes open. My little girl was such a worrywart. I tried to tell myself that she wasn't at the age where she could truly understand that she came from a single-parent household, but I knew she did.

There had been an issue a year ago of some of the older boys on the playground making fun of her for not having a daddy. She pretended it didn't bother her, but I knew better, and I knew she worried over me more than she normally would have because of it.

Exactly as I knew would happen it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. I turned off the movie, and lifted Maggie's sleeping form into my arms. She mumbled "Mommy" in her sleep as I carried her down the hall.

I tucked her into her bed and pulled her blue and pink duvet up around her. I turned off the lamp and walked to the door where I leaned against the doorframe and watched her sleep for several minutes.

I was blessed with a child who began sleeping through the night almost immediately, and even now rarely woke up in the middle of the night.

It had been a busy day, and tomorrow would be even more hectic for the both of us. She deserved a good night sleep. We both did. The week ahead would bring things I wasn't sure I was ready to face, but as long as Maggie was happy and content I could be too.

.

Poke.

"Mom."

Poke.

"Mommy."

Poke.

"Esme."

That woke me up.

"Esme?"

Maggie giggled and climbed onto the bed. "It's time to get up!" she said.

Groaning, I pulled the blanket over my face. "I don't want to."

"But you have to!" she said, yanking the blankets off me. "It's time to go to Grandma and Grandpa's!"

I opened one eye and watched as she bit her lip, trying not to laugh at me. "I think you want to get rid of me just so you can eat all of Grandma's cookies." I smiled when she nodded vigorously, and pulled her under the covers so I could snuggle my baby girl.

"Did you have a good night sleep?"

"I did, but now you're suffocating me, Mommy. Let go!" She wrestled her way out of my arms while I tried to hold her tighter. There was no way I was going to let my baby keep growing up so quickly. She folded her arms and pouted. "Are you gonna make me breakfast?"

I balked. "Demanding little child, aren't we?" I teased. "Why don't we call Grandma and see what she thinks?"

Maggie nodded and reached for my cell phone on my bedside table. "I wanna do it," she said. I showed her how to unlock the phone and find my mom's number, and before I knew it she was walking out of the room with the phone to her ear like a CEO taking a call.

I shook my head and grinned as I made my way to the bathroom to shower and get ready. Life with a child was never boring. That was for sure.

When I emerged twenty minutes later, Maggie was sitting in the middle of my bed, with the little purse Bella's best friend, Alice, bought for her.

"Momma, I'm hungry. Grandma's making me pancakes. Hurry up and get dressed!"

When we finally left the house, Maggie was all but dragging me to the car. The night before she acted like she didn't want me to go to Seattle, and now she was practically pushing me away.

Just like getting everywhere in Forks, the drive to my parent's house was relatively short. Bella's car was in the driveway when we arrived, and Renee was already waiting on the porch for her only granddaughter. Maggie flew into her arms, and began to talk a mile a minute while I grinned and walked past them into the house.

Bella was sitting on the sofa, absently flipping through channels. She didn't even notice I had walked in until I nudged her arm gently. "Hey, ready to go?"

"Oh, hey, sis," she said, looking up. "Yeah, I guess we should head out. Where's my favorite niece, though? I need a kiss."

"Aunt Bella," Maggie said, skipping into the room. "I'm your only niece."

"That's right you are," Bella told her, placing a kiss on her cheek and another on her forehead. "That means you automatically default to being my favorite."

Maggie turned to me looking confused. "What's a 'default'?" I had to laugh. She was too adorable. "It means you're her favorite, baby."

Her mouth formed a giant 'O' while she processed this. She opened it and closed it several times before finally throwing her hands up, saying, "I'm confused."

"So am I," Charlie said, walking into the room. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before Maggie launched herself into his arms. "Grandpa, they confused me, and now I'm really, really, really hungry, but do you know what?"

Charlie feigned surprise. "What?" Maggie leaned forward and thought she was whispering in his ear but we all heard a loud, "We get pancakes!"

"And judging by the smells coming from the kitchen I bet they're done," Charlie said. "Why don't we go see?" Maggie nodded while Charlie turned to me and Bella. "Why don't you girls stay for breakfast? You know your mother would hate you picking up something greasy this time of the morning."

Bella and I rolled our eyes at each other, but followed him into the kitchen. Charlie got greasy fast food on his way to the station every morning. The hypocrite.

After breakfast I kissed Maggie goodbye, and Bella and I climbed into my truck to begin the journey to Seattle. Bella started yawning almost immediately, making me laugh.

"Late night?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Yes, but it had more to do with work than humping my gorgeous fiancé. I hate having to get everything ready for someone else to take my clients for a week. It makes me nervous."

I could definitely sympathize. Bella was a speech therapist in Port Angeles and the few kids who required her services were like children to her – much like my class was to me. I couldn't imagine willingly turning over control of my classroom for a week.

Still, I knew any trepidation about her work was trumped by her excitement over finally marrying Edward. This day had been coming since they were five.

"So, on a scale of one to ten how nervous would you say Edward is?"

"On a scale of one to ten he's already reached pulling his hair out."

I laughed. "It can't be that bad."

"Oh, yes it can. You know Edward." We both grinned. Wedding planning had to be driving him insane. "He's just glad right now that he'll have his best friend here soon. Emmett hasn't been able to get away much lately, and Edward's sick of being buried under wedding stuff in the house."

"When is he getting in?" I asked quietly.

Bella stared at me for a long moment before answering. Her eyes scrutinized me until I began to squirm in my seat, feeling like I was under a microscope, and wishing I hadn't asked.

"Edward says the day after tomorrow," she finally answered.

I nodded and turned my eyes back to watch the first cars begin to dock the ferry.

"Are you… uh… okay with that?" Bella asked.

"Why wouldn't I be? It's not my wedding." I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth. I hadn't meant to snap at my sister. She was under enough stress already and she didn't need my petty bullshit added to the pile.

But when she spoke she didn't sound angry at all. If anything she was concerned. "Hey, I thought we talked about this already. Edward told you to let him know if you weren't comfortable. I can get Alice to stand up with me, Es, if you think you can't."

"I'm fine," I said. "I want to stand with you. I was only curious."

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer, and went back to watching the water as the ferry docked. "It's cool. You're allowed to freak out."

We pulled off the ferry and drove into Seattle, deciding to go to the dress shop first. Bella's alterations were done already, but we had changed our minds about my dress at the last minute and so the new one needed to be tried on one last time.

I considered myself very lucky to have a sister who wasn't acting like some insane bridezilla. She didn't force me into a dress I hated and would never look good in. Instead, we made the decision together, and then chose a beautiful dress for Maggie that would compliment mine perfectly.

When we arrived at the shop and I slipped into the red satin dress I knew right away the seamstress had done a perfect job. It fit perfectly to the body I had busted my ass in the gym everyday to get back after Maggie was born.

"Wow," Bella whispered when I turned around. "You're going to look better than me."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah right. Like that's even possible with the dress you picked out. No one's going to even glance at anyone but you."

She didn't look completely convinced as I smiled at my reflection in the mirror before changing back into my jeans. I may have been thirty-one, but I sure as hell didn't look it in that dress. There was no way I would outshine Bella on her wedding day, but at least I knew I would look damn good.

We stopped at a Starbucks to get a couple lattes before heading to the wedding planner's office for a last check that everything was really ready. "You really ready for this?" I asked when we left half an hour later. "I'm ready for it to be over," she replied with a laugh. "I just want to be married already. I wasn't kidding when I told mom that last night. This part of it is exhausting."

We decided to meet Alice and our cousin, Rose, for a late lunch in Port Angeles on our way back to Forks. It was only three in the afternoon, but I missed my daughter like crazy and couldn't wait to pick her up.

"Where's Maggie?" Rose asked once we joined them in a booth.

"With her grandparents. I don't even want to imagine how much they've spoiled her today."

Everyone laughed. It was no secret that I had the most spoiled child in all of Forks – possibly all of the Pacific Northwest. The whole town loved her and she was fawned over wherever she went.

"So," Alice said, practically bouncing with excitement, "only one more week left!"

"You mean only one more week of freedom left," Rose muttered.

I smiled, sympathizing with her. Rose's thoughts on marriage were well known by all of us. Her and her boyfriend, Emmett, had been together their whole lives, but we all knew they would never marry. It wasn't Rose's style. She liked the illusion of freedom, while still being tied down. They were at the point of having a common law marriage anyway, so it hardly mattered in the long run.

"You be quiet," Alice said, turning to Rose. "She won't even let me throw her a bachelorette party. But don't worry." She tapped her temple. "I have something planned anyway."

"Oh no, Alice, don't. Please," Bella begged.

"It's just drinks, Bella. Just the four us. Come on. Nothing crazy, I promise. Just some quiet drinks."

Bella looked skeptical. "If you're lying to me I'll make Rose kick your scrawny little ass."

Alice scoffed. "I'm hurt."

"Well, you do have a horrible track record of going overboard," Rose said. "You'll have to excuse Bella for being worried."

"Oh, whatever," she scoffed. "You're just jealous you didn't come up with my brilliant plan first."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, Alice. You keep thinking that."

The rest of the meal passed quickly, and once everyone was finished we said goodbye to Rose and Alice and climbed into my truck to continue the journey home.

"Thanks for coming with me today," Bella said.

"You're welcome. It was fun to get out and be in the big city for a little while. And I love that I finally have my dress."

"You mean your perfect dress that's going to have every man at my wedding falling all over you?"

"Oh, hush," I said with a smile. "I am not that hot."

She snorted. "Okay, Esme. Whatever you say."

"Besides, I can remember hearing stories about every girl in the high school throwing themselves at Edward constantly, and who owned that boy? You did."

"Still do," she said. It was clear from her tone she was already miles away and back in Forks with her fiancé.

"And a week from today it becomes official."

She squealed a little, like it had finally occurred to her that she wasn't dreaming, and then we both broke out in a fit of giggles. "I'm really getting married," she mused. I glanced at her and started laughing again.

"Yeah, Bella. You really are."

I pulled into the driveway of our parent's house a little after dark. Bella's car still sat in the driveway next to dad's cruiser, but there was an unfamiliar car parked across the street. I wondered who it belonged to.

As soon as she heard the car, Maggie rushed out the house and flew down the steps to meet me.

"Mommy!" she yelled, jumping into my arms. "You're home!" I swung her around, making her giggle.

"I sure am, baby girl. Did you have fun today?"

She nodded vigorously. "I did, Mommy. I played all day and helped Grandma make the cookies, and then, guess what?"

"What?"

"I made a new friend!"

"You did? Well, tell me about your new friend. What's she like?"

"Not a she, Mommy. It's a boy." Ah, hell. My daughter was the most beautiful six-year-old on the planet. I knew this would happen one day, but I wasn't ready. I probably wouldn't be until she was forty.

"He told me he's friends with Grandpa, and so I asked and Grandpa said yes, and so then they both played Chutes and Ladders with me, and do you know what, Mommy? They beat me!" She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, making me laugh. She was precious when she looked like that.

"Well, anyone who can beat you is definitely someone I want to meet."

She gasped like she just remembered something important, and ran ahead of me into the house. "Come on, Mommy. I want you to meet my BFF."

Bella came around the side of the car while I stood there shaking my head in amusement. "Did she just say 'BFF'?"

"She sure did."

"Now this I have to see. Let's find out what's got her so excited."

I slowly followed Bella into the house. I had a weird feeling, like something was out of place. The house smelled different. It was still the home I had always known, but there was something else. Like there was a cologne I knew, but couldn't place, even though Charlie never wore any so that thought was ridiculous.

I heard faint voices coming from the living room. I knew I was in trouble the moment I turned the corner and caught the flash of blond hair.

There, sitting on the floor, playing Hi-Ho-Cherry-O with my child was my worst nightmare. He looked up and my knees nearly buckled when those piercing green eyes met mine.

"Hello, Esme," he said quietly, like he was testing my name after not having said it for a long time. If I hadn't been so shocked I would have melted. His voice was just as perfect as I remembered.

I couldn't move, let alone speak, but I forced out the one word that would always be my greatest weakness.

"Carlisle."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** This will probably be the only A/N unless I feel the need to address anything that comes up down the road.

I don't own _Twilight_, and I do not profit in any way from this story. Your kind words are all the thanks I need.

This story is betaed by Mackenzie L. Kr2009, anhanninen, and texasunshine pre-read. A banner made by Mackenzie can be seen on my profile.

The only promise I can make as far as an update schedule is that the story will be finished. I'm aiming for every week, but that might be too lofty a goal, given the length of the chapters.

I can be found on Twitter (at) melissammo for teasers and general hilarity. We have lots of fun.

Thank you for reading! I hope you love Maggie and her tale as much as I do.


	2. Forts, Pizzas, and Playgrounds

"How have you been?"

How have I been? Had he really asked me something so simple after we hadn't spoken for seven years?

I couldn't find any words so I studied him for a moment instead. He looked like he did the day he left for Chicago. Same green eyes, same beautiful wavy blond hair, same cocky grin – like he knew something you didn't. I couldn't stand that grin. He no longer had any right to look at me that way.

"I've been wonderful," I answered, proud that my voice managed to clip the words enough to sound condescending. I had never felt more awkward than I did standing there, staring at his ridiculous smile. I wanted to lick his face half as much as I wanted to slap it. "Umm… I should get Maggie home. It's been a long day."

"Of course, sweetie." My mother rushed forward to rescue me from my own private hell. "You have to take some cookies with you, though."

She led me into the kitchen, where I slumped into a chair and put my head in my hands. "Oh my God, what is he doing here?"

Renee rubbed my back, and then packed a couple dozen cookies into a bag. "I know. I had a feeling this would happen. Apparently he decided to come in a couple days early, and wasted no time at all trying to find you."

I looked up at her from between my fingers and groaned. "Why would he do something like that?"

"I have no idea, dear, but it seems like he hasn't let go of your past anymore than you have."

"I have completely let it go," I said. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. "I need to get Maggie home and in bed. I don't want to sit here and discuss anybody's past with anybody else."

I grabbed the cookies and hurried toward the living room. I took my daughter's hand and waited while she said goodbye to everyone. I refused to even glance at the insanely sexy man sitting a few feet away. He infuriated me. It should have been illegal for him to look as good as he did. Especially when he wasn't mine anymore.

Maggie glared at me the entire way to the truck and even crossed her arms over her chest when I buckled her in. She was mad at me for the way we rushed out, but I needed to clear my head.

She was silent for half the ride home, and honestly, it put me on edge. Maggie wasn't a naturally quiet child. She was outgoing and friendly, and could talk for hours about nothing.

"You know my BFF, too." I looked in the rearview mirror when she finally spoke to see her glaring daggers at me. I sighed. I had a lot of explaining to do.

"Yes," I answered.

"How come no one said?"

I didn't even know how to answer that without inviting more questions, but I figured the honest approach would be best. "I don't know, sweetheart. I didn't think he would be there. It surprised me to see him. That's all."

"But why, Mommy?" Some of her anger had worn off and she sounded more curious than anything.

"Because I haven't seen him since before you were born."

"How do you know him?"

By this time I had pulled in our driveway and turned off the engine. "He used to be my BFF," I told her while I helped her out of the truck.

Her eyes went as wide as saucers and a large grin split her face. "Really? Oh my gosh, Mommy, that's so cool. And now he's _my_ BFF, but it's okay, maybe I'll share him with you."

I would have laughed if I hadn't been trying not to cry.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you to bed. You've had a long, busy day."

"But I'm not tired." She punctuated her statement with a yawn.

"Yeah right you're not tired. Come on. We need to get you a bath before you go to sleep."

After reading her a story and making sure she was asleep, I walked in a daze to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

Why was he here early? I thought I had time to prepare myself for facing him again, but obviously not. Walking into my parents' house had been like walking back in time. So much of him was the same. I felt like I had been transported back to the time when we had been young and stupid, and in love. I always lost my ability to think in his presence and right now that was dangerous. I needed a clear head to deal with the mess I had made.

I sighed and rolled over. One thing was for sure. I wasn't getting any sleep as long as he kept invading my thoughts.

.

"It isn't funny."

"Actually, yes, it is a little funny."

I rested my elbows on the counter, still holding the phone to my ear. "Bella, this is serious. He completely threw me off my game yesterday."

"Threw you off your game? When did you get so hip?"

"Bella!"

"Alright, alright. So he showed up a couple days early? Big deal. Frankly, I'm thrilled. It gets Edward out of my hair for a few days. You're just mad because you had no warning and didn't want to admit you weren't ready to see him."

"Well, of course I wasn't ready to see him. It's been seven years."

"You were going to have to face him sometime. His friends are here and his family is still in the area. He was bound to make it back eventually."

"But he was supposed to come on Monday," I whined. "Not yesterday. Why can't he stick to the schedule like a good best man?"

She laughed. "Just because having an extra two days fit _your_ schedule better doesn't mean it fit everybody else's. It was probably easier for him to fly out over the weekend. It gives him more time with his friends. Besides, it's not like you'll even have to be around him. I'm sure Edward and Emmett will keep him busy. You'll only see him at the wedding."

Yeah, right. My luck was never that good. "I'll only see him at the wedding where I'll have to walk out on his arm. Yeah, that'll be awesome."

I could almost hear her throwing her hand in the air. "You wanted to be my maid of honor. My only bridesmaid, in fact. I asked you over and over and over again if it was still cool since Carlisle was standing up with Edward. You assured me you were fine. Don't start having second thoughts now. I know I said Alice could do it, but we are short on time for a dress and yours would fall off her tiny frame."

"I'm not second guessing anything. I'm just freaking out, that's all."

"Yeah, that's pretty obvious. You're acting younger than Maggie right now. You and Carlisle are not teenagers anymore. I think you can stand being in a room together without any insanity."

"Well, this would be a complete non-issue if he had stuck to the original plan and flown in tomorrow!"

"An extra day wouldn't have helped you. Let's be honest."

"Okay, you know what? This conversation is going in circles, and my child needs fed. I'll talk to you later."

"You can run but you can't hide, Esme."

I made a face at the phone. Stupid know-it-all siblings. Once we hung up I turned to see Maggie walking into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

"Morning, sleepy head. Are you in the mood for waffles this morning?"

Her face perked up at the mention of waffles. She climbed up onto the bar stool and leaned as far over the island as she could. "Waffles?"

"They're almost ready, baby. Why don't you grab those two plates over there?" I motioned toward the end of the counter, and Maggie reached over and dragged the plates along the granite. Well, at least they didn't break, and she got bonus points for creativity, but it wasn't quite what I had in mind.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked.

"I don't know, Mommy. You pick."

"Well, it's supposed to rain this morning. We could make a fort in the living room and watch movies if you want."

"Really? Oh, can we? Can we, please? I want to make a fort!"

"After breakfast," I told her. "You need to eat first, and then we can do whatever you want."

She all but inhaled her waffles in record time the moment I put them on her plate.

"Slow down, Maggie Lynn! You have all day."

"No I don't. I have to build a fort."

Always with the straight answer. I rolled my eyes and took her plate to wash it once she was done eating. She watched me work while she sipped her strawberry milk.

"Mommy, why do you drink that gross coffee stuff?" she asked when I picked up my mug and took a sip.

_Because the sexiest man in the universe surprised the hell out of me yesterday, and I didn't get any sleep because I spent all night alternating between wanting to kill him and wanting to jump him._

"Because it's delicious."

She made a face and backed away from the counter. "But I tried some of Grandpa Charlie's and it was gross!"

"You drank coffee?"

She nodded, but was smart enough to look ashamed. "Don't tell him, please. I wanted to see what it was like. Everyone drinks it all the time, but I don't know why. It was bad."

I smiled. "That's because your grandpa doesn't put anything in it to improve the taste. Now, why are we talking about coffee when I thought we had a fort to build?"

Her eyes widened as if she just remembered and she jumped off the stool in a hurry. She ran toward the living shouting, "Hurry, you have to help me!"

I picked up the two bar stools and carried them to where she was. She loved to drape the blankets over them to make her forts as tall as they could be. By the time I went for a dining room chair and made it back to the living room Maggie had pulled all the couch cushions out and was arranging everything on the floor.

"You go get all the blankets, Mommy. All of them."

"Yes, ma'am, my little builder."

Once I returned with all the spare blankets plus my comforter, Maggie arranged everything while I held blankets in place and anchored them down. Once she was done, she shoved my comforter inside the fort and arranged it as a carpet. I knew she would do that. She loved the satin feel of it and the texture. A few footprints on it were a small price to pay for her happiness.

I crawled inside after her. It was definitely big enough for the two of us. "Maybe someday my BFF can build a fort with me," she said. "I bet he builds good ones."

I smiled, remembering all the times Carlisle and I used to do this in my house growing up. We were children then. Our first kiss was in one of those forts. We were five years old.

"I bet he does. I bet he builds the best forts you'll ever see."

"How come you guys aren't BFF's anymore?"

I sighed. I should have expected all these questions eventually. No one was more curious about the people around her than my Maggie. "Because sometimes people drift apart, baby. He moved away and we didn't keep in touch."

She nodded, but her brow creased in confusion anyway. "Why not?"

"I don't know," I told her, even though I did. What I didn't know was how to explain the complexities of adult relationships to a child. "But you know what? I'm glad he's your BFF now. Maybe you can teach him to be a little less boring."

She giggled and rolled around on the floor. "My BFF is not boring, Mommy! He played all the games I wanted with me, and he promised anytime I wanted to play I just had to ask."

I nodded. "Good. As long as you don't forget about your poor lonely mom."

She jumped into my arms and kissed my cheek. "I won't, Mommy. I love you too much."

"I love you too, Maggie, but… umm… I think we forgot something when we made this fort," I whispered.

"What?"

"We can't see the TV, and I thought we were going to watch movies too."

"Mom, why didn't you say so?"

It wasn't every day she called me 'mom'. I was in trouble with a six-year-old. We separated the blankets on the side that faced the TV, and I spaced the chairs further apart while Maggie chose a movie to watch.

She handed over _Despicable Me_ and I put it in the DVD player with a smile. It was a definite favorite in our house. Maggie was especially proud that her "uncle" Emmett could recite every line and even do the voices.

I grabbed two pillows from the couch so we could lie down in the tent that was now more of a canopy. It was still raining somewhat, but not as hard as it had been. "When the movie's over you want to go out and grab some lunch?"

"Pizza," was the only response I received. Not what I had in mind, but she knew the rule. She would be having a salad with her dinner. If she was fine with that she could have pizza for lunch.

Twice during the movie I thought she was on the verge of sleep, but then she would laugh and roll over, still watching. I spent more time watching my daughter than the film. I had no idea what I had done to deserve such a wonderful child, but I was eternally grateful I had her.

We struggled for sure with it being just the two of us, but she had a large extended family and every adult in town wrapped around her finger. She knew it too, but thankfully it didn't go to her head. And as long as I had her I didn't need anything else.

My mind wandered to my ex's perfect face. Why now? Granted I knew this day was coming from the moment Edward finally proposed to Bella, but I still wasn't ready. I had grown so accustomed to the life I had built with my daughter. I had dated a lot if I was being honest, and even had one serious relationship since he left.

I had moved on.

Then he had to come back in and throw my emotions into a tailspin.

I didn't even know where to start with how confused I was.

On my own I could have dealt with any remaining feelings for him, but it wasn't just me anymore. I had a daughter. One who had already attached herself to someone I had a long history with – good and bad. I had to protect Maggie from getting hurt more than I needed to protect myself.

"Momma." Maggie poked my shoulder.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"The movie's over."

Was she serious? I looked up and sure enough there was a little minion getting blown out of a canon. I had been lost in my own world for a while.

"Food now?"

I laughed while attempting to crawl out of the tent. Playing on this child's level made me feel old. I could barely stand up from the floor without needing her to push me.

"Yes, Maggie. Go use the restroom and put your shoes on. We'll put the living room back together when we get back."

"Aww. But I want to keep my fort forever!"

"And I want my pretty living room back."

She pouted. "Pizza," I reminded her. That got her attention. She took off down the hall and was back in record time, ready to go.

.

Fifteen minutes later food was ordered and we were sitting at a table at Pacific Pizza.

"Can we go to the playground?" she asked after the waitress dropped off our large pan pizza.

"When you finish your food."

She started eating like there was no tomorrow.

"When you finish your food _slowly_."

She pouted before dramatically slowing down her every bite. I wanted to tell her to stop being a goofball, but it was too cute.

Once we finished eating and visited with one of my dad's friends for a minute, we drove the short distance to her favorite park.

The minute I stopped the truck, she jumped out and opened my door. She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me out, too. "Come on, Mommy, I want to go on the slide!" We walked over to the playground and I sat on a bench where I could keep an eye on my daughter without, as she put it, "being in her way."

That was Maggie speak for not wanting me to embarrass her.

"Is that my favorite little girl in the world?" a booming voice shouted from the parking lot.

I dropped my head and sighed. Emmett's presence could only mean one thing and I was terrified to turn around and find out if I was right. Emmett winked at me as he passed and made his way to the slide where Maggie was bouncing on the balls of her feet, waiting for him to catch her when she slid down.

I took a deep breath when I heard leaves crunching behind me, and I turned around. Edward and Carlisle were walking from the parking lot toward my bench.

"Hey, Esme," Edward said, bending to give me a hug. "How are you?" He made the words sound light – two friends catching up, but I felt the added weight behind them. He had been worried about me the entire time my sister was planning their wedding. Not even I could know what my reaction to having my ex around would be, and it had everyone on edge for weeks.

"I'm fine," I told him. "That monster over there insisted on coming to play right after eating lunch."

He grinned and looked to where Emmett was now pushing Maggie on the swings. "Pizza?"

I nodded. As much as I hated to admit it, Maggie was a sucker for pizza. Edward knew that only too well, since the day he tried teaching her to make it ended in disaster, meaning Edward ended up covered in sauce.

"Let me guess, she's driving you crazy with her excitement over my wedding?"

"Something like that. She can't wait to wear her dress more than anything."

He laughed. "I'm sure Bella would trade her. She's developed this insane fear of tripping over it."

"That probably has more to do with those shoes Alice is making her wear."

"I warned Alice about those, but does anyone ever listen to me about these things? No."

"Alice doesn't listen to anyone. You know that."

"Yeah," he agreed. "That's for damn sure. I'm going to go play with those knuckleheads, I think. Emmett can't hog all the fun."

"Better watch out," I said with a laugh. "He's protective of his time with her."

"Nah. He can't scare me. Besides, I think Maggie will convince him."

"Whatever you say, Edward. Whatever you say."

I watched him make his way to the playground and push Emmett out of the way so he could give Maggie a hug. After a few moments I heard the crunch of leaves behind me, and nearly jumped. I had almost forgotten Carlisle was here.

"Hi, Esme," he said as he sat down on the other side of the bench, looking as awkward as I felt.

"Hello."

I refused to even look at him. I was sure my cold, aloof act was fooling no one, but if I looked at him I would break. It was better to appear distant than to start crying in the middle of a public park. Besides, I had every right to hate him. I didn't. But I had every right to.

"You're not even going to talk to me, are you?"

His voice sounded defeated – like he was hoping for something he knew wouldn't happen and had just been knocked back to earth. I did that to him. In that moment, I felt horrible. I didn't want to hurt him. I only needed to control the situation enough so that he wouldn't hurt me. _Again_.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

I didn't think he did either. He had no answer for me, so we sat in silence for several minutes – the only sounds came from the playground nearby, where those two idiots I called my friends had engaged my child in a game of tag. I raised my eyebrow at them but didn't say anything. They knew they would get the full force of my wrath if anything happened to her.

I glanced at Carlisle out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at the ground in front of him with his hands folded in his lap. Something about it angered me. It was obvious he wanted to say something, but was holding back. Bella accused me of acting childish, but right now he wasn't acting any better.

I looked back to my daughter and tried to speak, but I had nothing to say. I felt like I should apologize, but I had no idea what I had done. If I gave him a broad, general apology that would only open a huge can of worms. I didn't want any worms. Worms were bad.

"Esme?" It took everything I had not to look at him when I said my name. "Can we at least talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. I was getting annoyed with this. "The weather? It's bright out today, don't you think? I hope it stays sunny for a while."

"Is it _that_ upsetting to you that I'm here?"

"I'm not upset at all. I'm glad you're here. You're Edward's best friend. If you weren't here… well, that would say a lot about your character, now wouldn't it?"

He sighed. "You're still mad at me about something, though."

My voice softened. "Carlisle, I'm not mad. I'm just not sure I was prepared for you." I wasn't sure when I decided to tell him the truth, but it felt good. I wasn't going to take the conversation any further, however.

"I don't know if I was either," he admitted.

Several more minutes of silence went by before he spoke again. "So, what now?"

My eyebrows knit together, and against my better judgment I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I know you don't think we need to talk, but I have things I need to say. Will you at least agree to hear me out?"

Could I agree to that? I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. Everything between us had been so long ago. It was dead and buried and I didn't want to drag it up again. But then why was I freaking out so much over his presence if I thought it was truly over and done with?

We never did talk anything out when he left. It was messy – so messy. There had been a lot of yelling, a lot of screaming, and I might have even thrown something, but no real talking.

Maybe we did need a real talk. I didn't want to do it, and I thought he was causing more problems than he was solving by asking, but if he needed any kind of closure I had to let him have it.

I was sure it was written all over my face that I had given in, because he sounded much more confident when he spoke again. "Will you meet me at the Starbucks in Port Angeles at ten tomorrow?"

I looked at him warily. I sure as hell wasn't going on any kind of a date with him. But maybe he figured in a public place I wouldn't yell at him. Also, going all the way to Port Angeles meant we were less likely to be seen by any of Forks' finest gossipers.

Well played, Cullen. Well played.

"Okay," I agreed, even while half my brain screamed that this was a bad idea. "I'll hear you out."


	3. Starbucks and Sangria

I walked into the Starbucks Carlisle had mentioned at ten till ten the next morning, tired and ready to get this over with. I ordered my regular and sat down in one of the fluffy chairs next to the window. I wanted to know the second Carlisle arrived. This way I would see him as soon as he pulled in. No surprises.

I was anxious but I didn't know if it was because I was about to see him or having to hear whatever he had to say. I hated to think that everything that went wrong between us was going to be laid out in front of me again in a matter of minutes.

I guess at ten o'clock on a Sunday morning I expected the coffee shop to be much busier than it was. There was one person at the counter, ordering, and one other in a chair on the other side of the door, reading the paper.

The fact the place was empty didn't calm my nerves as much as I hoped.

I twisted the cardboard wrap on my cup out of boredom, staring out the window without seeing... until the sound of the door opening made me look up.

So much for not being surprised.

He smiled in my direction and strolled up to the bar to order his drink. I leaned back in my chair and watched him while his back was to me. He had on a black button-down and a pair of dark jeans that had no business being anywhere but my floor.

This was going to be a problem. I couldn't stop staring at him.

I wanted to hate him, but he wasn't letting me do anything but lust after him like some high school kid. Why couldn't being in Chicago have made him uglier? That would make him easier to deal with.

I had to regain control of the situation so I sat upright and sipped on my coffee while I looked out the window. I prayed that I looked nonchalant because I sure didn't feel calm and collected.

I heard Carlisle sit down before I saw him.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long," he said.

I shook my head. "A few minutes."

Yesterday I would have made some biting remark about him keeping me waiting, but I no longer had it in me to be spiteful. We had hurt each other enough. Only time would tell if I continued to be nice to him. No one could piss me off better than Carlisle. He excelled at getting on my last nerve. It was a wonder we had managed a relationship at all.

He nodded and sipped his coffee. "Did you have a good night?"

I cocked my eyebrow and tilted my head. He wasn't as nervous and reserved as he had been at the park. He looked a little uncomfortable, but no more than I was.

"I guess. Where are you staying?" I asked, trying to be polite and assuming this would be the natural course of conversation.

"Emmett and Rose let me crash in their guest room. That way I didn't have to stay at one of the hotels."

"That was nice of them."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence fell and we both looked around. Carlisle drummed his fingers on his knees like he had always done when he didn't know what to say next. The problem was I didn't know what to say either. He was the one who asked me to come here. I had nothing to say.

He cleared his throat. "So… Umm… Maggie's very beautiful. She reminds me of someone I knew a long time ago."

I couldn't help the pride that flooded through me at his compliment of my daughter. At the same time I bristled at his underhanded allusion to our past. He was trying to break down my walls and I couldn't let him succeed.

"Thank you," I said. "She's my angel."

He looked torn. "Can I… Can I ask who her father is?"

I would have panicked had I not skirted this question from half the residents of Forks for the past six years. It was no great secret that I went a little crazy when Carlisle left for Chicago, and I dated my way around the Olympic Peninsula.

Carlisle had been one of two real relationships I'd had, and the longer of those two meant I had to be more delicate with him. I let most people think whatever they wanted, but that wouldn't work in this case.

This man had been my fiancé. I had been prepared to pledge my life to him at one point. At the same time, there were parts of my life now that I felt needed to be kept protected and close to my heart – namely my daughter.

"You can ask."

"Is that you're way of changing the subject?"

I grinned. "I've changed the subject."

He suddenly looked worried. "Esme, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about Maggie when I asked you to meet me here. I hope I didn't inconvenience anyone."

"Oh, no. Not at all. My parents are always more than willing to watch her when I need them to, and she loves staying at their place. Really, it was nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have agreed to meet you if I felt it wouldn't work."

He nodded. "Okay. I can't believe that I didn't even think about that."

"Don't beat yourself up," I said. "Like I said, it was nothing."

More silence fell between us. It had been a long time since I had this awkward an exchange with someone. It was almost as if we were total strangers, not two people who had known each other since we were born.

Several people came into the shop and ordered drinks. They spared us a quick glance, but quickly looked away. I wondered if they felt how out of my element I was.

I didn't know what to say to Carlisle and he didn't seem ready to speak, so I watched the cars go by outside the window. I wondered what Maggie was doing and if she was having fun.

When I looked back at Carlisle he was watching me intently, an amused grin on his lips.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I was just trying to figure out how you could be exactly the same and so different at the same time."

I thought over his words. I had drawn the same conclusion about him, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was different about me aside from the obvious change that was six years old and probably eating my parents out of house and home.

"I haven't changed at all," I told him.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at me like I was insane. "You have a daughter now."

_Thank you, Captain Obvious._

"I'm well aware of that. I was there."

He laughed. "God, I missed that sarcastic sense of humor."

"That used to be what you hated about me."

He shook his head. "No, not the sense of humor. The fact that you hid behind your sarcasm and used it to deflect things."

I hummed in response. Time to change the subject again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he said.

"Why did you want me to meet you here today? You mentioned more than basic chit-chat."

He cleared his throat and looked around nervously. "I guess I… uh, just wanted to see if you were still mad at me over the way things ended between us."

"Why would I be? It's been years."

"I don't know. Maybe because I still think about it sometimes. I hate myself a little bit for abandoning you."

I raised my eyebrows. "Abandoning me? You went to med school. And I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"That's not how you saw it then," he said. "About school. You wanted me to stay in Seattle."

I shrugged. "I was young and stupid and selfish then. I didn't think there was any reason for you to leave. I never understood how you couldn't see how much it hurt me that you were ready to leave everything else behind." I dropped my eyes to the table and wrapped my arms protectively around myself. "You never even asked me to come with you."

My voice was quiet when I finished speaking. I hadn't wanted to meet him here because I hated remembering everything he was so anxious to discuss. When I looked up, his face held the same look of defeat I saw in the park. Maybe talking through our past hurt him as much as it hurt me. But then, why not leave it alone?

"Esme, we fought so much. How do you know what I wanted? I didn't think you would come with me if I asked. You hardly spoke except to yell at me for one thing or another. We were falling apart long before I left. You know that."

I did know. Looking back now it was easy to see how unhealthy our relationship was. It was doomed from the beginning. We were so in love that we hated each other. It was like something out of a movie. The fact we had sat face-to-face for the last half hour and hadn't killed each other was a miracle.

"I hated it then," I said, "but I think you needed to go. I was so pissed off at you for all kinds of things, but I shouldn't have been so selfish. You were going to one of the best med schools in the country. I should have supported you."

I hated saying it, but every word was true. I was an idiot. In those final months of our relationship I hated him more than I loved him, but I should have set our problems aside and at least supported his decision. I was the one who was too blind to see reason.

He leaned back in his chair and grinned. "We both fucked up pretty bad, didn't we?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess we did. For a long time. I don't think it could have been fixed, honestly."

"Neither do I," he agreed. "But do you think we can at least put it behind us for now? I don't like having our past hang over another couple's wedding like it has been."

"I hate that, too. I don't know how many times I've had to apologize to Bella for the way I've acted. And that's just been since you arrived. Who knows how much worse it could have gotten."

He nodded. "I agree. So…" He held out his hand. "Truce?"

I stared at his hand for a moment before shaking it. "Truce."

I looked around again after we declared our truce. I don't know what I expected after such an exchange, but I was sure at least some trumpets and confetti would be present. This was a huge occasion. We had managed not to kill each other.

The lack of fanfare was a little anti-climactic, all things considered.

"So…" Carlisle started slowly. "I should probably get back to Forks. There's probably some best man thing I have to do before this weekend comes."

"You mean you aren't throwing him a bachelor party?"

He laughed. "Hell, no. I value my life too much. Emmett on the other hand…"

I smirked. Of course Emmett would be planning something. "Well, as long as there aren't any strippers, Rose can't be too mad at him."

"Are we talking about the same Emmett?"

"You're right. No strippers would be asking way too much."

He laughed again and stood. "Well, Esme, thanks for agreeing to meet me today. I'm glad we were able to talk." He left out the word 'civilly', but I was sure he was thinking it.

We said goodbye, and I watched him walk to his rental car while I stayed in my seat still sipping my coffee. I needed to process our exchange before I left. I needed to make some sense of the emotions swirling around me.

As nervous as I had been, I had to agree with Carlisle that I was glad we talked at least a little bit. We had by no means covered everything that went wrong between us – that would fill up an encyclopedia – but it was a start. And I had to admit, it would make this week easier if we weren't at each other's throats.

If I was honest with myself I could hardly remember what really pulled us apart in the first place. Our relationship was tumultuous, but I could no longer pinpoint what the final straw really had been. Was it his decision to go to medical school in Chicago, or was I still using that to excuse everything else that was wrong?

We had been falling apart for so long that the anger was almost normal for us.

I sighed when I threw my cup in the trash and exited the coffee shop. We may have declared a truce, but we hadn't solved anything at all.

.

Half an hour later I pulled into the driveway at Rose and Emmet's house. She had called me last night after Maggie and I got home from the park and asked if I would come help her with some things for the bachelorette party that my sister knew nothing about.

I felt bad keeping the secret from Bella but I knew she would shut it down if she found out, and Alice and Rose didn't mean any real harm.

These plans were tame by their standards.

I was relieved to see that Carlisle's rental car was nowhere in sight. It hadn't even occurred to me when I told Rose I would come over that he was staying with them. Then again, I doubt Rose would have asked me if she had thought he'd be there.

She wasn't _that_ sadistic.

"I take it we aren't expecting Carlisle anytime soon?" I asked as soon as we sat down in the dining room.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised he told you he's living in my guest room."

I snorted. "He's not living in there. He's only here for a couple weeks."

"Right. And what happens when he decides he can't live without you again?"

"You know, Rose, funny thing about relationships, it usually takes two people to make that kind of decision."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Could you really say no?"

"Of course I could. Why would you even doubt that? I made my choice seven years ago."

"And that was then. This is now."

"I really don't know what you're driving at right now."

She shrugged. "All I'm saying is you two are like magnets. You try to move around each other, but when drawn together... good luck keeping you apart."

"Have you forgotten how much we really hate each other?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, so you're like magnets stuck in a mixture of oil and water."

"Now you're really reaching. That one didn't even make any sense."

"Maybe not, but it was still true. Besides," she continued, "you can't tell me Maggie isn't already attached to him."

I leaned back, needing to absorb her statement for a moment. On a certain level it was true that my daughter was becoming attached to Carlisle. She didn't think of just anyone as her BFF. But on the other hand, Maggie guarded her emotions closely - a trait she got from me.

Whether that was good or bad I didn't know, but she knew how to protect herself. I always thought it was a product of being the only kid she knew who came from a single parent household, but maybe there was more to it than that. She was a smart kid. She had watched me protect myself for a long time. She learned from the master, I guessed.

"You're right," I said. "She adores him. And the feeling is definitely mutual."

She smiled and laughed, but tried to hide it by covering her mouth and shaking her head.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing is funny."

"Right..."

She cracked up at the point, laughing loudly. "You've created such a fucking mess, Es. I love you, but it's going to be hilarious watching you dig your way out."

I threw the paper coaster Emmett stole from Chili's at her head. "Not helpful."

"I know you better than to think you even want help. You're too stubborn for that. Then again, this mess isn't new. It's an old mess that was never cleaned."

"I'm not that stubborn," I said, rolling my eyes.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that I hope you know what you're doing right now."

"I'm not doing anything. Besides, Carlisle and I talked some stuff out this morning, and there was no bloodshed in the Starbucks. I call that a good day for us."

Rose clapped slowly and pretended to wipe away a tear. "Wow. I'm so proud of you guys."

I stuck out my tongue. "You think you're so funny."

"You know what, though? Just think of all the angry hate sex you can have while he's here."

"As tempting as that sounds I'll have to pass. Things are complicated enough. I really don't need it being made any worse."

"Oh, please, it would probably help. Well, maybe not for you two, but it would loosen you guys up so the rest of us wouldn't have to wonder if the room would explode every time you walk in."

"Would you stop making fun of me!"

We both started laughing. I had to admit to myself how tempting her idea sounded, but no. I couldn't let that happen. As awesome as it would feel - and it would feel awesome - it would be a complete disaster.

"Come on. Don't tell me it hasn't occurred to you. You were probably eye-fucking him all morning."

She had a point about that but I didn't have to admit it. The way she was staring at me, though, told me she saw right through my bullshit.

I waved my invisible white flag of defeat and grinned. "God, he's just so gorgeous still. Even more than before! He's going to be one of those lucky bastards that age perfectly. I can't stand him."

"You may hate him, but you still want him. Badly."

"I hate his cocky attitude," I continued as if I hadn't heard her. "He walks around like he owns the whole damn planet. Ugh!"

"I believe that's what attracted you to him in the first place."

"Shut up. Anyways, so he walks into the Starbucks and barely even acknowledges me before he walks up to the counter and outright flirts with the barista right in front of me, knowing I was sitting there. I wanted to strangle him."

"I can just imagine how much it would piss you off if he slept with her."

That thought made me growl. Actually growl. What the hell was wrong with me? I had no claim over him anymore. I had no right to get angry.

I knew that was fruitless, though. No one made me angrier than Carlisle. Ever. But at the same time, loving him was as easy as breathing. Easier even.

I sighed. What a fucking mess.

You would think being in our thirties now would make all this a little less like a high school flashback. Apparently not.

"You're so confused," Rose continues. "It's written all over your face."

"This is funny to you, isn't it?"

"A little bit, yes. But I'm worried about you too. The minute Edward and Bella announced their engagement my first thought was 'oh, fuck.' I saw all of this coming."

"Like a train wreck," I added. "That's what this is. That's what he and I are." I put my head down on the table. "I need a drink."

"While I understand the sentiment, I'm not allowing that when you have to drive yourself home to get your daughter."

"I'm not sure if I should thank you or tell you I know where Emmett keeps the beer."

She snorted. "In the refrigerator. No big secret. You know I'll pour it all down the drain just to keep it away from you."

"Ugh. I hate you."

"No you don't. So," she said, clearing her throat and changing the subject. "In other news, how pissed do you think Bella will be at Alice for this party?"

"Is it really a party, Rose? She'll kill us all."

"Not really. Alice wasn't lying when she said drinks. She just failed to mention that the bar knows we'll be there and why."

I buried my face in my hands. "We're dead."

"Oh, it's nothing on what the boys have planned for Edward."

"Does it involve strippers? Carlisle and I were speculating about that this morning."

Her eyebrows shot up and she laughed. "Well, look who's feeling some jealousy."

"I didn't just say that. I don't want to talk about him anymore. Forget I said anything."

"It involves Emmett, therefore, yes, it involves strippers. But he knows I'll kill him if I hear about anything other than one dance for Edward."

We both sat in silence for a minute, thinking about the possible repercussions of that.

"Let's agree never to mention any of this to Bella," I said.

"Agreed."

.

Friday night came, and I found myself in front of the mirror in my room holding dresses up against my body, deciding what looked best.

"The purple one, Mommy," Maggie said from her seat on my bed.

"You think so?"

She nodded vigorously. "It's pretty!"

"Well, all right, my little fashion helper. I'll wear the purple one."

"Good."

She hopped off the bed and left the room, I assumed to go back to her own.

I finished getting dressed at the same time Rose called to tell me she had picked Bella up and they were on their way to the bar Alice I chosen. I figured Alice was already sitting at a table, anxiously tapping her foot.

Once I got Maggie's overnight bag ready, we climbed into the car and I dropped her off at my parent's. My father's eyes twinkled mischievously when he told me to have fun. He was probably wishing he could be there to see Bella's face.

The drive to Port Angeles wasn't long, and I soon pulled into the parking lot of a bar the four of us had frequented close to ten years ago when we were younger. We would probably look the ridiculous, desperate girls tonight, but it didn't matter. Bella deserved some drinks after all the time she had spent preparing her wedding.

Actually, she deserved the drinks for managing to hold Alice at bay and keep her from taking over the wedding.

"Esme!"

The moment I stepped out of the car Alice came flying at me, beer in hand. Naturally, she was already halfway drunk.

"How many have you had?" I asked.

"Umm… I think this is my second. Yeah, second."

I shook my head and smiled. "Lightweight."

"Come on," she said, grabbing my hand. "Your sister's being boring. She won't let us buy her any drinks."

I rolled my eyes, and chose not to point out that if Bella didn't feel like drinking they shouldn't pressure her.

.

Two hours later, we were all drunk, even Bella, and Rose was in the middle of writing a detailed but messy list of all the reasons Bella should change her mind about the wedding – starting with the fact that she had seen Edward's balls when they were five and in her hazy logic they couldn't have grown much since then, and ending with Bella possibly being murdered by half the skanks still lurking around Forks.

"You guys," Bella mumbled, "how are we gonna get home? I have to get married tomorrow! What if I can't get home tonight?"

"Don't worry," I said. "We'll call Emmett."

Rose looked up, her eyes wide, and a huge smile on her face.

"My Emmy! He'll save us!"

Oh, here we go. "Rose, you are way too drunk to call him. I've got it."

I pulled out my phone and had to scroll through the numbers twice to find the right one. Okay, maybe I had more to drink than I thought.

"Who is she texting?" Alice demanded in a stage whisper before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

"She's gonna get my man to come get us!" Rose said.

"Nah, she's probably sending a booty text to Carlisle." More giggles. Except now Bella and Rose had joined in.

I groaned when Emmett replied. They were going to think they were right. All the boys were coming to get us.

I put my phone down without saying anything and went to bar to order the largest sangria I could. I would need more courage for this.

It was way too soon when three cars pulled up one after the other. I wasn't ready. I was only on my second sangria. I pouted and wondered if they would put one in a cup for me to take with me.

I felt someone slip their arm under mine, but I didn't even care who it was. I knew I had to look insane, being escorted out of the bar like this, but it was worth it to not have to deal with the fact Carlisle was here somewhere.

I was dumped into the passenger side of a car. When I turned to face my captor I groaned and laughed and felt like I was going to puke all at the same time.

"Ugh. It's you."

"Yes," Carlisle said. "It's me."

"I want a long island." I shoved his arm. "Go get me one."

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" he asked, buckling me in like I was a child.

I shook my head. "No way. I want another! Where's the bartender?" I turned around, and almost cried when all I saw was the backseat of a car. "Oh."

Carlisle laughed. "Try to sleep it off, Esme. We'll be home in a little while."

"Okay, sunshine." I said, patting his head. I started giggling again. "You're so adorable. Like a puppy. Your hair is like a golden retriever."

He rolled his eyes, making me giggle more. "Do I need to pull this car over so you can throw up?"

I shook my head. "Nuh-uh."

"Will you try to sleep? At least close your eyes."

I sighed and turned away, closing my eyes so he wouldn't get mad.

.

"Esme."

"Huh?"

"Time to wake up."

I opened my eyes and blinked several times. We were in front of my house. I really had fallen asleep. I still felt tipsy, but at least I didn't feel sick anymore. I turned to see Carlisle watching me intently.

I gave him a weak smile and rubbed my hands over my face.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better."

"That's good. I was a little worried about you for a minute there."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He worried about everyone constantly. "That's because you're a doctor. It's one of the negative side-effects of your job."

"It is, is it? And what are some of the good side-effects?"

"How much you care about people."

His eyes grew more intense the longer he stared at me. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable and ready to bolt out of the car. Why had I said that? It was opening that can of worms I was trying to keep the lid on.

"I care about you," he whispered.

"You shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't I care about you?"

In a moment of either bravery or stupidity, I leaned across the seat and kissed him softly.

I never wanted to pull away. Not ever. I was drowning in him with every moment that passed. It was all so familiar, but so different too – like coming home after a long time away.

"That's why," I said, breaking the kiss, but staying as close to him as I could be.

"I never stopped caring about you," I whispered against his lips. "No matter how badly I broke your heart."

I exited the car, and ran up my driveway, trying not to look back. My resolve died the moment I got to the door. I turned around to see him still sitting there, completely still, but staring at me like I held his life in my hands.

I quickly entered the house and sank to the ground, bracing myself against the tears I knew were coming.

* * *

><p>EsmeAliceRose brought up an excellent question and I'm going to address it now. Esme is 31 in this story and Carlisle is 33.<p>

I won't bore you with the reasons for my almost month long absence. If I did the words 'insane school schedule' and 'even more insane work schedule' and 'new kitchen floor installation' would appear a number of times.

But as always, thank you so much for reading!


	4. Eat, Drink, and Be Married

Hi. If you feel the need to reread the whole story before reading this don't worry. I had to do that too. Also, Kelley came up with the title. I take no responsibility for that.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for bringing me all the way back here," I told Emmett while he drove me to the bar to get my car.<p>

"It was so worth it coming out here last night to get you guys. You should have seen yourselves!"

"Ugh. Shut up. I don't want to think about how messy we were."

"Yeah, well if it makes you feel better we weren't much better off."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"I didn't think it would, short stuff."

I rolled my eyes. "Why the hell do you still call me that?"

"Because everyone is short to me."

I had to give him that one. "Fair point."

After the heavy way last night had ended I was grateful for the sunshine and good mood Emmett had put me in. That was just Emmett's way, though. He was everyone's big brother whether he was related to them or not. No one I knew was more naturally carefree and happy.

But with the way my life had been going the past few days I should have known it wouldn't last long.

When we pulled into the parking lot and I moved to get out of the car, Emmett grabbed my wrist. "Esme?"

I turned around to face him.

"I know you've never been comfortable talking about what happened between you two, but he still loves you."

I raised an eyebrow. "He said this?"

He shrugged and released my hand. "He doesn't have to."

I climbed out without another word, but as I drove home Emmett's words played on my mind like a needle stuck on a record. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I knew he was right. Everyone did.

We couldn't go down that path again, though. It would only end in heartbreak for everyone. And unlike last time, I had to consider Maggie. She was too attached to Carlisle already. If we broke each other's hearts again, it would break hers too.

I couldn't risk that.

.

Six hours and three near-panic attacks later Maggie and I stood in a small room at the back of the church with the rest of the wedding party, waiting to be told it was time.

She kept tapping my leg, asking when it was going to be her turn to walk down the aisle.

"Mommy, I'm bored," she whined when I sat her at the table and looked around for something she could draw on.

I knelt in front of her as best as my dress would allow.

"Sweetie, I know, but it won't be much longer. Just hang in there for a little while, okay. Aunt Bella's still getting ready and we want her to look pretty, right?"

She smiled wide and nodded. "Super pretty!"

"Hey, shortcake, let me show you something awesome you can do while we wait."

I had to roll my eyes. Whatever Emmett had in mind could not be good. Especially when it involved his phone.

"Don't worry," he told me. "It's just Skee Ball."

I sat on the table, not caring about my dress, and watched Maggie play for a few moments. I knew Carlisle was watching us, but when I looked up and saw his smile I wasn't prepared for how content it made me feel. I had screwed up so much in my life, but the way he looked at us made me feel like Maggie was the one thing I had gotten right.

Eventually we were told it was time to line up, and I had to put my hand on top of Maggie's head to keep her from bouncing up and down while we waited for the music to start.

Once I was positioned at the front, I watched with a smile as Bella came down the aisle with my daughter proudly carrying her train behind her. She would never try to overshadow her aunt on her wedding day, and maybe I was a bit biased, but my baby was the most beautiful thing in the world, practically skipping behind Bella in her excitement.

She sat between my parents through the ceremony, and amazingly managed to sit still the entire time. I suspected the silly faces Carlisle was subtly making at her might have something to do with that.

Dammit, why couldn't he just stop being so perfect? It was his best friend's wedding and he was going to spend it entertaining my daughter. Going away was supposed to make him boring, not make me want him more. Stupid, useless man.

Once the ceremony was over, I picked up Maggie outside the church. I could tell she was tired from the way she laid her head on my shoulder. I prayed she would last through the reception. She would probably be back to bouncing around once she had some dinner, but for now my princess was exhausted.

The two families took one limo to the reception hall and the wedding party took another. I was glad for the fifteen minute break from Carlisle's presence. He had been here less than a week and I was already running away from him.

Maggie fell asleep with her head on my lap almost the minute we climbed into the car.

"Aww, poor baby," Bella said, brushing Maggie's hair away from her face. "She's probably so worn out."

I nodded. "Sorry she was a little over enthusiastic with her duties."

"No way! She was amazing. She was probably more excited to be there than anyone else in the church. I couldn't have asked for better help."

"So," Mom interjected, obviously bursting to question her baby girl, "are you excited to finally be married?"

She looked at Edward, but he only shrugged. "It doesn't feel much different, honestly," Bella said.

Mom didn't look convinced, but she was much more romantic than Bella and me. Sometimes I swore we were adopted. Our mom lived with her head in the clouds while her daughters lived with their feet on the ground.

Life wasn't always a fairytale.

I had no doubt, though, that Edward and Bella would have an amazing marriage. Their bond was solid, and they both went in with both eyes open. They were so much smarter than Carlisle and I had been.

Edward leaned back against the seat and fiddled with the ring on Bella's finger. "Now all we have to do is find a house."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Dad asked. I rolled my eyes. He was so pragmatic. If they wanted a house, let them buy a damn house. The wedding wasn't that expensive.

"We have enough saved for a down payment and already have mortgage approval," Bella assured him. "We've just been waiting so that we weren't planning a wedding and a move at the same time. It's beyond time, though. I can't handle that apartment anymore."

I smiled sympathetically. They had been living in a tiny apartment together for what felt like forever while they saved nearly all their pennies. A house was well deserved.

Maggie was still sound asleep when we arrived at the reception hall, but we still had an hour before the guests would begin arriving, so there was no way I was going to wake her yet. I lifted her into my arms and carried her on my hip into the hall, not caring that my dress was probably wrinkled in that "I just got fucked against a bathroom wall" kind of way. Too bad that wasn't the case.

"Has she been asleep since we left the church?" Carlisle asked. He had undone his bowtie and it was hanging over his shoulders. I wanted to whimper at how hot he looked.

I shook my head and settled for snark instead of sex noises.

"You don't like your tie, or what?"

He fingered the end. "God knows why he decided on bowties instead of regular ones," he said with a smirk. "Kid has no fashion sense."

"Hey," I shot back. "Bowties are cool."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Es."

Ugh. Why did he have to call me that? Only he ever did, and he knew exactly what he was doing right now. Stupid overgrown child. I decided to do the only smart thing I could: growl at him and walk away.

See? I could be mature too.

I sat down at a random table with Maggie in my lap, stroking her hair. She stirred after several minutes and rubbed her eyes.

"Hi, my precious girl. Did you sleep well?"

"Mommy, I was sleeping." My baby, always stating the obvious.

"You sure were, princess. It's almost time for the reception to start. Are you ready to party?"

"Party! Like a ball, Mommy? Grandpa promised a ball."

I laughed. "Yes, like a ball. A little bit."

She looked confused but didn't question me further. Rose took her to get some water and a sandwich to hold her over, while Alice brought me something stronger.

"I love you," I told her when she handed me a glass of wine.

She smiled. "Oh, honey, this is just the beginning. Cheers." She touched her glass to mine and saying 'fuck you' to any kind of wine etiquette, we downed half of them in one gulp. "I figured you would need that jump start on this evening."

"Definitely," I said, finishing the rest of my glass.

Not long after, guests started arriving. I went to find Maggie so we could sit down at the head table. She needed to eat something more substantial than a sandwich if she was going to last the whole evening without falling asleep again.

"Mommy," she said when I scooped her up. "Can I spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's? Grandma says she misses making me blueberry pancakes and if I spend the night I can have some in the morning, and I really want some so can I, please?"

I laughed. "Whoa, slow down. Of course if Grandma asked you, it's fine, but I don't want you harassing her for pancakes, okay?"

"She asked. Really, Mommy, I promise." Her eyes were wide, begging me to believe her. I almost laughed because honestly she reminded me so much of Agnes from _Despicable Me_ sometimes. Except her personality was more like Edith's. Definitely my daughter.

"Okay, baby, you can go."

She started clapping her hands. "Yay, I get pancakes!"

I had to thank my mom. She wasn't stupid. She knew it would be a huge relief to me if she took Maggie for the night. I couldn't drink like I used to anymore, and I was already feeling the one glass of wine I had. I would probably be drunk before dinner was over.

Once everyone was seated and plates were served, I relaxed, thrilled that the seating arrangement at the wedding party's table ensured that I was on the opposite end of it from Carlisle.

I grinned smugly when I caught him watching me, content that he couldn't actually talk to me without yelling across the table. His manners were too perfect for that.

As long as he didn't start passing notes I was safe.

The atmosphere in the room was lively with everyone talking and laughing. It was so loud I was surprised that Dad managed to get everyone's attention for his speech.

And in his typical fashion he talked for thirty seconds about how much he loved his baby girl and how he owned a gun.

Mom cried of course, and Carlisle… well, I didn't really pay attention. His bowtie was still undone.

"Mommy." Someone was poking me in the arm. "Mommy." Oh, right. Daughter. I tore my eyes away from Carlisle and looked down.

"Mommy, can I go dance with Uncle Emmett? He says I have to ask you, but he wants me to be his first dance."

What the hell? Since when had we finished eating and moved on to dancing?

"Of course, baby," I told her. She hopped out of her seat and took Emmett's hand. I watched with a smile as she stood on his shoes and he twirled them around the dance floor, not caring if anyone got in the way.

"You know, I've been back less than a week, and already I feel like that kid is the mayor. She has the whole town wrapped around her finger."

"Ugh, it's you. What do you want?"

I did my best to grimace as Carlisle lowered himself into the chair next to mine.

"Maybe I want a dance."

I couldn't help it. I burst into laughter. "Did all that charm you think you have ever really work on me? Damn, I was blind in my youth."

"No, that was because I'm hot. It's got nothing to do with charm."

"Cocky as ever," I said, taking a sip of my wine.

"You love my cock. Let's not pretend otherwise."

"Loved," I corrected him. "Don't delude yourself into thinking that's still the case."

He shrugged and sipped his champagne. "Come on," he said, taking my hand. "One dance won't kill you."

I tried to think of something witty to say, but thinking and drinking don't mix, and the way his hand felt over mine was doing funny things to my ovaries.

Dammit.

Carlisle 1; Esme 0.

He led to me to the outer edge of the floor, which I was grateful for because I knew my mom would cause some kind of fangirly scene if she saw us. She would never be able to contain her happiness.

His arm slid around my waist and pulled me so that I was flat up against him. Oh, so it was going to be like that, was it? Well, I could play dirty too. I was just the right height in these heels to lay my head on his shoulder.

I ran my finger down the skin behind his ear as he spun me around, and just when he shivered, I dragged my lips over the path my finger made as lightly as I could.

Bless these heels.

"Esme," he groaned. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" I smiled innocently even though he couldn't see.

"You know what you're doing," he said, inching his hand lower down my back. No way was I going to let that go. He wasn't going to win this fight.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled back to look him in the eye. "I'm not doing anything."

He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I know you can feel what you're doing to me."

The way his arms were wrapped around my waist with mine around his neck, we could not possibly have been any closer, and he was absolutely right. I could feel every inch of him.

I felt like the room was spinning. That was probably half alcohol, half Carlisle at this point. All I really knew was that if I didn't push him away soon I was going to do something really stupid.

He wasn't letting go, though. He wasn't even pulling back any. He was just moving us slowly in a circle, with his arms looped tightly around my waist.

I hated how amazing it felt.

Nothing about him should have felt that good anymore.

I sighed, giving in, and rested my head on his shoulder. I should have warned him when he kissed the top of my head. I should have pushed him off me for being so intimate. Everything about this dance should have set off little alarm bells in my head. But all I could think about was how it felt to be in his arms again – like being home.

When the song ended I stumbled out of his arms.

"Sorry," I said. "I just need to step outside for a minute."

I walked as fast as I could to the door that led to the small hallway off our reception room, and thanked God no one was around to see me cry.

I sank to the floor, not even caring that my dress would be wrinkled and my makeup was probably a disaster, and this was my sister's wedding day and I shouldn't even be thinking about all my own drama right now.

All I could focus on was how Carlisle had blown back into my life and completely fucked it up, but I really didn't want it to go back to the way it was before.

I cried until I couldn't anymore, and then I just sat there with my head on my knees until I felt someone come up beside me and pull me into their arms.

"I hate you," I told him, clinging onto his arm, afraid he would leave if I didn't. "Sometimes I really hate you."

"I know," he said, and that made me hate him even more. Why couldn't he fight back? Why couldn't he just argue with me and be glib and sarcastic and tell me I didn't hate him? "I deserve it, Esme."

"Don't say things like that," I said.

"Why not?"

I roughly pushed him away, suddenly angry. He was too calm – too gentle – and this was a place we could not ever go again.

"Because you're still trying to underhandedly make decisions for me. I'm not some teenage girl promising to follow you anywhere, Carlisle. I grew up. I have my own life now. I don't want you anymore."

I gritted my teeth as I forced the last sentence out, trying to make him understand. This would not work, and I refused to go down this road again – no matter how much we both knew I was lying.

He released his grip on me and sat down Indian style so that we faced each other. I was glad for the loss of contact even though being in his arms still felt amazing, no matter the context. At least this way I could think clearly.

"What if I say I'm a total fuckup instead?" he asked with a smile.

I laughed and wiped some of the tears from my face. "That's a little more accurate, but it still doesn't change anything."

"No," he agreed. "It doesn't. But at least we can agree on something, huh?"

"I guess."

We looked like a bad prom scene from an eighties movie sitting on the floor in a dark hallway in black tie clothes. That thought almost made me laugh until I realized how I must have looked and groaned instead.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said. "Except that I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, crying my eyes out over you when I should be celebrating my sister's wedding."

He nodded and reached out to rub my cheek. I leaned into his touch, unable to stop myself.

"We should get you cleaned up and rejoin the party." He held out his hand and lifted me off the floor, before disappearing into the men's room and bringing back a wet paper towel.

He gently wiped away the mascara that I was sure was all over my face. He cupped my cheek when he finished, rubbing my jaw with his thumb.

"If I know you, you're going to want to fix your makeup before going back out there so I'll see you in a few minutes, okay?"

I wanted to tell him to stop being so nice to me and that I could see exactly what he was doing and it wasn't going to work, but I couldn't. All I could do was nod and say thank you.

I watched him go before heading to the ladies room to make myself presentable again. I really didn't need half the town knowing how badly I had broken down.

It wasn't half as bad as I expected when I looked in the mirror. Carlisle had done a good job of cleaning me up. I hated that he had seen me like that, but it hadn't been the first time, and it had allowed for a tiny bit of progress between us. We had agreed to be civil when he first arrived - and we had been - but tonight it was like some of the negative emotions between us had finally been cleared away. I felt lighter than I had since I had first seen him again, and even though it wasn't perfect, at least some of the animosity was gone.

I finished cleaning myself up and breathed deeply before slipping back into the main reception hall, hoping no one had missed me.

Wrong.

I was immediately attacked by a small person who was calling me mommy and asking where I had been.

"Mommy didn't feel good, baby, so I just stepped outside for a minute. You didn't get into too much trouble while I was gone, did you?"

She shook her head a little too innocently. "Nuh-uh. I was just dancing with Uncle Jasper, but Mommy you missed cake, but it's okay because I made sure to save you some."

"You did? Well, aren't you perfect?"

She took my hand and led me to the main family table where sure enough there was a cupcake waiting for me along with another glass of wine. I hoped my daughter hadn't had a hand in that as well, but I suspected Alice.

I relaxed a little while having Maggie in my lap and a glass of wine in my hand, but my brain still couldn't stop turning over every strange moment of my exchange with Carlisle, from the dance we shared to our bizarre moment on the floor in the hall.

"Mommy, where's my BFF?" Maggie asked out of nowhere. I prayed she didn't mean Carlisle, but of course she did.

"I don't know, baby. Around here somewhere."

"I'm gonna find him." And just like that she took off into the crowd on the dance floor and showed up a few minutes later, dragging my worst nightmare behind her.

"Found him!" she said brightly, obviously pleased with herself, and having no idea about the number of gray hairs she was giving her poor mother.

He sat down beside her, an amused smile on his face. "She insisted I come sit with her," he said, sounding almost apologetic.

I instantly felt horrible about the way I had treated him. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel the need to apologize for being in my presence. But thanks to the miracle of children's short attention spans, Maggie caught none of what passed between us, and instead began pushing a cupcake on Carlisle telling him he missed cake too and needed to eat it.

I sighed in relief when Rose collapsed into a chair at the other end of the table and nodded for me to join her.

"Tell me you guys didn't have sex in the bathroom when you disappeared," she whispered.

I groaned. So much for hoping my little freak-out had gone undetected. "We definitely did not," I said.

"Damn. That would have been perfect."

I gaped at her. "Are you insane?"

"Not the last time I checked. But seriously, Esme, that probably would have done you both a world of good. Get all the anger out."

"For your information we managed to talk most of it out."

She gave me a skeptical look.

"Well, okay, I cried most of it out," I admitted, "But still... We did talk… A little."

Her eyebrows raised even further.

"Oh my God, Rose, the point is I think we're finally fine."

"And what about the other thing?" she pressed.

"Ugh, no. Not thinking about that. I can't. No, ma'am." I looked down the length of the table to where my child and my ex where now playing tic-tac-toe on a napkin. No, I absolutely could not go where Rose was trying to push me. Not yet. Not ever.

I got up to get another glass of wine and when I returned Rose was nowhere in sight, but Bella was at the table, brushing Maggie's hair off her face while her and Carlisle still played.

"Hey, sis," I said. "Where's Edward?"

"Around," she replied a little too quickly and with just a little too much looking from side to side suspiciously. Least stealthy person in the world. They were definitely up to something.

Bella took my hand and started walking me toward the DJ booth on the other side of the dance floor just as I heard Edward's voice over the microphone asking for the best man and maid of honor to come forward.

I had a moment of panic because I couldn't remember being asked to give a speech and frankly I was half past way too drunk for that. Somehow I ended up standing next to my brother-in-law, with Carlisle on the other side of him.

And then Bella took the microphone and started to speak and I wanted to die of embarrassment from being in the spotlight while drunk. I grinned, thinking I probably wouldn't remember this anyway.

"We just wanted to give a little toast of our own," Bella said. "You never realize until you're getting married just how much of the responsibility rests on the maid of honor and best man. But especially the maid of honor. Let's be honest, all Carlisle really had to do was get Edward here on time."

Everyone laughed. I felt the strange desire to point and laugh at him as well, but I had a feeling that wouldn't go over so well. I stuck with the safe option of continuing to stand there silently.

"Esme has taken so much of her time over the past year to help plan this wedding, and has made the whole process into one of the best years of my life. So for that Edward and I want to say thank you… to both of you," she added, "for being here for us always, but especially today, and for all that you both do for us. You guys are amazing."

Fuck, now I wanted to cry.

"A toast to our two best friends," Edward said. Everyone raised their glasses, and I was stunned to discover I was still holding my wine.

"Cheers to me," I whispered before downing half of it.

Edward snaked his arm through mine and whispered in my ear, "We haven't danced yet, and I'm not too sure you can stand on your own at this point."

"Hush, I'm fine."

He laughed. "No you're not. Carlisle told me what happened earlier."

"Of course he did. No way that was gonna stay private for long. Not with his big mouth."

"Esme, he just doesn't want you to hate him. He's not asking you to fall in love with him again, and he may not say it, but you hating him is killing him."

"Good," I said, not really sure why I felt that way.

Edward just shook his head. "I guess saying you have to be nice to him because he's my friend isn't going to work, is it?"

"No, it's not. First of all, we're not five, and second, I am being perfectly nice to him."

He laughed again. "You are too far gone, Esme. No more wine tonight, okay?"

"No way. It's a party, Edward. You're supposed to drink."

"You're gonna regret this tomorrow."

"No, I won't. You'll see."

He just shrugged. "If you say so. I'm getting Carlisle to drive you home, though. He's only had one drink all night."

I rolled my eyes. "See, this is why I need more. You can't get someone sensible to drive me around. It has to be him. The one person I don't want to be around." I slapped his chest. "Grr."

And of course he laughed again. "Grr? Really, Esme?"

"Don't make fun of me."

I was grateful when the song ended and Bella found us. All I wanted to do was get back to the table and cuddle my daughter. I found her sound asleep in a chair with her head on my mom's shoulder.

"We were just waiting for you," Mom said. "She passed out a little while ago, and I think it's time to get her home."

I nodded. "Thanks so much, Mom, for taking her."

She waved me off. "Nonsense. She's been raving all day about spending the night. She loves it, and anytime she wants to, you know she's always welcome."

I stroked my baby's hair and she mumbled in her sleep, making me smile. I hated the thought of waking her up, but I wanted to say goodnight. She was too adorable, though, and if I woke her up now she wouldn't want to leave and then she would just get cranky. I settled for kissing her forehead and whispering goodnight, before mom lifted her into her arms and told us all goodnight.

What I hadn't noticed until then was the look on Carlisle's face as he watched the whole exchange, and since I was apparently still determined to make an idiot out of myself I snapped at him.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Yes but now's probably not the right time for that."

I wanted to slap that amused grin off his face. I glared at him instead. "Cute, but not happening."

The rest of the night passed in a blur of two more glasses of wine, dancing with my friends, and trying to pretend Carlisle didn't exist. I did a damn good job of it until the party started to wind down as more and more people went home. Before I knew it only the bridal party was left, and the staff was already cleaning up.

"It's time to get you home," Carlisle whispered in my ear after I collapsed into a chair.

I jumped. "Holy shit, don't sneak up on me like that!"

He tried to take my hand, but I pushed him away. "I can walk. Just because my sister thinks I need a handler doesn't mean I do."

"I never thought you did," he said, backing away. "But still, you don't have your car here and even if you did there's no way anyone in this building would let you drive."

"I'm coming," I grumbled, walking ahead of him to say goodbye to my sister and brother-in-law.

They both hugged me and thanked me for everything and then Bella whispered in my ear not to do anything stupid. I had a feeling she meant something like have sex with the insanely gorgeous man who was driving me home, but then again she nominated him for that task so maybe she meant the opposite. Hell if I knew, and I didn't really care. I just wanted my bed and some water at this point.

The car ride wasn't very long because it only takes ten seconds to get everywhere in Forks, and when we got to the house I didn't even protest when he put his arm around me for support. Alcohol plus porch steps usually equals an unavoidable crash with the ground.

Once we were inside I collapsed onto the couch, not even caring where Carlisle was or what he was doing until he showed up beside me with a glass of orange juice and became my hero.

"You are amazing," I told him.

"You need to have water too, but we'll start with this."

"Thank you," I said. "For bringing me home. You didn't have to do that."

Now that I was here in my own living room in almost total darkness with this man, I couldn't act like the hardened woman who wouldn't stop pushing him away. I didn't have that in me right now. I wasn't too enthusiastic about appearing so vulnerable, letting him see the real me for the first time in years, but it felt good too. Necessary.

"Actually I did," he said. "Remember?"

I curled up on the couch facing him, and brought my knees up to my chin, trying to protect myself as best I could since I had taken all my armor down.

"Why do you insist on taking care of me?" I asked.

"Because I care about you."

The look in his eyes made me squirm and I really wish he'd stop saying that.

"Haven't we been over this recently?" I asked with a bit more sarcasm than I was originally going for.

He grinned. "Yes we have, but that's the honest answer."

"Well, I still say you shouldn't, but I can't stop you or anything."

He stared at me for a long time as I sipped my orange juice. I was starting to wonder if he was going to say anything else or just watch me until I passed out. Honestly that thought was a little creepy.

When he finally spoke it was a whisper and my heart nearly broke from the pained sound of his voice. "Esme, why do you always push me away?"

"I don't," I defended, knowing it was a lie and knowing he knew it too.

"You have since we were kids. I was always the one chasing you."

I opened my mouth to retort but he put his hand up to stop me. "I'm not saying I ever doubted you. I never did. Not for a second. I know you loved me, Esme. It just wasn't enough, was it?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. He moved closer and brushed his thumb across my jaw. "Why were you so afraid of loving me?"

"I don't know," I whispered, tears blurring my vision.

He leaned closer and waited, silently asking permission. I nodded and when his lips brushed mine all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and show him everything I had never properly been able to say. His hand cupped my cheek when I opened my mouth, allowing him to kiss me fully, and I felt the tears behind my eyelids threatening to spill over.

I grabbed his waist to pull him closer until I was almost in his lap, never breaking the kiss once. I was drowning in him and never wanted to come up for air again.

Carlisle broke the kiss first. "Esme," he whispered, his voice rough and broken and the most beautiful sound in the world. "We shouldn't."

I didn't want to listen to him. I wanted to pull him down so his body covered mine and make him forget he ever said anything. The look in his eyes stopped me, though. Even as far gone as I was I could see it. I had broken him so fully that I doubted he'd ever trust me again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just can't."

I nodded in understanding.

"We should probably get you to bed."

I said nothing as he lifted me into his arms and carried me down the hall. He pulled back the blankets and placed me on the mattress, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"I'll be on the couch. Try to get some sleep, Esme. Please."

I nodded, not trusting my voice. It wasn't until I heard the door click shut behind him that I allowed myself to bury my head in the pillow and cry.

* * *

><p>The next chapter is halfway written so now that my life has calmed down updates will be back to normal. I promise.<p> 


	5. The Morning After

I live in the Central Standard timezone of the USA where it is currently 11pm. My beautiful pre-reader, anhanninen, does not. In her timezone it's already her birthday! Happy birthday, Ash. ILY.

* * *

><p>Edward was right.<p>

I did regret it.

The alcohol, that is.

The one thing I didn't regret was stumbling into my kitchen the next morning to find Carlisle in his tux pants and a white t-shirt.

"Tell me you didn't sleep in those pants."

"I did."

I sat down on one of the stools and put my head on the bar, groaning. It felt like my brain was slowly exploding. Very slowly.

The sound of metal on metal snapped me out of my semi-delirious state. "What are you doing?"

"Making eggs. Or do you not like them anymore?"

His face fell and he looked so adorable with his sweet puppy eyes and his messy morning hair. I giggled, shaking my head.

"I still like them. Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

He waved me off. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Like I'm dying."

"Bonus points for honesty," he said with a grin.

If I hadn't been so hungover I probably would have been really uncomfortable with just how at home he was acting in my kitchen, but I couldn't complain. I was getting breakfast out of it.

He poured me a glass of orange juice and scooped the eggs onto two plates. He pushed my plate across the bar to me and remained standing, leaning against the oven, eating his.

I wanted to declare it illegal to force a poor hangover victim to watch you eat eggs, leaning casually against her oven in tuxedo pants.

"You should take some Tylenol after you eat."

I nodded. "I know. Did you sleep okay on the couch? I know it's not that comfortable."

He laughed, making me raise my eyebrows.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"All that anger and aggression and then the way you finally opened up a little last night, and now we're having a conversation as normal as talking about the weather."

I shrugged. "I don't want to fight with you anymore. I really, really don't."

"Good, because I don't either. I seem to remember us calling a truce when I got here. That hasn't held up so well."

"Hey," I defended. "I've been perfectly friendly in public."

"Yes, public being the word of choice there."

"Well, you didn't say anything about not being able to rip you apart in private," I grumbled.

He smiled the way he used to whenever I did something adorable, and put my plate in the sink, telling me to go get a shower and take some pills for my head. For reasons entirely unknown to me I did exactly as he said.

The shower felt amazing and by the time I had swallowed two extra strength Excedrin and downed another glass of orange juice, I felt almost back to normal.

I found Carlisle in the living room flipping through the channels. It really should have pissed me off the way he was acting like he lived here.

"Enjoying my home?" I asked sarcastically as I flopped down on the other end of the couch.

"Yep." He shut off the TV and turned to face me. "Do you feel better?"

I nodded. "I'm still exhausted, though. I'm gonna need a long nap later."

"When do you have to pick Maggie up?"

"She knows to call me when she's ready to come home."

"So," he started, "about last night…"

"Do we really have to do this? Can't we just bury everything and forget it?"

He shook his head. "You know that's just taking the easy way out. God, I wish this was easier, Esme. That you were easier. Less prickly, and demanding, and downright selfish. I wish I felt differently about you – still – but I don't, and I don't think I ever will."

"Okay, I deserved that," I admitted.

"Really?" He looked shocked at my simple acceptance of what he said. I supposed he had every right to be. Normally I would have thrown his words right back at him, but if last night proved anything it's that he was absolutely right about me.

I nodded, drawing my legs up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. If we were going to have a heart to heart I needed to feel at least a little protected.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "I'll be totally honest, I've been nothing but a bitch to you since you got here. I'm sorry."

He looked shocked at my admission. I hardly blamed him for that. I wasn't exactly known for my willingness to apologize.

"You're sure about that?" he asked with a teasing grin.

I grinned and threw one of the couch pillows at him. "Shut up, I mean it."

"I know," he said, turning serious again. "And I'm sorry too. I've spent a lot of time baiting you. It was too easy."

"See, we both suck."

"You know what I'm not sorry for, though, is that dance. I'm not sorry for that at all."

Damn cocky bastard. He knew exactly how gorgeous he was and used it to his advantage constantly. Like baiting me for instance. I was too easy.

"Yeah, I bet you really enjoyed that." See, I could bait him too.

His head was resting on the back of the couch, and his eyes were closed with a light smile on his lips. He looked so young and beautiful, and for a moment it felt like before he had left – before we had completely fallen apart.

"You know exactly how much."

We sat in silence for several moments until he spoke again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I said.

"What made you panic like that last night?"

I thought for a moment. I couldn't even pinpoint one specific thing. I guessed it was the culmination of every pent up emotion that had come back to life with his reappearance in my life.

"Everything, I guess. Ever since you came back I've been so conflicted over our past and where it all went wrong, plus you being here again, reminding me of all the things I always loved about you. And the way you were holding me really didn't help me think properly."

"I'm sorry, Esme. I never should have done that."

"We really need to stop apologizing to each other," I told him.

"We have a lot to apologize for. Maybe we should just have one huge blanket apology. I'm horribly sorry for every wrong I've ever done you in the past thirty years. Even that time you stole my snow cone and I pushed you off the playground."

"I thought you never intended to apologize for that ever?"

"Well, you did steal my damn snow cone. But see, I finally said I'm sorry for it. We're taking a big step here."

"You're such a child sometimes."

He laughed. "Hey, speaking of children-"

I jumped up, scrambling for my phone. "Oh my God, I should call, shouldn't I? She probably thinks I died or something."

He raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt that."

"Mommy!" Maggie answered my parents' house phone with her typical enthusiasm. Thank God for caller ID.

"Hi, baby. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, and this morning I got pancakes! Sorry, Mommy, but Grandma makes them better than you."

I laughed, and Carlisle glanced at me sideways, obviously curious. I covered the mouthpiece. "I make shitty pancakes apparently."

"Can't argue there," he agreed.

I slapped his arm and returned my attention to the phone.

"Are you ready to come home yet?"

"Sure, Mommy. But only if we can go out for lunch."

"Oh, so you're bribing me. I see how it is. Okay, princess, decide where you want to go, and I'll be there soon."

"Okay, Mommy, I love you. Bye."

And with a click she hung up. I had to smile. No one could play me like my daughter. Carlisle should have taken lessons from her.

Speaking of Carlisle…

I turned to see him watching me curiously. "I'm going to pick her up now and take her to lunch. Did you… Did you maybe want to come with us?"

I had no idea what compelled me to ask him along, but the way his eyes sparkled at the thought made me incapable of regretting it. I wanted to at least make sure his last days here this time were good ones. Not days full of being screamed at and pushed away.

"Are you sure? I know spending time with me isn't something you want anymore."

The tinge of hurt in his voice made me frown. Had I really acted that horribly? I knew the answer of course. Yes I had. But as hard as I tried I simply couldn't lower my defenses all the way. That would only lead to letting him back into my heart, and that would equal disaster.

"I know Maggie will love to see you. And besides, it's just lunch. Maybe I'll even text everyone else to come along."

He smirked. "With the obvious exception of Edward and Bella."

I couldn't help but bait him a little. "Oh no. If I taught her well, they're having sex for the fifth time right now."

He grinned. "That's my Esme."

A little thrill shot through me at his words, but I stomped it down. I couldn't allow myself to feel happy over those things anymore. We weren't even friends anymore. We were playing nice for the sake of everyone who cared about us.

Except he wasn't playing nice. He was genuinely being nice because I had the sinking feeling he was still in love with me. He had admitted several times he still cared about me, and I had drunkenly said the same thing the other night, but for him I knew it still went way beyond that.

For the life of me I would never know why. I had been borderline abusive toward him for years, even when I loved him more than my own life. And he took it all and stood strong, always loving me.

I stared at him as he put on his jacket and gathered his car keys. I couldn't believe how little he had changed. It was like he was still living in the past, just in a different place and with a better job.

I didn't know if I wanted to kiss him or slap him for the way he was making me feel.

I shook my head to clear it, trying to focus on what was at hand. Lunch with my daughter. And Carlisle. I would need support for this. I texted Alice to see if she was free, and gathered my things, insisting we take my truck. I didn't want to feel anymore dependant on him than I already had over the last two days.

When we arrived at my parents' house Carlisle walked right in with me. I wanted to laugh at his boldness, but I realized it probably felt natural to him.

Maggie was, as I predicted, thrilled to see her BFF. She ran straight into his arms, totally ignoring me. I wasn't going to lie, I was jealous. But when she jumped from his arms to mine the envy faded away. It always felt like a part of me was gone when she spent the night at anyone else's house. She was so well loved by our large extended family, and everyone wanted a piece of her time, but sometimes I just wanted my daughter with me.

"Momma, I decided I want pizza."

"Of course you do," I told her, turning to Carlisle. "Is that all right?"

He nodded, and mom looked like she was about to jump out of her skin with questions, but thought better of it after the look I shot her that clearly said now was not the time.

I sent a text to Alice telling her where to meet us, and after Maggie hugged her grandparents goodbye, we drove to Pacific Pizza. Alice's car was already in the lot when we pulled in, and Maggie ran ahead of us into the restaurant. I laughed as we followed a bit slower. If I was being honest I wasn't in any hurry to see Alice's reaction to having Carlisle with us. She loved him like a brother, but more than anyone, even my sister, she understood where I was coming from with him.

"You look ridiculous," I told Carlisle as we walked in. Who wears tuxedo pants to a casual pizza place?

"Well, I don't exactly keep clothes at your place anymore, do I?"

"Fair point."

Alice was watching me like a hawk the entire time it took us to walk to the table, and by the time we sat down she looked ready to burst with questions. Sometimes I swore she was my mom's long lost daughter. They were practically the same person in so many ways.

"Glad to see you're at least alive this morning," Jasper said with a smirk, lifting his glass of soda in toast to me.

"Barely," I grumbled.

"She's fine," Carlisle said.

Maggie pushed on my arm until I scooted over to make space for her. Unfortunately because the booth was so small this meant I was all but smashed up against Carlisle. I could feel the entire length of his leg against mine, and his hand brushed mine every time he moved it. I wanted to tell him to stop fidgeting, but I was weak and he felt too good.

"Maggie, did you have fun at the wedding last night?" Alice asked.

Maggie nodded. "It was so cool! Aunt Bella looked like a princess, and everybody was so pretty, and danced like at a ball!"

"And who did you dance with besides me?" Jasper asked her.

She held up her fingers and ticked off the long list of people she danced with. By the time she was done our food had arrived and I was sitting in shock at how many times I had heard Carlisle's name on her list. When had all those dances happened? Or was I just too drunk to remember any of them?

Carlisle reached across me and grabbed the container of parmesan cheese, dumping it all over his slice of pizza. I had almost forgotten he always did that.

"What?" he asked, noticing the way I was staring at him with one of my eyebrows cocked.

"You're still not shiesty at all with the cheese are you?"

He just shrugged, grinning. He knew exactly how much that habit of his used to piss me off, but then again it was never him trying to clean specks of cheese out of the grain in my kitchen table.

As we ate, Alice occupied herself with chatting with Maggie, even though I knew she was bursting with questions for me. I was not looking forward to that conversation. I found myself listening with interest to Jasper and Carlisle talk about Carlisle's life back in Chicago. Somehow I had convinced myself he didn't have a life there, but it turned out he did. It was clear in the way he talked about it that he adored his job, and he even had a little circle of friends there, not unlike the one he had left behind.

I breathed a sigh of relief to learn he wasn't seeing anyone, even though logically I knew that. He glanced over and looked me right in the eye as he said it, and I couldn't help but smile.

It hurt more than I ever thought it would to hear how happy he was in Chicago. Hadn't I been the one who pushed him there in the first place? And here I was feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't the thing in his life that made him happiest anymore. Not that I ever should have been in the first place. I brought him nothing but pain, but he'd loved me unconditionally anyway.

He must have sensed my internal struggle because the next thing I knew his hand was on my knee and he gave it a light squeeze. I didn't think anything of it aside from a friendly gesture until he moved his hand up my thigh.

I choked on my pizza.

That was not friendly.

That was decidedly intimate.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, face full of concern over my obviously imminent death by pizza.

"I'm fine," I squeaked.

Carlisle just sat there, hand now rubbing circles dangerously high on my thigh with a shit eating grin on his face, looking like the cat who ate the whole cage of canaries.

I wanted to kick him.

Luckily Alice beat me to it having figured out what he was up too, no doubt from his complete inability to bluff.

"Behave yourself," she told him, kicking him under the table. His hand left my thigh as soon as her foot connected with his knee.

Of course it didn't stay away for long. A few minutes later I felt his fingers ghost over my jeans again, this time much higher. I was determined to keep my composure, lest my child discover her BFF practically trying to finger me through my jeans.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Hadn't he been the one just last night saying we shouldn't do this? And now he was trying to do exactly this in the middle of a restaurant.

I was beyond relieved when everyone finished eating, and I managed to escape without any of Alice's questions, even though she did say something about calling me later. I was not looking forward to that.

.

Alice being Alice, of course she didn't call me later.

She came over instead.

That same evening after Maggie went to bed, Alice and I settled onto the couch with two glasses of wine and some Cheez-its.

Always classy, the two of us.

"I'm not sure which question I want to ask first," she said. "What happened last night or what happened at lunch today."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you noticed everything today so you've got that answer already."

She nodded. "True, but the real question is what the hell happened last night that caused today to happen in the first place? Did he spend the night?"

I thought that had been fairly obvious from his state of dress this afternoon.

"Yes, but not like that."

"So you didn't sleep with him?"

"No, Alice, of course not."

"But you wanted to."

It wasn't a question, and even if it had been it didn't matter. She knew the answer.

I sighed. "It doesn't matter anyway. I have to go back to my life tomorrow and he's leaving for Chicago on Tuesday. We'll probably never see each other again."

She snorted. "Oh, yes you will. You can run away from your feelings for him forever if that makes you happy, but you and I both know damn well there are other things that can't stay hidden."

I couldn't allow myself to think about what she meant. Ever. That door had been closed a long time ago, and opening it now would only spell disaster for everyone I loved. I wasn't going to let that happen.

Carlisle would go back to his life in Chicago, and Maggie and I would go back to the life we had here. The life I had worked so hard for with nobody's help. I wasn't about to risk everything I had worked for now.


	6. Going Home

**CPOV**

I tossed the last couple of shirts Rosalie had folded in my suitcase and zipped it shut. Emmett sat on the edge of the couch that had been serving as my bed for the past few nights. He was fidgeting so much I thought he was going to fall off.

"Emmett, dude, seriously just spit it out. You're making me nervous."

"Are you gonna go see Esme before your flight?"

I put the suitcase on the floor and sat down. "Probably. I wasn't sure if I should at first, but... we've made some progress, I think. And I can't leave without saying goodbye to Maggie."

"Kid's got you whipped, huh? Don't worry, she's got us all."

It was easy to see why. She reminded me so much of Esme it was scary. Only she was a little less fiesty than her mother. Sweet. That was the perfect word to describe Maggie. She was the sweetest kid I'd ever met.

And Emmett was right. She had me. One hundred percent.

Only Esme's child could manage to own me so completely in less than a day.

The morning after the wedding when I had gone with them to get pizza everything had felt perfect — natural. I knew then that I was a goner. Yesterday Maggie had to go back to school so I didn't get to see her, but she found Esme's phone and called Emmett to talk to me. Esme had explained that I had to leave, and Maggie called to ask me not to.

It broke my heart to tell her I had to go. My life was in Chicago now, and I couldn't abandon it. Even though I would if Esme asked me to.

But Maggie and I had a secret.

She had my phone number now, and a promise she could call me anytime as long as she had permission. I even told her we would Skype. I knew I should tell Esme before I left that I'd promised to stay in touch with her daughter. She would find out anyway, but I really felt like it should be from me. I didn't know how she'd react — it was always impossible to tell with Esme — but I hoped she would be okay with it.

I couldn't lie. Staying in touch with Maggie was a solid link to Esme. That wasn't my only motive, though. She was a great kid and I was gonna miss her. And I would never deny how much I was going to miss her mom.

Seeing Esme again was... insane. I didn't have any other way to describe it. She was even more beautiful than when I'd left and ten times as much a pain in the ass. I hated admitting that was my favorite quality of hers — her ability to piss me off. I had been on a rollercoaster for weeks over seeing her again, but nothing in the world could have prepared me to learn she was a mother.

When I turned up at Charlie Swan's house and saw her sitting there on the floor, I knew who she was. How could I not? She looked exactly like Esme. And then Esme walked in and looked at me like I was a ghost. I wasn't expecting a warm welcome at all, but she looked like she was afraid of me. I never wanted my reappearance in Forks to cause that kind of reaction.

Emmett assured me that Esme was just nervous about seeing me again, but I didn't buy that. Esme was fearless. Nothing made her nervous. Unless I had really hurt her that badly. It wasn't until I figured out on the night of the wedding how badly I had hurt her that I understood.

Her actions over the last few days mirrored my own emotions. But that was how Esme and I had always worked. She reacted quickly, without thinking, while I held things inside longer and kept my cool. We were two polar opposites who never had a chance of making it as a couple.

Too bad I had never given up hope.

I sighed and went to the kitchen, grabbing two beers out of the fridge. I went back to the living room and handed one to Emmett.

"Em, can I ask you something, man?"

"Shit. It's about Es, isn't it?"

"What was she like after I left?"

He was quiet for a minute, which was very unlike Emmett. I was getting more terrified by the second. I had been battling with myself all weekend over asking, and now it was looking like I didn't want to know.

"Okay, look, I'm going to be honest with you because if this was me and Rosie... well, I get it, bro. I do. You've loved that crazy girl all your life, and more power to you for it, because a lesser man would have given up on her a long time ago-"

"Can we get to the point?" He was making me really nervous now.

"Right. Sorry. She went kind of wild after you left. Did some things I know she's not proud of. I guess it was her first taste of freedom and all that. Rose called it serial dating."

He didn't need to say it, but we called it sleeping around. I felt sick. I hadn't expected her not to move on. I wanted her to. And it wasn't like I had never dated since being in Chicago, but the thought that she forgot all about me that quickly hurt.

"I need to see her."

Em put his hands up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't go running over there and tell her what I just told you."

"I won't," I assured him. "I just... I need to see her."

I couldn't explain why I felt so drawn to her still, but I couldn't stay away. At one time I had been the only person who knew the real Esme. And as much as I hated acknowledging it, Em was right. A lesser man would have given up. Her unwavering stubborn pigheadedness made her an incredibly difficult person to deal with on a good day, but she had been my life for over twenty years.

I knew her.

Simple as that.

.

.

.

An hour later I pulled my rental into the parking lot of the elementary school. It was weird being back there. When we were students Esme and I would spend every recess together. I laughed, thinking of how I followed her around that school like a puppy. I never really stopped. I was still following her. Except now we were no longer students, but we were still here.

I strolled past the playground — the place where I fell in love with her.

I spotted her immediately. She was sitting on a bench with Rosalie and several other teachers I didn't recognize, watching while the kids played. She saw me and scowled, pulling her arms around her chest. I knew that move. She wasn't mad that I showed up, but she was curious. That much was clear when she stood and walked toward the gate. She could have easily pretended not to see me, and I would have gone back to Chicago with all the answers I needed.

Her willingness to come to me now gave me hope, though. Maybe something could be salvaged from all this.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi."

I felt like an awkward teenager asking a girl out. I had never actually asked a girl out in my life until after Esme and I broke up. She and I had skipped that step.

"What... What are you doing here?"

"I have to leave in an hour to catch my flight. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

She looked around, and caught Rose's eye, who nodded. Then she took my hand and led me around the side of the building. That was weird.

"So I heard you and my daughter are pen pals now," she said with a smirk.

Okay, so she wasn't mad.

"I told her to ask for your permission before calling me."

She nodded. "I know. And I don't have a problem with it. In fact..." she took a deep breath, "maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay in touch."

"What?" Had I heard that correctly? Yes, we had made some progress toward being civil with each other, but I never expected to hear those words from her. I was sure she would be happy to see me go, not saying she wanted to stay in touch.

She rolled her eyes, but the smirk turned into a smile. "You heard me."

"Yes I did. I'm just a little surprised."

"I know. Look, Carlisle, I really sucked this weekend. I shouldn't have acted as petty as I did. Seeing you again brought up a lot of stuff, and I let it overwhelm me. I reverted into the kid who pushed you away. I just want you to know that's not me anymore."

"Yes it is," I told her, holding up my hand when she started to interrupt. "But, you have changed a lot... in a good way."

She cocked her eyebrow, but stayed quiet.

"You've mellowed is what I mean."

"Being a mom will do that," she said.

I figured she would bite my head off for what I said. She had definitely changed.

I nodded. "It's good for you. Motherhood. Maggie is good for you."

"Did she really beg you not to go?"

"She did," I said.

She smiled. "Sorry about that. She attached herself to you pretty quickly. She doesn't want to let you go."

I had no idea why I felt the need to, but I reached out and rubbed her arm. "She's a good kid," I told her. "She has a good mom."

She blinked and wiped a tear off her cheek, looking away from me.

"She's all I have," she whispered. "I've tried so hard to do right by her. I don't want to screw her up like I've screwed up everything else."

"Esme, you didn't screw anything up."

I wanted so badly to pull her into my arms. To hold her and assure her I didn't hold anything against her. I loved her more than anything, and I hated the self-loathing that seemed to set in after I left. This had never been her before.

"No," she said. "Don't try to excuse my behavior. I'm trying to fix my mistakes. And I don't want you to leave without saying I'm sorry. For everything."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," I assured her, wrapping my arms around her. I couldn't let her stand there with tears on her face, thinking she'd ruined my life.

"I wanted to save you from me," she whispered into my shirt.

What the hell?

I pulled back to look at her, but she turned her head.

"Esme, look me, honey. What are you talking about?"

"Remember when you told me you loved me more than I loved you?"

I did and I was not proud of that statement.

"You were right," she said. "And I never would have admitted it. I was too proud. But you were right. You always gave up everything for me, Carlisle. Everything. And you were so prepared to give up Chicago for me, too. I couldn't let you. That school was your dream."

"You were all I needed, Esme."

She looked at me for a long time before she shook her head slowly.

"The only selfless thing I've ever done in my life was let you go."

My eyes widened, but I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. She couldn't see herself clearly at all anymore. And I had done that to her. I made her feel like she had no choice but to push me away. Leaving her was the worst decision of my life and now she was telling me she pushed me away for entirely selfless reasons.

None of it made any sense. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

"I have to go," she said, looking around quickly. "The kids need to go back in soon, and you have a plane to catch."

She was panicking and deflecting, but it was okay. After a confession like the one she made it didn't surprise me. I just nodded and hugged her one more time.

"You're an amazing woman, Esme. You always have been. We've both messed up — in the past and this weekend — but I don't think it's possible for me not to love you."

She nodded against my chest.

"Have a safe flight," she said.

"I will. Please take care of yourself and Maggie."

"I will. Umm... Did you want to say goodbye to her? I can go get her."

I nodded. "I would."

She walked toward the fence and waved Maggie over. The minute she spotted me smiling at her from around the corner, she came running.

"Hi, Carlisle!"

I got down on my knees and took her hands. "Hi, princess. I have to go back to Chicago now, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to my BFF."

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "But you can't go! You have to stay with mommy and me."

I looked up when Esme made a strange choking sound. There were tears in her eyes again.

"I have to, princess. But you know what? I bet your mom would let you call me tonight when I get there."

I looked up and Esme nodded.

"Really?" Maggie asked. "And then we can Skype and stuff!"

"Yes we can. And I'll send you lots of pictures of the city. You'd love it there."

"Okay," she said. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Maggie. But you know what," I whispered in her ear. "You'll see me again."

She smiled and Esme took her hand. "It's time to go inside, baby," she said.

She looked up at Esme and back at me. "It's okay," I told her. "Remember you're still my BFF."

I gave her one more hug, and squeezed Esme's hand before they disappeared around the corner. I stayed there, staring at the entrance to the school. Everything was so fucked up, and as much as it hurt I needed to hear Esme's admission. I knew she was trying to take away some of my guilt by saying it, and I was grateful for that. But she still carried so much weight from our breakup that she needed to let go of.

She had moved on, but part of her was still stuck.

But then, I was stuck, too. I had never been serious about a girl since Esme. I didn't think there was a point. I loved her and only her. That's just the way it was. I had never thought of any other option because to me there were no other options.

She was all I ever wanted. Six years without her had done nothing to change that.

I turned away without looking back at the playground and headed toward my rental. The drive out of Forks felt longer than it was. When the buildings turned into trees I started to wonder if I was making the right decision. The part of me that would do anything for Esme refused to leave, but logically I knew I couldn't. My life, my job, my friends were all in Chicago now. I couldn't just abandon all of that. Especially after Esme's huge confession.

I shook my head, still shocked that I'd heard her correctly.

_The only selfless thing I've ever done in my life was let you go._

She sent me away to save me from her. How could she think that was what I needed? All I needed was to be with her.

All I could do now was hope that her promise to stay in touch meant she really was trying to turn things around.

.

.

.

The flight back to Chicago felt longer than it was, even though I slept the whole time. After everything that had happened in Washington it felt good to be going home. It was great seeing my friends, and finally seeing Bella and Edward get married, but the weekend had been exhausting, and I was ready to sleep in my own bed.

I got back to my apartment at 10:20pm, and threw my suitcase on the bed. The time change was definitely messing with me. I felt wide awake, and even though I slept on the plane, I knew I had to sleep some more. I had to go back to work the next day, and wanted to be on my game.

As soon as I grabbed a beer and collapsed on the couch my phone rang.

"Hey, Riley, man, what's up?"

Riley Biers had been my first friend in Chicago, and had been my roommate when I first moved out here.

"Hey, bro, you home yet?"

"Yeah, just got in."

"So, how was it? Edward got any friends you can hook me up with?"

I rolled my eyes. No. Edward's only single friend was Esme. No way was I letting him anywhere near her. No matter what happened between us I couldn't let go now that I had found her again.

"It was good. The wedding was nice, and seeing my family and friends was cool."

"And what about Esme?"

Yeah, he knew all about her.

"I don't know, man. She's changed a lot. She has a kid now."

"Whoa! She has a kid and no one ever told you?"

"Nope. She's an awesome kid, though. And she's good for Es."

"So, you guys didn't get back together while you were there did you?"

I laughed. "No, dude, nothing like that. Look, I gotta unpack and get some sleep. I'll see you at work tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. We should grab some beers after with everybody."

"Sounds good man. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone, and headed for the bedroom. Instead of unpacking like I should have, I lied down on the bed, my mind returning to Esme. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since the day Edward asked me to be his best man.

And with her promise to stay in touch it looked like we were back in each others lives. Whatever that meant, it didn't matter. As crazy as the weekend had been, seeing her was amazing, and I couldn't wait to do it again.

* * *

><p>ALL THE APOLOGIES! I'm so, so sorry for how long it's been since I've updated. If you're still with me, thank you so much for continuing to read. Your support means everything to me. There won't be a long wait for the next one because it's already halfway written. Anyone who would like a teaser, just ask.<p>

Endless thanks to Kelley and Ash. Without them who knows how long it would take me to write this. Mackenzie is my beta, and I'm so grateful she sticks with me even when I go months without sending her anything.

Also, Carlisle's point of view isn't something that will happen all the time. This is primarily Esme's story to tell. But you haven't heard the last of him. There will be a few more.


	7. Time for Facetime

I don't own_ Twilight._

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><p>The week after Carlisle left was almost normal.<p>

Almost.

Life went on. I went to work. Maggie went to school. But there was no doubt I had been affected by his short visit to Forks. Everyone had commented on how quiet I had been since he left, but they all gave me space. The last thing I wanted was my family and friends walking on eggshells around me because I couldn't decide if I loved or hated the man.

Or both.

Probably both.

Maggie had called him the night he returned to Chicago like I promised she could, but they hadn't talked since then. They had a Facetime session set for Saturday night, though, and I couldn't deny I was nervous. The phone was one thing, but seeing his face had the potential to make me feel things. I wasn't sure I wanted that. But I did say we could stay in touch, so really this was all my own doing.

And even though it was Maggie who wanted to chat with him, there was no way I was giving a six-year-old unsupervised access to the internet. I had to face the fact I would be seeing him in just one more day.

It was friday afternoon, and I sat on the floor of my classroom, organizing things for Monday's field day. Maggie would be out of class any moment, and then we were meeting Bella and Edward at my parents house for dinner. My dad planned to throw some things on the grill, and wanted his family around to kick off the weekend on the first sunny day we'd seen in awhile.

"Mommy!"

Maggie ran into my classroom, followed by Rose.

"Maggie, what did I tell you about running indoors?"

She lowered her head. "Sorry, mommy. But look what I drew today! Miss Rosie says it's beautiful."

She waved a paper in front of my face and I took it, laughing.

"Oh, baby, it's perfect!" She drew her aunt and uncle at their wedding and colored little hearts all over the paper.

"I want to give it to Aunt Bella tonight."

"I'm sure she'll love it, princess."

She beamed at me and carefully tucked the picture into her folder.

"Are you all ready to go to grandpa's?"

She nodded. "Yeah! Are you gonna come, Miss Rosie?" she asked, turning to Rose.

"Maybe another time, Mags. Emmett needs my help with some stuff around the house tonight."

I almost laughed out loud. Yeah right, help around the house. Friday was their date night. But my child really didn't ever need to know what those two did alone together. Not ever.

I packed up my things, and took Maggie's hand as the three of us locked up my classroom and walked to the parking lot. Rose gave Maggie a hug and said she would text me later, before climbing into her car.

I buckled Maggie into the backseat of my truck, and we set off to my parents house.

"Mommy, I can't wait to talk to Carlisle tomorrow! He better remember. He promised. You can't break promises. It's not allowed."

"That's right, baby girl, and I bet he's excited to talk to you, too."

"Yeah," she said. "He told me he can't wait to see us."

_Us_? As in me too?

I knew what she said was completely true, but I was having a hard time getting used to the idea of this staying in touch thing, and I still wasn't sure it was a good idea. It was too late to change my mind now, though.

I couldn't get her simple statement out of my head all the way to my parent's house. I was glad for the distraction tonight would bring. I didn't want to constantly be thinking about Carlisle.

A night with my family and my daughter was exactly what I needed.

.

.

.

I pulled into the driveway behind Edward's car, and Maggie ran into the house before I was even out of the truck. That was how it always was with her when we went to my parent's. They had their granddaughter wrapped around their fingers. Probably all the sweets they fed her.

I followed her through the house into the backyard where dad was already manning the grill, while Edward and Bella sat around the patio table.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

"In the kitchen," Bella said. "She didn't want any help. She forced me out of there."

I laughed. That sounded like Renee.

"Mommy, can I have a coke?" Maggie asked, pulling on my shirt to get my attention.

"Yes, baby, but just one."

"Okay!"

She took off running into the house, and Edward laughed. "I wonder if when we have a kid it'll be like Maggie."

"I hope so," Bella said. "We need someone to knock you on your ass like my perfect niece does."

Maggie came back out with two cokes and handed one to me. "Here, mommy, I brought this for you."

"Thank you," I said, pulling her into my lap. She reached down for her backpack and pulled her folder out.

"Aunt Bella, look what I drew you!"

She waved the paper excitedly before putting it down on the table in front of Bella.

"Oh, sweetheart, it's perfect! I'm gonna put it up as soon as we get home, okay?"

Maggie nodded. "I wanted to draw another one, but I didn't have time."

"That's my girl," Edward said, looking at the drawing. "She gets those awesome skills from me."

Bella shoved him. "You can't even draw and you're not really related to her."

Charlie laughed loudly, but Maggie looked confused. She simply shrugged and went back to her drink.

Mom came out and set a large bowl of salad on the table.

"You wanna swing for a little bit before dinner's ready?" she asked Maggie.

"Yeah!" Maggie shouted, jumping up and running for the swing set they had bought her last Christmas.

I watched mom push her for a few minutes before Edward spoke up. "So, have you talked to Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "No. Have you?"

"Yeah, he texted this morning to ask how everyone was."

Bella snorted. "And by everyone he meant Esme."

I rolled my eyes. "Maggie's gonna Facetime with him tomorrow night. He promised her the night he left. She's so excited."

"And what about you?" Bella asked. "Are you excited?"

"Bella," Charlie said. "Don't pick on your sister. Last weekend was a little much for her."

"Exactly," I said. "Thank you, daddy."

"Of course, princess. But don't think I didn't consider kicking his ass for leaving you."

"Daddy, he didn't leave me. I left him."

Charlie just shrugged. "He left town, so he left you."

"Hard to argue with that," Bella said, raising her glass in salute.

Daddy's girl. She was supposed to be on my side. No one was closer to or understood the situation better than my sister. No one knew me better — except maybe Carlisle himself.

"Steaks are ready," Charlie said, flipping his spatulata one last time. "Help me serve them, Edward."

"So, how's married life?" I asked Bella as Maggie joined me at the table. I hadn't seen my sister all week and other than a couple texts we hadn't talked either.

"It's awesome so far. Not that different than before really. But awesome."

I could understand that. Carlisle and I had lived together for years. When we got engaged not much changed in our daily lives and I didn't imagine it would when we married either. That was a different time, though — before I blew everything to hell with my backwards selfless logic.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the shocked look on his face when I confessed what I had been thinking when I pushed him away. It was clear to me now how stupid it had been, but at the time I was trying to do one thing I thought would make him happy. Instead I had ruined both our lives.

On the other hand, I couldn't bring myself to regret a single decision that brought me the little girl currently bouncing on my lap. Her grandpa was cutting her steak for her, despite her insistence should could do it herself. No way was I ready for her to start playing with steak knives yet. Charlie could cut her steak forever as far as I was concerned.

"Mommy, grandma told me she made brownies for dessert. Can we take some home, please?"

"Of course, baby," I told her. "As long as your grandma says it's okay."

Renee nodded from across the table, and Maggie beamed.

The evening passed with good food, and family. I couldn't have asked for a better start to my weekend. After we ate, while mom cleaned up and dad washed the grill, Bella and I sat around with some lemonade while Edward tossed a ball around with Maggie. Her constant giggles were infectious, and we all had a hard time not laughing when she would throw it harder than Edward was expecting.

"We're waiting to tell everybody, but we're trying to get pregnant," Bella said, stunning the hell out of me.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Since a little while before the wedding. We're ready to be parents." She nodded toward where her husband was goofing off with Maggie. "I want that in my backyard every day."

"It's not always that awesome," I told her. "It's hard — even when you're not doing it on your own."

"You didn't have to do it on your own," she said quietly.

"Yes I did." I really didn't feel like defending my choices, and getting into a fight with my sister on such a good night. Besides, it was a fight we'd had many times since Maggie was born. She would never understand my decision, and I thought she'd accepted that a long time ago.

"I know, I know," she said, putting her hands up. "I'm just saying."

I rolled my eyes, but thankfully she dropped the subject.

I saw my baby girl yawn, and knew she would pass out soon. It was getting pretty late, so I called her to me and told her it was time to go.

"But, mommy, I don't wanna go! I was playing with Uncle Edward!"

"I know, baby, but you've got a big day tomorrow, remember? You get to talk to your BFF."

"Yeah!" she shouted, her eyes lighting up.

I scooped her up, and after saying goodbye to my family we headed home. It had been a fun night for both of us, but I was tired, and I knew Maggie was, too.

.

.

.

The next morning I woke up dreading the day. Maggie, on the other hand, bounced into the kitchen like her birthday had come early.

I was in so much trouble for the mess I had created letting them get close.

It was nobody's fault, though. Maggie drew people to her. No one could resist her. Her charm was one of my greatest sources of pride.

We lied around all day, and played some Connect Four and Guess Who. By six, she was getting jumpy. Carlisle said seven our time, but try convincing a six-year-old to wait another hour.

It wasn't easy.

"Mommy, is it time yet?"

"No, baby. Remember he said he'd text before he made the call?"

"Well, where's your phone?"

Goodness, this child. "On my dresser."

She looked at me like I'd grown a second head. "Mommy," she whined. "Why is it there? We're never gonna hear it!"

She ran down the hallway to my room and came back with the phone, still looking at me incredulously. I didn't have the heart to tell her I knew Carlisle like the back of my hand, and he was always on time for everything. My phone would ding at exactly seven.

"How about we fix something to eat while we wait." I told her. "I bet you're starving."

She thought for a moment, dramatically putting her finger on her chin and humming. "Okay," she said. "Can I have ice cream?"

I laughed and led her to the kitchen. "I guess."

After I fixed us two bowls of neapolitan, we went to my bedroom at Maggie's insistence so I could set up the iPad for her and show her how to operate Facetime. She would never do this without my direct supervision until she was at least thirty, but she wanted to answer when Carlisle called.

Just as I predicted at seven exactly my phone whistled.

_Getting on now_.

"Okay, baby," I told Maggie, handing her the iPad just as the notification went off.

Next thing I knew Carlisle's face filled my iPad screen. Omg, he was even pretty in digital form. I huffed. This man sucked. Who was that gorgeous? Seriously?

"Hi, Carlisle!" Maggie waved at the screen, her smile wide and bright.

"Hey, BFF," he said, before looking straight at me.

"Hi, Esme."

Damn. It had only been a week since I'd heard him say my name, and I wanted to melt already.

"Hi," I muttered.

He frowned, but quickly smiled again as his attention returned to Maggie.

"So, what did you do at school this week?"

"It was really boring," she said, and then described to him what they were learning and how it rained all week and they had to have recess in the gym. I chuckled at her pout. That had frustrated her to no end. It was almost summer and all the kids wanted to do was be outside.

I leaned back against the pillows, pulling her with me so that we sat comfortably with her between my legs holding the iPad.

I gently braided her hair while I listened to Carlisle tell her all about his job at the hospital. I tried not to interfere since this was their conversation, but it made me smile to hear how much he loved what he did. It was the whole reason I had pushed him away in the first place. To give him what he had now. Of course I now realized I went about everything the wrong way, but live and learn I guess.

He glanced at me several times while they talked, and I could see the sadness in his eyes, but I didn't want to let myself dwell on it. He made it perfectly clear while he was here that his feelings for me hadn't changed, even though part of me wished they had.

He deserved happiness. Someone who could make him happy.

But then again, I wasn't really happy either — at least not in a romantic way. Maggie was my entire universe and I never thought it was possible to love like I loved her until the first moment she looked at me.

But that was a different kind of love.

The love I had with Carlisle wasn't something I thought would ever happen again for me.

Lightning never strikes the same place twice.

Watching them talk like this ate me alive, though. I didn't like to admit it because it was my own stupid mistake that drove him away, but he still meant everything to me. I was starting to question six years worth of decisions that had brought us all here. I didn't need anymore bystanders getting hurt by my selfishness, but I didn't know how to deal with this either. I had spent what felt like a lifetime sweeping stuff under the rug. That's what was comfortable for me. Now I was faced with all my mistakes.

It didn't take long for Maggie to fall asleep mid sentence, making both me and Carlisle laugh. I could tell she had been feeling tired, but I didn't have the heart to tell her it was probably bedtime.

"She sure knocks out quick, doesn't she?" Carlisle asked.

"You have no idea," I told him while I rearranged her in my arms. "I should probably get her to bed."

"Right." He looked sad, and my heart constricted at the thought. "I had fun tonight. Can you tell her that when she wakes up?"

I nodded.

"And, Esme?"

"Yeah?"

"You think maybe sometime this week you and I could talk?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'd like that."

"Okay. Well, goodnight, Esme. Give her a kiss from me."

"I will. Goodnight."

The screen went black as the call ended. I sat there with Maggie in my arms, thinking about the evening. I stroked her hair away from her face, and placed a kiss against her temple.

"That's from your BFF," I whispered against her skin as a tear rolled down my cheek. My thoughts raced around my head, and my heart felt heavy. Having him back in my life was turning me into an emotional wreck, but at this point it felt like what I deserved.

I did know one thing, though. No matter what, somehow I would make everything right.

For Maggie's sake as much as my own.


	8. Field Day

Sorry about the wait. I wanted to update sooner, but I've been on vacation and just got home last night.

Thank you so much to KR2009 and anhanninen for pre-reading, and to Mackenzie L for being my beta.

* * *

><p>When Monday morning came around, Maggie woke up before me and decided it would be awesome to jump on my bed. Crazy kid.<p>

"Mommy, get up, it's field day!"

You would have thought it was Christmas from her excitement. I was pretty sure she was just happy she would be out of the classroom all day.

I groaned and rolled over. "I don't want to get up."

She climbed over me and started pouting. There was no way I could resist that face. "We hafta go to school!"

A kid who actually wants to go to school? What did I do right in my life to get this?

After I showered, I made my way to the kitchen where I found Maggie had dragged a chair into the pantry and was trying to pull down a box of cereal. She didn't even see me as she came walking out of the pantry carrying the cereal box under her arm, and dragging the chair behind her.

"Baby, that was awesome, but don't scare me like that again. It's very scary for Mommy to see you standing on a chair like that."

"But I was hungry and you were in the shower," she said matter of factly.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry. Now how about I pour some of that for both of us and then we can head to the school and see all the fun you're gonna have today?"

"Field day!" she shouted, running to the cupboard and pulling out two bowls.

We finished our morning routine fairly quickly, and by the time I got Maggie buckled into the truck I was wondering just how much sugar there was in that box of cereal. She was bouncing off the walls already and it wasn't even seven-thirty. I was still half asleep.

We pulled into the parking lot and I looked in the rearview mirror at Maggie's reaction to the playground. Her eyes were wide as she took it in. There were outdoor activities set up everywhere, along with the snow cone machine that I prayed she wouldn't notice until later.

She was not getting her hands on that until after lunch.

I took her into the gym so she could get a sneak peek of everything that was set up in there.

There was a bouncy castle and a giant obstacle course, kind of similar to the one outside; a rock wall, and various smaller games. The school really went all out for these kids at the end of every year.

"Mommy, I wanna play!"

"I know, but not yet, Maggie. And remember each class takes turns at each activity. You can't just run to whatever you want to do."

She stuck her bottom lip out. "But why not? That's not fair!"

I sighed and knelt in front of her. "Baby, I know you're excited. I'm excited, too. But you can't get ahead of yourself."

Tears were starting to form in her eyes, and I knew we were headed for a meltdown. I rubbed her arm soothingly, trying to avert a crisis.

"Mommy," she sobbed. "I wanna play now!"

She tried to wiggle free, but I held her arm. I was not going to let this happen now. It had been a long time since she'd thrown a tantrum. That was the last thing I wanted on what was supposed to be a fun day for her.

"Margaret Lynn Swan," I said. "Don't think I won't put you in time out in my classroom. Is that what you want? To sit with the kindergartners while all your friends get to play?

She sniffled and rubbed her nose. "No," she whispered, avoiding my eyes.

"Are you going to behave and do everything Miss Rose asks you to?"

She nodded, but was still crying silently.

"Maggie, honey, look at me."

She struggled more against my grip. "NO!"

And here it was — a complete tantrum. I sighed and picked her up, walking into the school.

"Where are we going," she demanded, trying as hard as she could to get down.

"I told you, Maggie, if you couldn't behave you were going to time out. You were very disrespectful to me right now. You need to cool down."

"No I don't!" she shouted.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I hated doing this to her. Maggie was generally an amazing kid, and she rarely gave me any trouble. When she did, though, it was like she'd been saving it up for awhile.

I put her down once we reached my classroom and she dramatically fell to the floor, crying. I pulled up a small chair beside my desk and put her in it. She sniffled some more, and there were still tears running down her face, but she didn't fight me.

"Do you think you can sit there calmly for five minutes and think about what you did wrong?"

She pouted and stayed silent, glaring at me. It would have been adorable if she hadn't been in trouble.

"Maggie," I warned.

"Fine," she huffed.

"That wasn't what I wanted to hear."

"Yes," she finally muttered.

Good enough.

My phone vibrated in my purse. I pulled it out and saw Rose's name on the screen.

_What's up with Maggie?_ the text said. _I heard her all the way down the hall._

I responded quickly.

_She had a bit of a meltdown because she couldn't play before school. She's in time out now, but I'll have her down there before eight._

I put my phone back in my purse after glancing at the time. Seven forty-five. The first ones of the day in my class would start coming in any minute now.

"Maggie?"

She looked up at me, still sniffling, but I could tell a lot of the fight was gone. "Are you ready to go down to Miss Rose's classroom?"

She nodded slowly, and held up her arms so I could pick her up. This was the part that broke my heart about punishing her. I was terrified of the day she would scream that she hated me. All kids did, I knew, but I was scared to death of it happening.

I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She held tight to my neck as we walked down the hall.

"I'm sorry, Mommy," she said against my neck.

"I know you are, baby. Can you promise you'll behave the rest of the day?"

I felt her nod. "Yes, I'll be good."

"Hey, Maggie," Rose said brightly when we got to her room. I put Maggie down and let her go to her desk, where Rose knelt down in front of her. "I heard you got upset this morning."

Maggie nodded.

"Well, can I tell you something that might cheer you up?"

"What?" Maggie asked, the excitement from earlier back in her voice.

"I was planning to ask you to be my little helper today," Rose said. "Think you can do that?"

She nodded. "Really, Miss Rosie? You want me to help you?"

"Yes, I do."

"Yay! Mommy, did you hear? I get to be Miss Rosie's helper!"

"That's awesome, baby. I'm sure you'll be a great helper."

I gave Rose a look that said if she had any trouble to come get me, and then I went back to my room to greet my kids.

The kindergartners would go out in an hour to their small activities, but it didn't take long for the excited sounds of the rest of the school to float down the hallway. I saw Maggie walk past my room next to Rose, holding a clipboard. I had to laugh. She sure was taking her duties seriously.

I got my kids ready and went over the rules with them before lining them up in front of the door. They would be going to the gym first. They all couldn't wait to get into the bouncy castle. Most of them had older siblings who had told them all about field day.

At nine o'clock we walked in a single file line to the gym. I was happy Maggie's class was in here, too, but they were doing the bean bag toss right now. I was glad I had slipped my phone into my pocket before leaving the classroom.

The last time I talked to Carlisle he made me promise I would send him pictures. It blew me away a little, but they had gotten very close. I knew Maggie saw him as another uncle, but I thought maybe Carlisle thought something else when he looked her.

_The child we could have had._

I blew out a breath and groaned at that thought. I wasn't going there. I knew I had to fix this, but I didn't know how, and right now I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to enjoy a fun day with my daughter and my class.

They were all my kids, in a way. I spent every day with them, and their parents entrusted them to my care every single morning. I didn't take that lightly.

My class all took off their shoes and stored them in the little cubby in front of the bouncy castle, and then they had to remind me what the rules were before they each climbed inside. There weren't that many of them and it was a huge bouncy castle, so we decided they could all go in at once if they wanted to. Some of the shy ones chose to wait, not liking how many people were inside.

I sat on the bleachers beside the bouncy castle. Luckily I was able to see Maggie perfectly while still being close to my own class. I pulled out my phone and managed to get the perfect picture of her when she turned around and threw her arms in the air after getting a bag through the board. She looked so happy and excited — a world away from where we were earlier in the morning.

I smiled as I looked at the picture and I texted it to Carlisle. He was probably busy at work, but I didn't really care. He wanted to see her today, so see her he would.

"And just who are you texting?" Rose asked, sitting next to me.

"Carlisle wanted to see her having fun today," I told her. I wasn't ashamed anymore to talk about him. It almost felt normal after his visit, along with the fact he appeared to be back in my life — whatever that actually meant.

"Right," she said. "And... uh... how do you feel about that?"

I shrugged. "He wants to keep in touch with us. There's not really any harm in that."

"Uh, there could potentially be a lot of harm in that," she said.

I hated when she was right. I stayed silent, not really wanting to do this now. Or ever.

"And what about Jane?" she continued.

"Jane's dead." Harsh but true.

"Point taken. Text me the picture," she said, changing the subject. "I wanna show Emmett his favorite little girl."

I smiled and sent it to her, before taking several more.

The first graders moved outside before my class so I didn't get to see my little girl again until after my kids did the bean bag toss. Then they would go outside before heading back to the gym after lunch.

Once we made it onto the playground, Maggie came running up to me with a snow cone in one hand and her clipboard in the other.

"Mommy, did you see me!"

"I sure did, baby," I said, leaning down to hug her.

"Hey, you two, smile," I heard Rose shout. We both turned in time to see Rose holding up her phone. I scooped Maggie up into my arms, snow cone and all, and we posed for Rose.

"So, what does Miss Rose have you doing?" I asked, putting my baby down.

"She put me in charge of attendance! I have to count everyone when we get to each thingy."

I laughed. "Oh, really? Well that sounds very important, baby. And are you being good for Miss Rose."

She nodded. "Yeah, Mommy. I promise. I'm sorry about earlier."

I hugged her close and buried my face in her hair. "It's okay, Maggie. I'm glad you're having a fun day."

I continued to watch her play while my kids climbed all over the jungle gym.

About half an hour after I texted him, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

_She looks like she's having fun._

_She is,_I replied, before sending him the picture Rose had taken of the two of us.

I didn't know if that was the best idea for him to have a picture of me on his phone, but I figured he had to still have some of me lying in a box somewhere from when we were together.

I wasn't quite ready for his reply, though.

_You look amazing. Can I call you tonight?_

Oh goodness, here we go.

_Yeah,_ I replied. I wasn't gonna give him anymore than that. I was still trying to guard myself as much as possible. Let him sweat it out for the rest of the day.

_Great! I'll talk to you later._

Dammit. Well, that backfired. He knew he still had me. It was pretty useless for me to lead him on at this point, but I couldn't help myself. It was instinct.

I slipped my phone back in my pocket when it was time for lunch. My kids all stood in front of me, many with snowcone all over their faces, waiting for me to lead them into the cafeteria.

Maggie came and sat in my lap with her lunch once I was seated with my class.

"Hi, Angie," she said to the little girl seated next to her.

Angela Webber's mother was the school librarian, and as a result had to stay after school for a while every day like Maggie did. Maggie loved to think she had taken Angela under her wing.

"Hi, Maggie."

She ate the sandwich I brought for her and gave part of it to Angela, who smiled at her like she was an angel. I swear the girl hero-worshiped my child.

"Miss Swan," Angela said. "Can Maggie come to the library after school?"

"Would you like that, baby girl?" I asked. "It's gonna take us teachers a while to clean up."

"Yeah, Mommy. I can play with Angie!"

After lunch my class went back into the gym while Rose's class stayed outside, so I didn't get to see Maggie until the day was over. Rose took plenty of pictures, though, and my phone was blowing up in my pocket all day. I couldn't wait to go through them all.

.

.

.

At the end of the day Rose and I cleaned up in the gym, helping the PE teachers put away all the climbing cubes and deflate the bouncy castle.

"Maggie had a ton of fun today," she said. "Did you get all the pictures?"

"Yep. They're all great. Thank you so much. I'm gonna download them and print them out tonight."

"Ohh I want copies! I wanna frame a couple and put them up. You know Em and I think of her as a niece. Our non-biological niece," she said with a laugh.

"I'll get you some," I promised. "I'll bring them Monday."

We finished putting everything away, and then I went to the library to get my baby girl so we could get home. I didn't want to say I was excited to talk to Carlisle, but I was kind of lying to myself. Nothing about my feelings for him had truly changed, and now that we were in touch again, it was getting harder and harder to ignore how he still made me feel.

By the time we got home, Maggie was starving and so was I. Field day was a busy one, and we were both worn out.

"How about we order pizza?" I suggested as soon as we walked into the house.

"Yeah!" She tossed her backpack on the kitchen floor and started hopping up and down. "I want pizza!"

"Okay, Mags, slow down."

I called the local pizza place and ordered her favorite, pepperoni. They said delivery would take thirty minutes. Plenty of time to get Maggie cleaned up and ready to eat.

"How about we eat in the living room?" I asked her. "We can put a movie on. Have a mommy/daughter night."

She nodded happily. Any excuse to eat on the couch.

I went to my room under the guise of using the restroom, but while there I quickly texted Carlisle.

_Text me before you call. I promised Maggie a movie tonight_.

It barely took him two minutes to write me back.

_Okay. Do you just wanna wait until tomorrow if that would be better? I don't want to interrupt your night._

My heart fluttered. He was a gentleman to his core. Some things never changed.

_Nah, she'll pass out early. She's already tired._

_Okay. I'll talk to you later then._

I smiled and put my phone down. I was actually looking forward to talking to him for some reason. The last couple weeks since he'd left we'd made a lot of progress toward becoming friends again. No way it could last forever, but I was going to hold on to having him in my life again as long as possible.

Once the pizza got there and we put a movie on, we settled into the couch and my earlier prediction to Carlisle came true. Barely halfway through the movie Maggie was out like a light.

I laid her on the loveseat and put the blanket over her, just in case she woke up and wanted to finish the movie. Then I sent a text to Carlisle, letting him know she was asleep and he could call. Secretly I hoped she would wake up while we were on the phone so she could say goodnight. She always wanted to text him every night before she went to bed. It would make her night.

I nearly jumped when my phone started vibrating, even though I was expecting it.

"Hey," I answered.

"Hey." I was never quite prepared for his voice over the phone. It was just like having him here with me.

_Here with me?_

What the hell had happened to me?

Stupid man and his stupid man witchcraft.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Pretty good. I worked overnight and then went shopping before I crashed for the afternoon."

"_You_ went shopping?"

"Yeah,_I_ went shopping," he said with a laugh. "You know I gotta look good for all those female patients."

I rolled my eyes at his joke. "You're dumb."

"Nah, just honest. So how was field day? The picture looked like she was having fun."

"She did. She had a little tantrum this morning, though."

"Uh-oh."

"It wasn't a big deal. Once it blew over, everything was great. I have more pictures, too. I need to send you some."

Oh my God, why was I sending this man pictures of my child? Of course my brain knew the logical answer was because he once had been so close to becoming my husband, but I knew that wasn't it. Deep down I still wanted him in my life. Maggie was my life now, so to bring him back into it, I had to merge my old life with my new life.

It was gonna get messy, but I could handle it.

Eventually.

"That's great," he said. "So what do you guys have planned for the weekend?"

"Not much," I said. "Maggie's spending the night with Edward and Bella tomorrow. Get some aunt and uncle time." I laughed. "So I'll have the house to myself for a while."

"Sounds awesome," he said, before getting quiet for a minute. "Do you maybe wanna Facetime tomorrow night?"

He sounded nervous, like when he asked me on our first real date once the chief determined I could date.

That's when it hit me.

"Carlisle Cullen, are you asking me on a cyber date?"

"I'm asking you for a chance to get to know you again. Start over."

I could agree to that. After all, I wanted the same thing.

"Sure," I told him. "That would be cool."

I mentally high-fived myself for the awesome progress I was making.

"Awesome."

"Yeah."

Okay, now this was getting awkward.

"Hey, listen," I said. "I gotta get Maggie into bed. Can I text you in the morning?"

"Sure," he said. "Sounds great. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"All right. Bye."

I hung up, feeling weird, but I didn't understand why. You would think this stuff would get easier the older you got, but so far no. Not at all.

I scooped up Maggie's still sleeping form and put her in her bed, kissing her goodnight, and retreating to my own room. Hopefully tomorrow would go well and I could get a feel for where things between us were going, because so far I was just as confused as I always had been when it came to Carlisle.

Memories of our messy breakup and my subsequent mistakes played through my mind while I tried to fall asleep. Jane's warnings from so many years ago were fresh on my mind, and I felt dizzy with worry over how to handle the mess things had become.

It was time to admit to myself I didn't have the control over my own feelings I had always thought I did. Not when it came to Carlisle and the life I had destroyed.


	9. Surprises

I don't own _Twilight._

* * *

><p>"How was your day?"<p>

I settled beneath the covers of my oversized bed, happy to hear Carlisle's voice after a week of not hearing from him. We were trying to take it slow and work on ourselves without rushing into anything, but I still missed his voice.

And every other part of him, but he didn't need to know that. He had a big enough ego as it was.

"It was good," I told him. "Maggie's happy to be out of school finally."

This was her first week of summer vacation, and oh my God, had she been keeping me busy. There was nothing like the energy of a six-year-old to make me feel old as dirt.

I couldn't hang with the playground crowd anymore.

"I bet," he said. "You know she snuck your phone yesterday and texted me."

What?

"No way!"

"Yeah, she told me not to tell you."

"Ugh, that child knows better. One time when she was three, before I had an unlimited plan, she racked my bill up to almost four hundred dollars downloading every game she could find."

"Oh, God," he said with a laugh. "You need to keep a lock code on that thing."

"I do! She figured it out."

"Well," he said, "she is just as smart as her mother."

I blushed, not sure how to react to that. Old Esme would have made an idiot out of herself and said something like "what's that supposed to mean?" but I knew he didn't mean any harm. He had proven himself to me in the last few weeks since his visit. I was slowly but surely getting better at accepting that his intentions were pure, and it wouldn't kill me to let him back into my life.

I was going to do it on my own terms, though.

"You've always been such a kiss-ass," I joked.

"When it comes to you, yeah I have. Especially since you have such a nice ass."

I laughed loudly, throwing my hand over my face. "You're such a dork."

"So first I was a kiss-ass and now I'm a dork, huh? Nice to you see your opinion of me is still high."

"Shut up," I told him. "If I didn't like you I wouldn't be talking to you."

"Oh, you like me, do you? You want me to be your boyfriend?"

We laughed and laughed, but there was a serious undercurrent to his words. We had never really discussed what this was that we were doing. I felt awkward as our laughter trailed off and nobody said anything.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I stupidly asked. Why did I say that? This man did weird things to my brain and verbal filter.

"Excuse me? Are you, Esme Anne Swan, telling me you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

We both laughed again, and I thought we would brush it off as our usual teasing. I did not count on him turning serious.

"We both know how I feel about you, Es."

"I know," I whispered. "But it scares me a little."

"My feelings for you scare you? They didn't before."

I rolled my eyes. I know that, dumbass.

"They do now. We were a couple before. We were a couple our whole lives. Things changed when you went to Chicago. My priorities changed."

"Are you scared because I left?" he asked sadly. "I have no intention of doing that again."

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "You didn't leave. I pushed you away."

"No, Esme. We both made mistakes, and I need to own mine. I could have fought harder for you, but instead I threw in the towel and you never came after me."

"I couldn't," I said, my voice weak and defeated — a feeling that was becoming more and more common in my interactions with Carlisle. It was the truth, though. So much happened after he left, all I could do was pick up the pieces and move on.

"I know," he said.

I sighed. The truth was that he didn't know. And I couldn't tell him. It would break his heart to learn why I didn't chase him.

Seven years later, Jane's vicious words still rang in my head. No. I could never tell him those things.

"I'm sorry I made you sad." His voice was so sweet I almost cried. How did he do this to me? My emotions were all over the place all the time around him. Even over the damn phone!

"I'm not sad," I told him. "Just thinking."

He hummed. "So, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

I laughed, glad to be back to our lighter mood from before. "Let's just take it one day at a time and see where this goes."

"I can handle that," he said. "I gotta get to work soon — pulling a double on the night shift — but I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I said, already looking forward to our next call.

"Tell Maggie good night for me."

"I will," I said before hanging up.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and climbed out from beneath the covers, walking quietly down the hall to Maggie's room. I eased her door open and smiled when I saw her. She was a sound sleeper, just like me. Her blanket was pulled all the way up to her chin and the teddy bear Edward had got her when she was born was tucked in beside her.

I pushed her hair off her forehead and kissed her temple. "Goodnight, sweet princess. I love you," I whispered.

I shut her door and returned to my room with a smile on my face. This self-therapy stuff was good, I decided. Apparently working on myself was helping. I had learned to forgive myself and Carlisle.

Maybe one day I would be able to forgive Jane, too.

.

.

.

"So, how are things going with Carlisle?"

Rose and I were lacing up our shoes the next day, getting ready for our morning run.

"Fine, I guess. We talked last night, and he said he'd call again today."

"Sweetie, I'm pretty sure he'll call every day until he decides he can't live without you and shows up on your doorstep."

"Wow, when did you become so romantic?" I teased as we set off down her block.

"I can be awesomely romantic. Just ask my husband."

I mock shuddered. "Thanks but I'll pass on that."

"Oh, you're one to talk. Remember that time you and Carlisle had sex in his truck when we were all at the beach?"

"We were seventeen! And you didn't have to watch."

"Yeah right, we didn't have to watch. You weren't exactly being subtle."

"Anyway..." I needed to change the subject before this trip down memory lane continued. "I guess we're trying a second chance at everything. I think. I don't really know what we're doing."

"Well good for you."

"Good for you? That's all you're gonna say?"

"What do you want me to say? I've known you guys were meant to be together since we were babies. We all have. You two are the example for the rest of us-"

I groaned.

"No, hear me out. Seriously. Yes, you both fucked up your relationship, but those of us on the outside couldn't understand what the hell was going on when it ended. You were so in love. So in love, Es. I've never known two people who loved each other more. I get why you stayed away after everything. I don't know if I would have handled it exactly the same, but I get it. I just don't get why it ended."

I stopped my slow jog, overcome by years of regret and drama. "I couldn't ruin his life, Rose." My voice was tinged with anxiety. "I was so afraid."

"Of what, being happy?"

Okay, I deserved that.

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling tiny under her scrutiny. "You know what she did," I told her.

Rose rolled her eyes, clearly not accepting my bullshit. "Jane's dead, Esme. Let it go, and learn to be happy."

It wasn't that simple and she knew it, but I was done with that train of thought.

We ran several blocks, all talk of Carlisle done as we focused on our workout. When we got back to her house, Maggie was waiting for us on the front porch with two bottles of water.

"Thanks, little one," Rose said, taking a water. We sat on the porch with her and stretched, trying to cool down.

I turned around when the screen door banged and Emmett came out. He was gonna break that door one day, I was sure of it. Totally unaware of his own strength.

"Emmett, you bang my door open one more time, and I swear to God…"

"Uh-oh!" Maggie said. "Uncle Em's in trouble!"

I laughed, rubbing her back. "Come on, squirt. We better get home."

"Aww, but I wanna stay, Mommy!"

"Yeah," Emmett said. "She wants to stay. We'll have a girls day! Just me and my favorite not-niece."

"I married an idiot," Rose mumbled, picking Maggie up and carrying her into the house. Emmett and I followed them into the kitchen.

"What does everybody want for breakfast?"

"Waffles!" Maggie shouted.

"Whoa, Maggie baby. Inside voice," I told her.

"Sorry." She climbed into a chair at their table and Emmett sat down beside her.

"We want waffles," he said.

"Alright, alright, you people made your point," Rose said. "Waffles coming up."

Rose more than delivered on the promise of waffles. Not long after we sat down she brought out a plate loaded with them. Emmett and Maggie were in heaven. After we ate Maggie dragged Emmett to the living room to play on the Wii, while I helped Rose clean up.

"Let's go get our nails done or something while those two play," Rose suggested. "We deserve it, and you know Em loves spending time with Maggie. He'd be more than happy to watch her for a while."

"That sounds amazing. I should probably get some split ends trimmed, too."

"Awesome," Rose said. "Lemme just finish these up and grab my purse."

I went to the living room and asked Emmett if they'd be okay if Rose and I went out for a little while. He assured me it was and to have fun. Maggie climbed into my arms. "Where you go, Mommy?"

"Rose and I are gonna run some errands. We won't be long, baby. I promise."

No way was I telling her what was really up. She would beg me to take her with us. She was already asking to get pretty nails like mommy, and she hated my standard answer of "not for another ten years." Last time I took her with me I let her get her nails professionally painted. That worked for a little bit, but she still wanted acrylics like mine.

Nope, nope, nope.

Fifteen minutes later I pulled my truck into a space right in front of the nail salon.

"Yes!" Rose said. "It looks empty. I love weekdays."

I laughed as we walked in. Weekends at the salon sucked. You had to go first thing in the morning or you'd better be willing to wait a while.

We settled into the pedicure chairs first. "Oh man, this is the perfect way to start the summer," Rose said. "I deserve a treat for putting up with Emmett, and you deserve a treat for working things out with Carlisle."

"We haven't worked things out, yet," I reminded her. "We're getting to know each other. That's it for now."

"Yeah, for now," she said with a grin.

I leaned back, closing my eyes. The hypnotic motion of the technician rubbing my feet and legs let my mind drift, and of course since my brain seemed to hate me lately, I thought of Carlisle.

I wondered when he was going to call today, and then mentally berated myself for acting like a middle schooler with a crush on a boy. I'd be lying if I said he hadn't always had that effect on me, though. Seeing him had only brought those feelings rushing back.

I guess the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was true.

I just had to dig my heart out from behind the walls I had built around it to realize the truth in those words.

To be honest I had never even thought about settling down again. I had Maggie and she was all I needed. I thought I was protecting my own heart as well as hers. Now I realized I didn't want to be with anyone for entirely different reasons.

My heart still belonged to the boy I had given it to in kindergarten.

I sighed and opened my eyes, watching bright coral polish appear on my toes.

"What's up?" Rose asked. "No sad noises today, buddy."

"Carlisle," I said, simply.

"Oh, just fly to Chicago and do him already."

We both laughed. "Whoa, Rose, settle down."

"What? I think it's an awesome suggestion, and I'm brilliant."

"Yeah, Rose, you're a genius."

Once we were done at the nail salon, we stopped at the pretzel stand in the parking lot so I could get some bites for Maggie. Yes, I was bribing a six-year-old, but I didn't want her to be mad when she saw my nails.

When we got back to the house, she was on the couch watching Tangled, and Emmett was making grilled cheese.

"Pretzels!" she shouted, grabbing the cup out of my hands. I decided to give up on getting her to use her inside voice. "Hey, pretty," she said, pointing at my nails before going back to her pretzels. Crisis averted.

"After lunch we need to go," I told her. "You need a nap."

"No, I don't."

"Okay, you don't. We're still going home."

She pouted but didn't say anything. I sat down on the couch beside her and watched the movie. She climbed into my lap and offered me a pretzel. "You're so cool, Mommy. I love pretzels."

Maggie became engrossed in the movie, and I took out my phone, fiddling with the screen and wondering what Carlisle was up to.

I decided a text couldn't hurt, right?

Hope you're having a good day.

There. That was harmless. But now I was nervous. Oh God, I really was turning into a middle schooler.

Ugh, stupid men and their stupid penises.

I was mindlessly scrolling through my apps when he texted me back.

I am. And I can't wait to talk to you later.

But I wanted to talk to him now! Whatever, I would just have to wait.

This starting over stuff was weird. Sometimes it was like I was still that little girl in love with him, and other times I was the timid girl whose heart he broke. My least favorite was when the anger and resentment I still felt reared it's head.

He pissed me off and owned my heart at the same time.

I thought about the night before when he brought up his feelings for me. I knew, even when he was here, that he was still in love with me. I was sure I still loved him, too, but I wasn't ready to say the words. Truthfully I didn't think he was either. We had hurt each other horribly, and still had a lot of repairs to make to our trust.

We were on that path, though, and that was all I could ask for.

.

.

.

Maggie and I got home an hour later, full from grilled cheese and pretzels. She was still protesting nap time, but her eyes were drooping. Stubborn kid. She was just like me.

"Will you at least lie down for a little while?" I asked her.

"Fine," she huffed. "But can I read?"

"If you do it quietly."

She walked to her room and pulled a little golden book off the shelf before lying down on the bed. I almost laughed at her silent nap protest by lying on top of the covers.

I sat down at the bar and started flipping through the mail when my phone vibrated in my purse.

Bella Bear

"Hey, sis, what's up?" I answered.

"Hey, Es, what are you guys up to?"

"Trying to get Maggie to take a nap. We went to Rose and Em's this morning and you know Em. So she's had a busy day already."

"Are you gonna hang out at the house for the rest of the day?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just thought we could stop by later? I haven't seen my niece in a week."

"A whole week!" I mocked.

"Hey," she said sternly. "That's a long time."

We laughed. "Sure," I said. "I'd love for you guys to come by."

"Awesome," she said. "Edward's got the afternoon off but he has an errand to run for a while, so maybe we'll be there around six?"

"Sounds good," I told her. "I won't tell Maggie, so she can be surprised."

"Oh, she'll be surprised alright," Bella said with a laugh.

Huh. That was a strange comment. My eyes narrowed. What the hell was my sister up to?

"Bella…"

"I gotta go, sis. But I'll text you when we're on our way."

Right. Sure she had to go. My sister was a shitty liar and an even shittier surprise planner.

I was suspicious all afternoon. Maggie passed out with her book on her chest a little while after I had her lie down, then she slept for a couple hours. She woke up hyper as hell and was still bouncing off the walls.

This was the thing I hated about summer vacation. Her time wasn't really structured and there was a lot more energy to deal with.

"Maggie, slow down," I told her as she ran down the hall from her bedroom.

"Mommy, can we have pizza for dinner?"

That was actually a good idea. I was sure Edward and Bella wouldn't put up any complaints. "Sure, baby," I said. "Pizza sounds good."

"Oh, boy!" she ran back down the hall to her room, and I sank back against the wall, exhausted but laughing.

I finally got her to settle down and watch a movie with me. We were cuddled up on the couch watching The Little Mermaid when the doorbell rang a little before six. It was a little strange since Bella hadn't texted. I hadn't ordered the pizza yet, though, so that had to be my sister.

I got up from the couch and opened the door. I almost fell down when I saw the man on the other side.

Definitely not my brother-in law.

"Holy shit… Carlisle."

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><p>Hi. Sorry. I suck at updating regularly don't I? I have no excuse except that college is a big time suck.<p>

Thank you to Kelley and Ash for prereading and forever keeping me on track and knowing my characters better than I do. And thank you to Mackenzie for fixing my mistakes and polishing this so pretty.

Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!


	10. First Dates and New Beginnings

I don't own Twilight.

Thank you to Kelley and Ash for prereading and Mackenzie for the beta work.

I know it's been awhile and I apologize. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

I grabbed my bag off the conveyer belt at baggage claim and turned to where Edward and Bella were waiting for me.

"Are you guys sure this is such a good idea?"

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Well, you're already here so you might as well go see her."

I smiled at the thought of seeing Esme again. It had only been a couple months since the wedding, but a few phone calls a week weren't enough for me. My feelings for her had never changed when I left the first time, and it seemed they had only gotten stronger since coming back to Forks.

After I left for medical school I had only been back once, and I hadn't seen Esme at all during that trip. I didn't know if that was her avoiding me or me avoiding her, but we avoided each other pretty damn well.

I didn't even know if she'd been at my mother's funeral.

In the weeks leading up to Edward and Bella's wedding I knew seeing her would be unavoidable. Barging into Charlie Swan's house the day of my arrival was my version of ripping the bandage off. Everything hadn't gone as smoothly as I could have hoped, but we did make some progress toward forgiving each other.

Plus, I convinced her to agree to stay in touch.

The couple of times we got on Facetime and all the texts and phone calls gave me hope that maybe we did have a future.

It gave me so much hope I'd jumped on a plane from Chicago to Seattle just to see her.

It was halfway through the flight that I second guessed this trip. I couldn't stop wondering what her reaction would be. I hoped she'd be happy, but Esme was volatile at best, so I couldn't be sure.

I followed my best friend and his wife into the parking lot and loaded my duffle into the trunk.

Bella called her sister before we got out of Seattle. My stomach was in knots. What if she was busy and wouldn't even be home tonight? I hadn't thought this through at all, and now I felt like a total dick for wanting to surprise her.

"I just thought we could stop by later? I haven't seen my niece in a week."

Damn, Bella was a smooth liar.

"Awesome. Edward's got the afternoon off but he has an errand to run for a while, but maybe we'll be there around six?"

I smiled in the back seat. She wasn't busy. This was really happening.

It was actually sunny in Forks when we pulled up in front of Esme's house. Her truck was there and I could see a light on in the kitchen window. I was proud of all that she had accomplished in her life. She was raising a daughter by herself, and she had a house. That was two steps ahead of me.

Bella was bouncing excitedly in the front seat.

"Go already," she told me. " I can't wait to see her face."

I was scared as hell, but I walked up the front steps onto her porch and rang the bell. It opened a few seconds later, and all I could see was her wide, green eyes.

"Holy shit!" Her first reaction was total shock. "Carlisle."

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

All I saw was a blur and then I was almost knocked to the ground by a six-year-old. She wrapped her arms firmly around my neck as she lept into my arms. "Carlisle! You're here! Oh my gosh, you're here! Ahhhhhh!"

Her screaming in my ear was pounding through my head, but I didn't care. This kid had stolen my heart just as quickly as her mother had.

I stood on the porch, holding Maggie but staring at Esme. She looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"Of course you're here," she muttered, opening the door a little wider and waving me inside.

Bella ran in after me, and Edward followed her.

I could have sworn I heard Esme whisper to Bella that she was gonna kill her. I smirked and set Maggie down.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the couch with her. "I missed you so much!" she said. "And when you're in mommy's phone it's not the same."

I laughed. "I know, princess. It's not the same at all, and I missed you, too."

"Uhh… Maggie," Esme said from the doorway. "Can I talk to Carlisle for a minute?"

Maggie nodded.

"Come on, sweetie," Bella said. "Let's raid the freezer for ice cream. I bet Carlisle's hungry after his flight."

Esme grabbed my hand and led me down the hall into a room I could only assume was hers. It definitely wasn't Maggie's. She shut the door and turned around, her face totally blank. I tried not to think about where I was because let's face it, I was in her bedroom, and the images in my head were very distracting.

"What are you doing here?" she asked calmly.

Oh fuck. Calm Esme was scary Esme. I had experience with angry, enraged Esme. I could do angry, enraged Esme. But calm Esme scared the shit out of me.

I rubbed the back of my neck, not sure what to say. "I… uh… came to see you?"

"I can see that," she said. "I thought I was expecting a phone call tonight. I was not expecting to see you standing in front of me!"

I knew this was a bad idea. Esme hated surprises. I frowned, unsure of what to say.

She took my hand again and led me to the bed so we were sitting down on the edge, facing each other.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was just really shocked to see you."

"I know," I told her. "But, not a horrible shocked, right?"

She smiled. "No, Carlisle. Not a horrible shocked. I'm really surprised you did this for me, though. I mean… we haven't even talked about what… this is," she said, waving her hand between us.

"Well, we sort of did last night," I said.

"No, we really didn't," she said. "What happened to taking things slow?"

"We are taking things slow."

"Jumping on a plane and flying halfway across the country is taking things slow?" she asked with a grin. Okay, she caught me there. That wasn't very slow at all.

"Yes?" I answered waveringly.

She stared at me for a few seconds before laughing. "Oh, Carlisle."

"So…" Might as well go for broke. "If we're taking it slow, can I take you on a date and we see how it goes?"

"Yes, you can," she said. "Was that your plan all along? Fly here and bring over my sister, knowing she'd babysit, so you could take me on a date?"

"Depends. Was it a good plan?"

"That depends on where we're going."

"How about that little italian place in Port A?"

She thought for a minute before smiling. "It was a good plan. Just uh… give me a few minutes to change, and then we can go."

"Okay," I told her before leaving her to get ready.

Bella and Maggie were in the kitchen making sundaes, and Edward was on the couch flipping through the channels. "So, am I babysitting?" he asked.

"Yep. We're gonna go get dinner in Port A."

He nodded. "You're winning her back, man. Just take it slow."

I grinned. "She said the same thing."

"Really?"

"Not the part about winning her back, but the taking it slow."

"Are you ready?"

I turned around to see Esme standing in the doorway. She had changed into a sweater, and was holding her purse.

"Yeah," I told her. "If you are."

She nodded and went into the kitchen, where Maggie was pouring sprinkles all over her sundae. She put her hand on her daughter's back to get her attention and then told her she would be out with me for a little while, but to have fun with Aunt Bella and Uncle Edward.

"Okay, Mommy. You bring my BFF back when you done."

I couldn't help but laugh, which was a lot better than Edward's snort. She didn't need to know what her horndog uncle was thinking. I felt like slapping him for having those thoughts about my Esme.

My Esme?

I couldn't think like that anymore. We had put each other through so much hell, and were barely starting to get to know each other again.

Slow.

I had to take this slow.

It was just a date. No big deal. Just a date. It didn't matter that I'd already spent almost four-hundred dollars on this date just by flying here. It was worth it for a second shot - even if we ended up being nothing more than good friends.

I thought back to a few minutes earlier in her bedroom.

Okay, maybe good friends wasn't enough.

She gave Maggie a hug and stood up slowly, giving me the perfect peek of the cleavage under her sweater.

Definitely not enough.

"You wanna drive?"

Huh? "What?" I shook my head and looked up at her face.

She laughed, offering me her keys. "Do you want to drive?"

"You'd let me drive your truck?"

"Yeah, why not?"

I took the keys. "Sure."

Being in the driver's seat of my ex-fiance's car with her in the passenger seat was weird. I couldn't believe she'd handed me her keys like it was nothing. We would trade cars all the time when we were together. Was it still natural to her somehow? She seemed completely sure of herself when she offered. Maybe it was some leftover feeling of normality from our relationship that she hadn't let go.

Or maybe I had forgotten everything from my psych rotation, and I needed to stop overthinking.

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. Her face was puzzled.

"Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it."

"Yeah," I told her. "Just thinking about how much this place is still exactly the same."

I was a damn smooth liar, too.

"Yeah," she said with a laugh. "You know Forks."

Most of the drive was awkward and quiet. It seemed like the small amount of progress we made in her bedroom was gone. I was glad when we pulled into the parking lot at the restaurant and I could get out of the car. I felt like I was suffocating.

We walked in and the hostess seated us right away.

Esme ordered a glass of wine, while I stuck with water.

"Is that why you asked me to drive?" I asked, after the waiter returned with our drinks.

"Maybe… Okay, yes. Remember how drunk I got at the wedding? Oh my God, I was such a mess."

We both laughed awkwardly before falling silent again.

"Carlisle, I never apologized for that night. I really fucked up. I'm sorry."

"You apologized," I told her. "Besides, I wasn't exactly a gentleman that weekend."

She shook her head and smiled weakly. "No, you were amazing under the circumstances. I was a real bitch to you all weekend, and it was uncalled for."

I stared at her, unsure of what to say. She had made a lot of progress toward forgiving herself, but she still didn't see herself clearly. Couldn't she understand I would do anything for her?

"Well, I'll accept your apology if you accept mine," I finally said.

Her smile got brighter as she reached across the table for a handshake. "Deal."

Our conversation moved more smoothly after that. The waiter brought our food and refilled Esme's wine while we talked about her work and she told me all the town gossip I'd missed since I'd moved away.

She couldn't seem to get enough of hearing my stories of Chicago and the patients I treated and friends I'd made.

By the time the waitress came to ask about dessert our date was going a lot better than I expected.

Esme ordered a lava cake while I got some ice cream.

"What?" I asked, noticing the smirk on her face. "I got left out of the ice cream party at your house."

She shook her head. "You're such a dork. There would have still been some when we got back."

I couldn't help baiting her so I cocked my eyebrow. "Oh, so we're going back to your place, are we?"

"You really suck at this taking it slow stuff," she said with a laugh.

I shrugged. "I figure the last seven years have been slow enough."

"I thought you wanted to be friends."

" I do," I assured her. "But you know the way I feel about you has never changed."

She breathed deeply and stared at me for several seconds before answering. "I know. My feelings for you never changed either."

I grinned. "I know."

She laughed softly and tossed a piece of cake at me. "It that why you flew halfway across the country? To remind me that I still love you?"

My eyebrows shot up when I realized what she'd just admitted, but she didn't even seem to notice the weight that word put on me. Not that I still believed I loved her more than she loved me, as I had before. But this was a place we weren't at yet, and I couldn't let her run now.

"I came to take you on a date," I said, steering the conversation around the words she'd accidentally spilled.

"You sure know how to woo a girl."

There was my Esme. Fun, carefree… always a smile.

"Of course," I told her as the waiter brought our check.

I paid the bill and helped Esme into her jacket. She surprised me by slipping her hand into mine on the way out the door. I gave her a smirk and laughed quietly.

"What?" she asked with a shrug. "I didn't like the way the hostess was looking at you."

Possessive Esme? Hadn't seen her in a few years.

"Remember prom night?" I asked. "When you punched Lauren in the mouth because you thought she was whispering in my ear?"

"She totally was," she grumbled, climbing into the car.

"She was telling me you looked good."

"Right… I didn't buy that bullshit then, and I don't now."

I laughed and started up the car. We didn't talk much on the way home, but she did continue holding my hand across the console. She stared absently out the window while rubbing circles over my hand with her thumb.

I wondered what she was thinking, but never asked.

By the time I pulled into the driveway it was way past ten, but the lights in the living room and kitchen were still on.

We entered the house quietly, in case Maggie was sleeping. Sure enough we found her passed out, curled up on the loveseat. Edward was on the sofa watching the TV on mute.

"I was afraid if I moved her she'd wake up," he whispered.

Esme nodded. "It's okay, I'll get her."

I watched as she gently slipped one arm beneath Maggie's knees and the other under her shoulders. Maggie sort of grunted, but never woke up.

I sat down next to Edward while Esme carried Maggie to her room.

"So how was your night?" he asked.

"Good," I told him. "We had a good time."

Esme came back into the room and stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking back and forth between us.

Edward stood. "I'll just…" he pointed awkwardly at the kitchen. "Go… that way. Yeah… Bella."

I laughed inside, but as soon as he was out of sight the unease returned. Esme was still staring at me like she wanted to bolt.

"Umm… it's kinda late," she said. "Do you know… where are you staying?"

"At their place, I guess," I said, nodding toward the kitchen.

"Oh." She almost looked disappointed. Or maybe I just hoped she was.

"You could… Umm… I mean, you could stay here. If you want."

"Do you want me to stay, Esme?"

She stared at me hard for a moment, but when she answered it was much surer than before.

"I do."

My inner frat boy did a fist pump at the possibility of getting laid, even if I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I couldn't scare her. I could hope, though. God, did I hope.

I grabbed my bag out of Edward's car before they left and tried to ignore the way Bella kept snickering and winking.

"Have fun, bro," Edward said.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll probably be sleeping on her couch. It's no big deal."

At that Bella outright laughed. "Yeah right. Well, you kids don't do anything we wouldn't do."

"Bella!"

"What?" She shrugged. "I'm just saying. I know my sister."

I laughed and waved them off. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

When I walked back in the house, Esme was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine.

"Sorry, I wasn't sure if you wanted one or not."

"No, that's okay," I told her, sitting down beside her.

"I guess I should make up the sofa, huh? Where do you keep the blankets?"

She smiled sadly. "Carlisle…"

She put her glass down on the table and moved closer, taking my hand.

_Oh, please say what I think you're going to say,_ I thought.

"I don't want you to sleep on the couch."

I pulled her closer, rubbing my thumb along her jaw. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Please." She leaned forward and kissed me softly.

"Esme, we've come so close to this before. I don't want you to feel like you're making a mistake."

"You're not a mistake." She suddenly pushed back and became defensive. "Why? Do you think this is a mistake?"

Shit. Of course I didn't think that. But this was Esme and she was insecure to her core.

"God no," I told her. "But, Esme… I don't think I can survive being pushed away again."

She nodded. "I don't think I'd survive pushing you away again."

"So… can we start this over? Because I've thought of almost nothing but this since the wedding."

She laughed and nodded. "Me too."

She kissed me again — deeply this time. I brought my hand up to cup her cheek and let my other one rest on her hip. I started rubbing circles on her hip where her shirt rode up. She moaned quietly and moved to straddle my lap, giving me room to slip my hands beneath her and pull her closer.

Holding her like this — having her hands on me again — was… amazing. I couldn't describe it any other way.

Her fingers moved into my hair and she held my face between her hands while we kissed. I wanted so badly to flip her over and pound into her until she couldn't take any more, but for her to trust me again she needed to set the pace.

My mind was hazy and I couldn't think of anything but how my dick was straining against my jeans. She pulled back just as I moved one hand to cup her breast.

"I think we should take this to the bedroom," she whispered, breathing heavily.

I nodded, and rested my head on her shoulder, laughing quietly. "I got kind of carried away."

"It's okay," she said, running her hand through my hair. "I love when you get carried away with me."

I hummed and stood, moving my hands under her ass so I was still holding her. She automatically wrapped her legs around my waist, giggling and kissing me. The sound and feeling of her hips grinding right there went straight to my dick.

I carried her the short way down the hall to her bedroom. I pushed the door closed with my foot, and fell back against it with Esme's hands on either side of my head against the door.

"Shhh," I whispered. Maggie was sleeping right next door and I didn't want her to wake up and find us.

I pulled her shirt over her head when she started unbuttoning mine. i needed to feel every inch of her. I set her down and unbuttoned her pants, stepping back so she could pull them off.

Standing in front of me in nothing but a black bra and panties I couldn't remember why I had ever left her. She was perfect. So perfect. She smiled shyly for a moment before sitting on the bed and reaching for my hand. I took it and let her pull me towards her until I was standing in front of the bed with her legs on either side of mine.

She went for the buckle on my belt and I threw my head back and moaned, either from the feel of her hand on my stomach or because I knew what was coming. I didn't care which.

I slipped out of my jeans and kicked them aside. She pulled the waistband of my boxers down, letting my dick spring free. I hissed at the combination of the cold air and her warm hand around me. She licked her lips and slowly ran her fist over my length and around the tip.

"I did miss this," she said.

Damn right you did

, I thought with a cocky smirk.

I stroked her cheek with my thumb. "I missed you. Everything about you."

"Me too," she whispered.

She stroked me a few more times before licking me from base to tip and swirling her tongue around the head. I groaned and fisted my hand in her hair. She'd always been amazing at this.

Not even two minutes and I was ready to come.

"Esme," I grunted. "Can't…"

She pulled back and smiled, understanding I needed to be in her now. She scooted back on the bed, pulling me on top of her. I quickly discarded her bra and panties and brought my lips to hers once again.

Her hands trailed down my sides and up my back. She was ready but there was something I had to do first. She whimpered when I moved off her, but I didn't go far. I smiled and moved to the foot of the bed, dropping to my knees on the carpet and pulling her body to the edge of the bed.

When I came up between her legs - leaving light kisses along her thighs - she moaned quietly and arched off the bed. She was never good at holding back anticipation. I used to love teasing her and making her wait, but tonight I needed this as much as she did.

It only took minutes for her to completely fall apart once I rubbed light circles on her clit with my thumb while teasing her with my tongue. I smiled as she shook around me, moaning into her pillow to muffle the sound. I gently rubbed her thigh, helping her come down from her high, all the while watching her beautiful face relax.

She laughed and reached for me. I gladly moved back up her body, covering it with mine. She cupped my cheek and pulled my mouth to hers as I slowly entered her, reveling in the feel of her around me after seven long years.

This… This was my home. Esme had always been my home - no matter where I was in the world, she was the only place I wanted to be.

I pulled back and entered again, just as slowly. She shifted on the bed, adjusting to me, while I left a trail of kisses across her collarbone.

It didn't take long for us to set a quick pace. I wanted to take this slow - get to know each other like this again - but we needed each other too much. There would be time for slow later.

"Carlisle," she whispered. "Oh my God. Please… Harder."

I groaned and buried my head in her neck, pounding into her.

"Yes," she moaned. "Just like that."

I changed my pace, thrusting into her hard and slow, and bringing my hand down to finger her clit.

"Oh my God, Carlisle… Yes… Can't…" I smiled as she continued to mutter senselessly.

She froze suddenly and then screamed as she came, her legs shaking around me. I covered her mouth with mine to quiet her screams. I continued to move in and out of her faster than before, prolonging her orgasm and triggering mine. I groaned loudly and collapsed on top of her when I came.

She laughed after several moments and rolled me off her. I fell back on the pillow and pulled her with me so I could kiss her. We laid like that for a while, kissing and lightly touching before I went to the bathroom to clean up.

I came back to find her already in pajamas, bundling up our clothes.

"I'll wash them in the morning," she said. I nodded and grabbed a pair a flannel pants out of my bag.

We climbed into the sides of the bed that had always been ours, and I was struck by how familiar everything felt. The bed might have been different, but some things never change.

"You okay?" I asked, pulling her into my arms.

"I'm amazing," she said. "You're amazing. _That_ was amazing."

I laughed lightly and kissed her temple. "Yes it was."

It wasn't long before she fell asleep, curled up in my arms like it was the most natural thing in the world. For me it still was.


	11. Secrets Revealed

I don't own _Twilight_.

Mackenzie L is my amazing beta. Kr2009 and anhanninen pre-read and hold my hand and this wouldn't be what it is without their insight.

A definition: Dramatic irony (_n_) - the irony occurring when the implications of a drama is understood by the audience but not grasped by the characters in a play.

This is that chapter where I beg you guys to trust me.

* * *

><p>Waking up in Carlisle's arms the next morning was a surreal experience. I came out of sleep slowly, not entirely remembering what had happened the night before until the weight of an arm across my abdomen brought it all back.<p>

We had sex.

Really good sex, but still… Not the greatest decision of my life.

He was still sound asleep when I woke up. I couldn't lie, I really wanted to stay there all day, but there was a big problem with that plan. Actually a small problem. A small six-year-old problem just down the hall.

It was a tempting thought, though. If possible, Carlisle's muscles had filled out even more since the last time I had woken up like this, and the weight of his arm was a lovely feeling.

As much as I wanted to stay wrapped in the orgasm induced bliss of last night, reality had set in. How was I going to explain to Maggie what was going on between me and Carlisle? How was I going to explain to Carlisle the millions of things that had happened in his absence that I really didn't want to explain?

And for that matter, what were we even doing?

Were we dating?

We were supposed to be taking things slow and getting to know each other again, but no one had ever specified where that would eventually lead. We had sure done our best to destroy the whole "taking it slow" thing last night.

Last night was fast and amazing and… fast. Really fast and really hard and really good.

God, it was a miracle we hadn't woken Maggie up.

I guess I was lost in "Carlisle-haze" and wasn't thinking clearly at all.

Well, I sure was now, and now I was panicking.

He groaned in his sleep and his grip on me tightened automatically. I smiled, suddenly feeling the weight of how familiar all of this was. He had always been a fitful sleeper, but he seemed so relaxed now.

He groaned again and I watched his eyelids slowly flutter open.

"Morning," he mumbled.

"Hi," I said, suddenly feeling awkward to be lying naked next to this man in my bed. I, of course, had no business feeling that way since I had done anything and everything with this man before, but that still felt like another lifetime.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"A little after seven."

He groaned and rolled onto his back. "Too early."

I rolled my eyes. I never got to sleep in. Even on the weekends. Having kids didn't work like that.

I moved his arm off me and sat up, holding the sheet over my chest.

"I… uhh… I usually run in the mornings with Rose, and Maggie hangs out with Emmett. That's our routine."

"Oh, well she can hang out here with me this morning, unless you wanna take her over there. We'll probably just sleep anyway."

"That's the thing," I said. "I don't really know how to explain… this."

"Oh…"

Yeah. 'Oh' was right.

"Well I just stayed the night. It's not that big a deal."

I frowned. If only he knew how big a deal it really was. I needed to run, though. I needed to think. Clear my head and think.

"Lemme just go check on her," I said. I climbed out of the bed, taking the sheet with me.

"Why are you being so shy?" he asked.

I turned to face him. "Huh?"

He gestured to the sheet. "You don't want me to see you."

Dammit, why did he have to read my freaking mind all the time?

"I'm sorry." Why was I apologizing? "Look, we'll talk when I get back. Let me just go check on her."

I disappeared into the bathroom and pulled some random pajamas out of the laundry basket before walking down the hall. I found Maggie in front of the TV with a bowl of cheerios.

Okay…

"Maggie?"

She turned around. "Hi, Mommy! You and BFF were having a sleepover and I didn't want to wake you guys up. I made breakfast!"

I had to laugh. Whether at the fact I was proud of her for becoming more self-sufficient or because we had been caught by her I didn't know.

"I see that, baby. Do you want to hang out here with Carlisle while I go for a run or would you rather go to Rose's like normal?"

"I wanna stay with BFF! He can have cereal with me. I'll make him breakfast."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. She had to have climbed on a chair to pour her own cereal. I wasn't letting her do that again. I suddenly felt like I'd failed as mother by letting Carlisle stay over last night. That thought was ridiculous, but my baby had to come first.

Always.

I went back to the bedroom to change, and found Carlisle exactly where I left him. Without a word I changed into my running clothes in front of him. So much for his 'I don't want him to see me' theory.

"Maggie's in the living room eating cereal," I told him. "And she knows you're here."

"She does?"

I nodded. "She usually comes in here in the mornings. She's better than an alarm clock. She must have seen you."

He looked somewhat horrified. "But I'm naked."

"You're covered in blankets. Settle down. Anyway, there's coffee in the kitchen and plenty to eat. Help yourself, and don't let my kid climb on anything. I'll be back in about an hour."

He nodded and didn't say anything, so I hugged Maggie and took off down the front steps.

It was a gray, overcast day and looked like it might rain. The clouds were heavier than usual. Perfect weather to fit my mood.

Not that I wasn't still riding an 'I just got laid' high, but with morning came reality. Waking up with my ex-fiance in my bed wasn't exactly something I ever imagined happening. It was so… familiar. And that scared me. There were so many things I never thought I'd have to face because I never thought I'd see him again. I thought I was doing the right thing — protecting him — by staying away.

Even after Jane died, I stayed away. I left well enough alone. He had his life and I had mine. I never asked Edward about him, and we never talked about him. I knew nothing about his life because I didn't want to. I was protecting my own heart as much as I was protecting everything I had to lose.

I didn't want to ruin his life.

Without even realizing where I was going, I ended up at the cemetery. I turned off the main path toward the second row and hit my knees in front of the fourth headstone. Someone had replaced the flowers recently. Had he been there? Or was it just regular maintenance? I couldn't be sure; but if he had been there, it only furthered my resolve to protect everything I had worked for.

I began to speak as the first drops of rain fell from the sky.

"You ruined everything, you know. We could have had a life together. We could have been happy. He deserves to know her, and you never let him have the chance. Did you really hate me that much that you would keep them apart?

"I get now that all the bullshit you fed me was a lie. He wasn't better off without her. Maybe he was better off without me, but not her. He should have known her. All I've been able to think about for weeks now is the time I robbed them of. Six fucking years that I'll never be able to give back to either of them."

I was crying now — the tears running down my face, mixing with the rain.

"I can't believe I ever listened to you. That I let you bully me into raising my child alone, all because you thought I ruined your son's life. You ruined his life, Jane. Not me. She's his daughter and I can't even tell him!"

I was becoming hysterical and screaming now, but it felt amazing to finally let go of all the pain and anger and heartbreak I had held in for so long.

I banged my fist against the headstone and dropped my head onto my arm.

"She's his daughter," I whispered again. "And she's lived her whole life thinking she didn't have a father. And the whole time — every time she's come home crying because the other kids made fun of her, every time I've heard her praying at night for a dad — I've kept this horrible secret. I did it because I really believed you."

I laughed at the absurdity of it all. "I actually bought your bullshit. And now I have to live with myself knowing I'll never be able to give them that time back."

I sat silently, tears still streaming down my face, until a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. I let myself fall into my best friend's embrace as she sat behind me.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I got worried when you didn't show up this morning so I swung by the house and Carlisle was there. He told me about last night, and after that it wasn't that hard to figure out where you were."

I laughed humorlessly. "Oh, it wasn't, was it?"

"Nope. I know you better than you know yourself, bestie."

"What am I gonna do, Rose?"

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I have to, but what if he hates me? I can't lose him again. I love him."

"I don't have all the answers, baby," she told me, gripping me tighter. "But I do know this bitch can no longer influence your decisions. Es, if you tell him, it needs to be your choice... and the same if you decide not to tell him."

"I should never have let him get close to me again," I said through my tears. "I'm ruining everything. We were fine. Maggie and I were fine."

"Were you, though?" she asked. "Were you really? You never say a word about it, but I know you've battled yourself for six years over this. I saw it all over your face the day Jane died. I saw the relief that she no longer had that influence, but baby, you've been letting her influence you from beyond the grave. I heard you say you've robbed them of all this time together. So stop, Es. It's time to let this go because if you don't it's gonna end up killing you."

"He's gonna hate me," I whispered.

"He's not."

"I kept his daughter from him!" I yelled. "Fuck, Rose, he's a father and he doesn't even know it. He could walk away from me and fight for custody. He could take her from me!"

I was becoming hysterical again, but all I could think about was protecting my baby. I couldn't lose her. That would kill me more than this secret ever could.

"Shh, Esme. Shhh…" She rocked me back and forth, trying to calm me down, but I was beyond being calmed now. I was freaking out — my mind in a tailspin of turmoil over all the things that could potentially happen in the fallout of this situation.

Somewhere in the background I heard Rose on the phone, but I didn't care. I was still out of it when Emmett scooped me up and put me in their car.

She filled him in on what had happened on the way home while I sat, motionless in the backseat. I had to get control of my emotions. I hadn't intended to freak out the way I did at the cemetery, but I should have known all my fears would spill over someday. I had been so stupid to let him back into my life, and now I could potentially pay a high price.

But Rose was right. I couldn't hold onto this anymore. I couldn't keep Carlisle from his daughter. It wasn't right, and it certainly wasn't fair to either of them. I had to think of what was best for Maggie. She deserved to know her father.

A block from my house Emmett pulled over, put the car in park, and turned around.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Rose rubbed my arm while I breathed deeply. "I think so."

"Neither of us is going to tell you what to do, but Esme, he loves you. He's not gonna leave you again. You have to decide if you want him in your life with this still hanging over you or not."

I nodded. "I know I have to tell him, but I'm so scared. What if I lose my baby?"

"That's not going to happen, sweetheart," Rose assured me. "You know he wouldn't do that to you. Yes, he's going to be mad, but Carlisle's not cruel. He won't take her from you. He does have rights, though. Whatever the next move is is between the two of you to do what's best for Maggie."

"I know," I said, trying to gather my strength. I had dug myself into this hole, and it was up to me to dig myself out. I could blame Jane all I wanted, but I chose to listen to her. I had to own my part of this mess.

Emmett drove the rest of the way and dropped me off in the driveway with promises that they would always coming running if I needed them.

I took a deep breath and walked in to find Carlisle and Maggie sitting at the table playing Monopoly.

"Your kid's a cheater," Carlisle said in greeting.

"Am not!"

I smiled, trying to cover the sadness I felt at hearing him refer to her as my kid. I wanted to scream at him that she was his kid, too, but I couldn't. Maybe that's why I had never told him. How do you tell someone after six years they have a daughter? How would I ever find the words?

I pushed all thoughts of the mess I was in to the back of my mind and focused on what was in front of me. My daughter. My one and only priority.

"You do cheat, Maggie," I said.

"See! I told you I was onto you."

Carlisle folded his arms across his chest and leaned back, looking triumphant while Maggie huffed and scowled. I sat down at the table with them and untied my shoes. I hadn't gotten much running done, but I still desperately needed to shower. I was soaked from the rain and still felt shaken by my breakdown.

"Do you guys want some lunch?" I asked. "I can make some after a quick shower."

"It's okay," Carlisle said. "I can whip us up something. You go shower and lunch will be ready when you get back."

I raised my eyes incredulously. "You're gonna cook?" This man couldn't even boil water. No way did I trust him with my kitchen.

"Yes, Esme, I'm gonna cook. I've been living on my own for a long time. I learned some things."

More sadness swept through me. He hadn't said it in a hurtful way, but being reminded of our breakup and how long we'd been apart only added to my guilt. I sighed as I entered the bathroom and stripped, turning on the shower. I could hear laughter coming from the kitchen, and once again I was fighting back tears over all the mistakes I'd made.

I couldn't let Maggie see my conflict, though. She was so in tune with people's emotions and could always tell when something was wrong — especially with me. She would be on me in a second, full of questions, if I let on that anything was wrong. Someday I would have to explain everything to her, but I couldn't think about that yet.

One step at a time.

When I came back to the kitchen, Maggie was still sitting at the table, but she had a plate full of grilled cheese this time.

"Hey, you're just in time," Carlisle said, handing me a plate.

"Is this all you can make?" I asked with a laugh. It was such a stereotypical bachelor meal.

"Nah, I can make mac and cheese, too."

"It's good, mommy!" Maggie was bouncing in her seat. She definitely had some energy to run off. It had stopped raining a little before Emmett dropped me off, so maybe I could get her outside later.

Carlisle joined us with his own plate, and they told me about the games they had played while I was gone. It felt oddly natural to be sitting at the table together like this. Like we were a family. I pushed my ever increasing guilt aside and tried to enjoy my daughter's joy.

After lunch, Maggie wanted to go out back and play, so Carlisle and I followed and sat on the deck while she swung on the play set her grandpa had built.

"Is she always this hyper?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, but it's worse right now because it's summer. She'll wear herself out eventually and fall asleep. She's a big napper."

"You're a big napper," he said with a laugh. "At least you used to be."

"Still am. That's one thing she definitely got from me. A deep love of sleep."

"Mommy!" Maggie yelled. "Push me!"

Carlisle watched while I pushed Maggie as high as she wanted. She had always been determined to go all the way around the bar, and I never had the heart to tell her that wasn't going to happen, but she could dream.

"Higher, Mommy, higher!"

Maggie was laughing and smiling, and her excitement was so infectious I almost forgot everything that was weighing on my mind. Almost. Even though Rose and Emmett had done everything they could do to ease my fears, they were still at the back of my mind. It was moments like this that I couldn't lose. My daughter was everything, but I had hurt her enough, keeping her father away from her. She deserved to have Carlisle in her life forever.

They both did.

"Go on the slide with me?" Maggie asked.

"Sure, princess."

I climbed up behind her and she situated herself in my lap while we slid down over and over. By the time I collapsed in the chair next to Carlisle again, I was tired but laughing. I felt so much better than I had this morning. It was amazing the difference time with Maggie could make in my day. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I had the man next to me to thank for her.

Maggie crawled into my lap a few minutes later, breathing heavy. "You want some water?" I asked her.

She nodded, so we all went to the kitchen and grabbed three bottles.

"I'm glad you're here, BFF," Maggie said, collapsing on the couch. "You make Mommy happy."

I stopped in my tracks, staring at her. She drank her water and bounced her feet against the sofa like she hadn't said a thing, but her words hit me hard.

Was it really that simple in her eyes?

I could tell Carlisle was turning the words over in his head, too.

They were definitely true, but could it really be that straightforward? I told myself no way. It couldn't. There were too many things about this situation that went way over her head, but in truth, if I took all that away, it boiled down to exactly what she saw.

He made me happy.

And I thought I made him happy, too. I had at one time, but so much of that had been lost, and now I was prepared to destroy him again. But even if he hated me and never spoke to me again, I knew Rose was right. He would never turn his back on her. I was giving him more than I was taking away. All I could do was pray he would see that.

.

.

.

I was right in thinking Maggie would crash. She wanted to watch TV, but soon her eyes started closing and not long after she was passed out against the cushions.

I stayed on the couch with her for a few minutes, before I started to wonder what Carlisle was doing. I found him in my bedroom, searching for something in his bag.

"I thought I'd shower," he said.

"Oh, okay."

"Maggie's such a cool kid," he told me. "You're lucky to have her. She's so sweet, too."

"She gets that from you."

Oh shit.

My eyes widened and I slapped my hand over my mouth, realizing what I had just blurted out. I stood absolutely still, waiting for some kind of reaction, but he wasn't moving, wasn't blinking, wasn't doing anything.

Very slowly he put down the shirt he was holding and turned to me.

"What?"

I couldn't help the tears that sprang to my eyes, looking at him. He looked hurt — devastated even. But most of all, he looked confused. I couldn't turn back now. It was time to own all my mistakes.

I hung my head, and whispered again through my tears, "She's your daughter."

You could cut the air between us with a knife. He still hadn't moved, and I didn't dare make eye contact. I wouldn't be able to handle that pain.

I thought hours had gone by when he finally spoke, but it had to have been just a few minutes. His voice was low — broken.

"Why?"

One simple word. Why. It was a question I didn't think I'd ever be able to answer. All my motives had been so twisted and warped for so long. I didn't think I'd ever be able to make up for my mistakes.

"I don't know," I said through my tears. "I thought I was doing what was best so you could have a future."

"A future!" he yelled, making me flinch.

He stood up abruptly and brushed past me. I ran after him down the hall.

"Where are you going?"

He didn't answer. He simply grabbed his phone off the bar and disappeared, slamming the door behind him.

I collapsed against the wall, my tears falling harder. What had I done? Two little hands rubbed my arm, startling me.

"Mommy?"

I couldn't even speak. My daughter needed me and I was too hysterical to form a single word. She sat down next to me. "Are you okay?"

I tried as hard as I could to calm myself down. I had to be okay for my baby girl, but she also deserved my honesty. "No, baby, Mommy's not okay."

She stood up and kissed the side of my head. "It's okay, Mommy. I love you."

I choked out a sob as I wiped my face of tears. "I love you too, baby," I said, pulling her into my arms and rocking her back and forth. "I love you so much."

We sat like that for a long time — her holding me together while I held her. I knew my daughter well enough to know she wanted to fix whatever was wrong with me, and she was doing what she thought would work best. But all I could think about was where Carlisle was and what he was doing.

Would he even come back?

I didn't know. My heart beat hard with uncertainty as the time ticked by. Eventually Maggie fell asleep in my arms. I stood, scooping her up and taking her to my bedroom with me. I laid her down next to me on the bed, and curled myself around my baby.

No matter what happened, she was my number one priority. I wouldn't let anything stand in the way of doing right by my child. And right now I needed her as much as she needed me.

I didn't remember falling asleep, but my eyes snapped open at the sound of keys turning in the front door some time later. Maggie was still sleeping soundly in my arms, but my heart was beating in my ears.

I heard footsteps in the hallway, and then Carlisle stood in my doorway, watching us sadly. He made his way into the room and dropped to his knees beside the bed, stroking Maggie's hair, watching her sleep. It was only then that I got a good look at his face.

Was his nose broken?

There was dried blood caked under it, and a bruise forming under his eye. What the hell had happened when he left?

His eyes met mine while he kept his hand on our daughter.

"Are-"

He cut me off.

"We're not okay," he whispered. "I'm sorry, but I need some time."

* * *

><p>Still with me? If it's any help, when prereading anhanninen told me to watch my shins because she's going to kick me for this. And know that I would never, ever New Moon two character without warning. That's not what this is. Next chapter will be Carlisle's view of some of this and will shed a lot of light on a lot of things.<p>

Thanks so much for reading and I'd love to know what you think!


	12. A Family Reunited

Thank you to Mackenzie L for being such a great beta, and to anhanninen and kr2009 for pre-reading.

* * *

><p>"How did this happen?" the ER doctor asked.<p>

"I got in a fight with a buddy of mine."

I stood next to the gurney Carlisle sat on as the doctor set his nose. When he showed up in my bedroom with dried blood all over his face, I knew he had been with either Edward or Emmett. It turned out to be both, but Edward had broken his nose. He wasn't in the best shape either, though.

Emmett stayed with Maggie who was still sleeping as though nothing had happened while I dragged Carlisle and Edward to the hospital. I had no idea what happened wherever they were, but they were still pissed at each other, and Carlisle's anger at me radiated off him in waves.

I deserved it.

I deserved all his anger and more.

The most important thing right now, though, was getting them both cleaned up.

"Well, you're all set," the doctor told him, "but that bump will always be there."

Great, I thought. A permanent reminder of my massive fuck up.

I leaned against the wall in the waiting room next to Edward while Carlisle wrapped things up and got ready to leave.

"He hates me," I said quietly.

"He'll come around," Edward assured me. "He needs time, but he'll never abandon Maggie now that he knows."

"I know. That doesn't worry me. It's everything I did. I don't want Maggie to grow up with parents who hate each other. On top of everything else, I don't even know what to do about that right now."

"About what?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Maggie," I told him. "She's old enough that when we tell her she's going to have so many questions, and I don't know how to answer most of them."

"How 'bout you worry about that later, hmm? Come on?" He nodded toward the sliding doors where Carlisle was waiting.

We quietly and awkwardly got into the car, and I started the drive back to the house. I had no idea what would happen when we got there. I prayed Maggie was still asleep and hadn't woken up to find Emmett there instead of me. At first he offered to take Carlisle to the hospital, but I insisted.

This was my mess and I had to clean up the aftermath.

It was almost midnight when I pulled into the driveway. Edward and Emmett left with tight smiles and apologetic looks, and then we were alone. Maggie was still tucked in her bed where I had left her. It broke my heart in two when Carlisle walked in and placed a kiss on her forehead before going into the living room.

"I told you I need time," he said. "I'm going to sleep out here tonight because if she wakes up and I'm not here she'll get curious. Then tomorrow you and I need to talk."

I nodded but it made no difference. He hadn't looked at me once since we left the hospital. I went back to my now empty bed, collapsing on top of the rumpled covers, and cried myself to sleep.

.

.

.

When I woke the next morning the sun was already streaming through the window. I blinked and looked at the clock. Nine a.m. Awesome. I checked my phone and saw a text from Bella.

I'm picking up Maggie in the morning so you guys can talk.

Leave it to my sister to save my ass from myself again. I groaned and rolled out of bed, shuffling down the hall.

Carlisle and Maggie were both in the kitchen, cooking bacon. There were three glasses of orange juice on the counter, but only one of them was full. I wanted to cry again. As much as he hated me, he wouldn't let that anger touch her.

"Hi, Mommy! I helped my BFF make breakfast."

"And you did an awesome job, kiddo," Carlisle said, turning around with the pan of bacon. He placed it on the counter and grabbed three plates. "Eat up."

We sat down around the table with our breakfast, looking every bit the all-American family we definitely were not.

After a little while I turned to Maggie. "Baby, Bella sent me a text. She wants to hang out with her favorite niece today. How does that sound?"

"Awesome," Maggie said. "Can we go to the beach?"

"You'll have to ask her, but I'm sure she'll be up for whatever you want to do."

She grinned and looked at Carlisle. "Can Carlisle come, too?"

He smiled sadly at her before glancing at me. "I think your mom and I have some stuff to talk about, buddy. We can go to the beach another time."

"Okay," she said with a shrug.

I breathed a sigh of relief that so far she hadn't caught on to the tense atmosphere in the house. We would have to tell her soon, but there was so much we needed to work through first. I had known for years this day would probably come, but I had been doing a very good job of pretending otherwise.

Bella arrived an hour later, after I texted her thank you for thinking ahead. I was cleaning up the kitchen when she came in and sat down at the counter.

"Carlisle's helping her pack her beach bag," she said.

I nodded, but didn't reply.

"It'll be okay," she continued. "You two will work it out. For her."

"For her," I echoed. "I wish I was as confident as you are."

I dropped the rag I was holding and turned to face her. She was holding back the 'I told you so' but I knew it was there.

Maggie came running in with her bag, her sunglasses already covering her eyes. "I'm ready, Aunt Bella!"

Carlisle trailed behind her, returning the fear and unease to the room.

"I see that," Bella said. "We'd better get going."

The sound of the door shutting when they left felt like a weight being dropped on me. The tension between Carlisle and I was stifling, and all I wanted to do was run away. But I had been doing that for seven years, and it had only led us both here. Running now wouldn't help anyone.

He sat down on the couch, and I took the chair across the room. I wanted plenty of space between us — to appear as non-threatening as possible.

"How's your nose?" I asked. He had replaced the gauze and bandage, and even though his jaw was still swollen he looked much better than he had last night.

"Still hurting, but it'll be fine. I guess I kind of deserved it since I hit him first."

I didn't know where to even begin with everything that needed to be said so I stayed silent, fiddling with the edge of the chair. Finally he broke the silence.

"Why, Esme?"

"I figured Edward would have told you."

"That's how my nose got broken. He was defending you," he said with a sigh. "He said my mother threatened you."

I nodded and wiped my eyes. "I found out I was pregnant right after you left. I wanted to call, but I was so scared. Everything was so messed up. We hated each other," I whispered. "I didn't know where else to turn. I didn't want my family to know yet, so I went to Jane."

"But why?" he asked, confusion clear in his voice. "She never approved of us. She thought I would find someone new in Chicago and forget about you."

"Exactly." I laughed and shook my head. "I actually thought I was doing the right thing," I said, mostly to myself. "I was scared and desperate, and she filled my head with so much bullshit."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry. I know she was your mother, but she hated me, and I can't believe now that I let her affect me so much."

"What did she say?" His voice was hard and disbelieving.

"She said if I had ever loved you I would let you be happy. I would let you have the life you wanted."

"All I ever wanted was to be with you!" His voice rose as he raised himself off the couch in anger.

I cowered back into the chair on instinct, but quickly I decided he wasn't going to scare me. No one had that power over me anymore.

"You left me," I told him, an edge to my tone that was unmistakable.

"This isn't about us," he said, moving back to his seat on the couch. "This is about Maggie."

"You're right. It is. I thought I was doing what was best for all us when I took her advice. She was so convincing. Told me it would ruin everything you had worked for. All the effort spent getting into school in Chicago. All the hours you worked to pay for it yourself. And then she brought up Maggie. She asked me to consider what it would be like for the baby to be shipped back and forth its whole life between parents who hated each other." I looked up at him, our eyes meeting. "I won't do that to her, Carlisle."

"I had a right to know."

"Yes, you did. And I didn't tell you, and I take responsibility for that. I should never have listened to Jane."

"Stop blaming my mother," he said. "Look, I know she didn't like you, but did either of us ever care?"

I shook my head.

"No," he continued, his voice rising again. "Twenty years, Esme. We knew each other all our lives. I knew when I was five I was going to marry you. I don't understand how you could throw it all away from one conversation with my mother. She wasn't that manipulative."

"I know. I really thought we would all be better off."

"And what now, huh? Did you think you would get away with this lie forever?" he shouted.

This time when I cowered away from him it was real. He was trying to hit me exactly where it would hurt, and he was succeeding. I wouldn't let him see me cry, but it was clear he knew exactly how much I was hurting. And despite the fact that I was responsible for this entire mess, I had a right to hurt over it too, and he wouldn't take that from me.

"Of course I didn't. I'm not stupid."

"No, you're not stupid. You're extremely smart, actually. But you backed yourself into a corner on this one. I understand why you did what you did, but I'll never agree with it. She's my daughter and I missed six years that I'll never get back with her. I can't forgive you for that."

I couldn't stop the sob that bubbled up in my throat as I nodded.

"I know," I said quietly, defeated.

"We have to figure out where to go from here. Obviously I'm not going to let you keep me out of her life anymore."

I shook my head. "No, I would never-"

"You already did."

"Can I finish, please?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He nodded.

"I would never do that now that you know. I can't make it right, and I can't give you back what you lost, but I want you to know her and be part of her life. I want her to have her father."

"Good. That's all I want, too."

"How do we tell her?" I asked, sinking into my chair, suddenly worried.

"Did you ever plan to tell her about her father? What does she know right now?"

"She knows the basics. That her father and I split up before she was born and I don't have any contact with him. I know as she gets older she'll want to know more and more, but she's always seemed fine with it being just the two of us. God, I hope I haven't missed anything she's not telling me."

"She's gonna grow up someday. She'll have questions. Did you never think about how to answer them?"

I shrugged. "I guess I always figured when she was old enough I'd tell her the truth."

"And you really think she'd be okay with that?"

"Look," I said, "I know I've been a selfish bitch, and had no right to do what I did, but I don't know how many times I have to tell you I can't change the past before you get it."

He put his hands up defensively. "Alright, alright, I get it, I know. So… how do you think we should do this?"

I leaned back and thought for a minute. Honestly I had no idea, but I was beyond relieved he wasn't trying to fight for control of the situation. Maybe we could successfully work together on this.

"Do you think maybe we should do some things with her together?" he asked. "Sort of warm her up to it?"

"That could work," I said. "She already thinks the sun rises and sets on you."

He smiled, and for the first time I could truly see everything I had deprived all of us of. He was her father and he adored her — just like I did. We could have been a family, but I had taken that away.

I had to make this right.

We finally settled on taking her out for pizza that night and then telling her when we got home. How we were going to tell her I still had no idea, but knowing Carlisle was in this now with me made me feel much better.

.

.

.

Bella brought Maggie back a little before five, which was perfect for our plan, and had given both of plenty of time to calm down.

"Mommy, we went to the beach!" she said as soon as she ran through the door.

Bella laughed. "I had her shower and clean up at our house so she didn't get sand everywhere."

"Thanks," I told her before turning to Maggie. "Did you have fun with Aunt Bella?"

"Uh-huh," she replied, nodding her head. "It was awesome!"

"Awesome, huh? Well, how about some more awesome? You want to go get pizza with me and Carlisle for dinner?"

"Really?"

She ran off down the hall to her room without even waiting for an answer. Bella laughed and then turned to me. "So, is everything okay?"

"Well, I don't really know if things will ever be okay, but we talked and we're going to do what's right for Maggie."

Bella put her hand on my arm and gave me a small smile. "It'll all work out."

I nodded. "I hope so."

After Bella left and Maggie finished changing, the three of us piled into my car and headed to our favorite pizza place. We ordered a large pan pizza to share, and while we waited Carlisle sat next to Maggie, helping her complete the maze on the tablecloth. We had worked through a lot together during the afternoon, and now it made me smile to finally see my daughter enjoying time with her father — even if she didn't know that yet.

"What do you say we go to the park after we eat?" I asked her.

"Really? I can go on the swings with BFF and make him go on the slide," she said with a giggle.

I laughed at that image, and for the first time in over a day Carlisle smiled at me, before turning back to Maggie.

"Alright, kiddo, I'll show you my playground skills."

"How would you feel about getting to hang out with Carlisle more?" I asked her.

He pinned me with a hard stare, alarmed that I was doing this now, but I was anxious as hell and didn't really know what my mouth was saying.

"He's my BFF, Mommy. We hafta hang out all the time."

"That's right," he said, giving her a high-five.

I rolled my eyes but was secretly ecstatic at the ease of their bond. It was clear from the day he first walked into my parents' house before my sister's wedding, and even though my life would never be the same now, I was glad that he finally knew. The weight was finally lifted from my shoulders, and nothing could compare to the feeling of happiness at knowing that my daughter would finally have a father.

When our pizza came, Carlisle split it between the three of us and Maggie dove in immediately. "Pizza's my favorite," she said with her mouth full. I gave her a chastising glance, but it was hard. She was too adorable.

"You should try the pizza in Chicago," Carlisle told her. "Best in the world."

"I wanna try! Mommy can we go visit Carlisle and have pizza?"

They both watched me, waiting for an answer. Maggie's gaze was full of excitement and possibility, while Carlisle's eyes made me feel like he could read my mind. Given the circumstances he probably could. I knew we were thinking the same thing. He would have to go back, but now Maggie would be spending time there with him, depending on whatever custody arrangement we still had yet to work out.

"Yeah," I told her. "I'd like that someday."

She nodded her head, and for her it was as simple as that. I prayed this was a possible prelude to how she would take the news. Maggie was an easy-going child, but I had no clue what the proper response to meeting your father for the first time was.

Carlisle kept drawing all over the table while Maggie ate the piece of dessert pizza our waiter brought her, and when we were finished I took her outside while Carlisle paid the tab. He joined us a few moments later and together we walked across the street to the park.

The sun was slowly starting to set as Maggie dragged Carlisle to the slide. I sat on one of the swings and watched them go down frontways, backwards, on their stomachs - every way they could imagine.

Maggie was out of breath but having the time of her life by the time she collapsed into the swing next to mine.

"Mommy, that was so much fun!" she said.

Carlisle came up behind her and gave her a light push.

"I'm glad you're having a good time, baby."

"Best day ever!" she shouted as Carlisle swung her higher.

I laughed, and signaled him to slow her down. He got the hint and slid into the swing on her other side.

"Baby," I started, "you know how we told you that a long time ago Carlisle was my BFF?"

"Yeah, and I said that was so cool because he was my BFF now but I can share him with you."

I nodded. "Exactly. Well, he wasn't just my BFF."

"I know, Mommy, he was your boyfriend. Like last year when Jimmy was mine."

Carlisle's eyes widened to the size of salad plates. I would have to explain that later.

"It's kinda obvious, Mommy," she continued.

I couldn't help but laugh, but yeah it was and I should have trusted her instincts more. She might have been six, but she was perceptive. I stood and leaned down in front of her, taking her hand.

"Baby, he's not just your BFF." I glanced at Carlisle and he nodded encouragingly. "He's your daddy."

She sat absolutely still for a minute, staring at the ground, and I started to wonder if ripping the bandaid off had really been the way to go. Her brows knitted together and I could almost see the wheels turning in her head.

"My daddy?" she said softly. "But I don't have a daddy."

I all but heard the sound of Carlisle's heart breaking without even looking at him, but he needed to understand this was what she knew. It wouldn't be an immediate adjustment. She would be confused for a while.

"No, Maggie," I told her. "Remember what I told you... That your daddy and I broke up before you were born."

"My daddy left us," she said, tears filling her eyes.

I collapsed back into the dirt, and Carlisle was out of his swing in an instant. He kneeled down next to me and took her hand. "No, sweetie," he told her. "I would never, ever abandon you. I didn't know. Please, Maggie, I would never leave you on purpose and I never will again."

She finally looked up, meeting his eyes. "You're really my daddy?" she whispered.

He nodded, opening his arms as she flew into them. "Yes, princess. And I'm never leaving you again."


End file.
